I was blown away to receive this e-mail describing the powerful, transformative effect that my book "Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments" has had on this woman:
Hi Marguerite: I visited my herbalist, and i saw your book "Free and Laughing" displayed. i questioned same, but at the time was not inclined to purchase same as funds was low.
Days after, i travelled overseas and while at the airport, i visited the bookshop and there was the book staring me in the face.....recognizing that my trip would be boring and i would have some free time, i immediately purchased same.
Man was i blessed......i completed your book in 3 days....something unheard of from me who is not an avid reader....
i found your book to be easy to read and at a time when i was going through issues in my life it really ministered to my soul and has allowed me to have a totally new and positive outlook on life and what life has to offer me.
i am sharing this book with my friends as each time i speak to them about their negative outlook on life i make mention of something you might have mentioned in your book.
can i share a secret with you? Over a year ago, i had a relationship that ended on bad notes and it left me devastated and hopeless....i had given so much of myself, time and finances to this relationship and without warning the bombshell dropped to inform me that we were not compatible and he wanted out......i was not able to get over the hurt totally as i felt used etc...what affected me, is that the calibre person i made him out to be, i did not expect that behaviour.
When i read your book i was able to move on with my life and recognise that love is unconditional and it should not be tied to our expectations from the other party.....can i tell you that i have found myself loving the fact that i did all that i did and have moved on with my life....mark you....there are lessons learnt.
Thanks again for writing this book
I asked her permission to share her e-mail with others, and received this response:
No problem. i would also want to add that it has been causing me to reflect on my relationship with God and my wanting to even grow closer to him....it is helping me to love the unloveable.
Make of this what you will. I only know that I am inspired by her words, the shifts she is making in her life, and happy to have played some small part in it.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
The power to change the world
Last night at a home in the hills overlooking Kingston, the capital city of Jamaica, I was part of a group that had gathered to meet and honour a leading Jamaican-American who was instrumental in mobilising the voting population of South Florida to elect Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States.
As the discussion evolved, a central theme emerged: "The Power of the Individual to make a difference". Many present kept veering back to what the politicians, business leaders, lawyers and others in the Jamaican society needed to do to make a difference. Much time was spent trying to figure out the Jamaican version of Barack Obama who would, like Moses lead us out of the wilderness of poverty, crime and social and economic degradation. No-one could identify such a person, as they kept looking in the usual obvious places, to people who were already part of the system, the very system that needs to change.
Is it feasible that someone from within the system could actually be the agent of change? Barack Obama tells us no, for he was always an outsider to whatever system he was placed. All the great agents of change in the world tell us no – they were always outsiders. The laws of physics tell us no. Just think of the law of inertia:
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
As the discussion evolved, a central theme emerged: "The Power of the Individual to make a difference". Many present kept veering back to what the politicians, business leaders, lawyers and others in the Jamaican society needed to do to make a difference. Much time was spent trying to figure out the Jamaican version of Barack Obama who would, like Moses lead us out of the wilderness of poverty, crime and social and economic degradation. No-one could identify such a person, as they kept looking in the usual obvious places, to people who were already part of the system, the very system that needs to change.
Is it feasible that someone from within the system could actually be the agent of change? Barack Obama tells us no, for he was always an outsider to whatever system he was placed. All the great agents of change in the world tell us no – they were always outsiders. The laws of physics tell us no. Just think of the law of inertia:
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
Using this analogy, we can see that the people currently leading the system (the object at rest or in motion) cannot be the "unbalanced force" for they are devoted to keeping it "stable" i.e. as it is. They have a vested interest in maintaining it, not changing it. What we are therefore seeking is an unbalanced, or external force – something outside of our current system.
Whenever I hear questions around who is to lead change, my thoughts immediately turn to Mahatma Gandhi’s quote: "Be the change you want to see". And I therefore have to ask myself: could that force be me? Could it be you? For that is the power of the individual – each and every one of us can make a difference if and as we choose. The power of the individual starts with each and every one of us. Whatever change we want to see, we must be that change.
What are some of the things we can do right where we are to be the change we want to see? Here are a few practical suggestions:
Think that "someone" needs to transform our education system?
1. Call the principal of your alma mater today and find out what the needs of the school are. Give money, time – whatever you can. This we all can do. For those who are busy, give money. For those who have no money, give time.
2. Help a child – find out from the school if there are any children in need of a mentor (I can guarantee you will get a long list). Devote even one hour per week to that child and you will make a huge difference to the world. Who is to say that that child will not grow up to be a world mover and shaker like Barack Obama?
Think "someone" needs to make sure we have responsible government?
1. Speak up! Don’t like what the government is doing? Write a letter and have it delivered by courier to the responsible minister with a copy to the press
2. Whenever you see a government official – summon the courage and let them know (politely) exactly how you feel
3. Attend public meetings and consultations held by various government entities and speak up!
Think that "someone" needs to do "something" about crime?
1. Report crimes – no matter how small
2. Stopped for a traffic ticket? Take it, go to court and plead “innocent” no matter how many times you have to go back to court. DON’T bribe the policeman, and don’t give in and plead guilty (unless you are)!
3. Support organizations that help to rehabilitate prison inmates
4. Resist negative talk – do not add to the energy of fear and hopelessness. Choose to speak positively, and point out to others when they are speaking negatively
Think that "people" need to be more civil to each other?
1. Smile at all whom you meet today and everyday – the power of the smile to change someone’s day is amazing
2. When you see a service person with a name tag, acknowledge them by name – and with a smile. You have indicated that you have noticed them as an individual, not just some anonymous server
3. Remember your manners – say good morning to all whom you pass – everyone – newspaper man, windscreen wiper, beggars, your co-workers, your boss, security guards, every single one!
4. Thank people who give you service
There are so many things we can do when we realise that we ARE the change we want to see. When we start taking individual action, others see and some will do likewise – soon, there is a critical mass and the change happens – like magic we believe, but not really, it’s just the natural laws at work. Taking action, no matter how small and insignificant we think it may be, frees us from hopelessness and fear. We know we are doing something. We are not waiting for, nor depending on others. We feel free, for we know that we are making a positive difference to the world.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Marc
People who have known me for a long time are surprised when I tell them that I have three children - Marc, who was 29 last Thursday, Victoria (15) and Shane (13). You can see the puzzled furrow of their brow, the question in their eyes as they try to recall seeing me pregnant 29 years ago!
I was not. For Marc is really my stepson. He moved from Trinidad to Jamaica when his father and I married. He was then a shy, gangly 8 year old. Today he is a dazzingly handsome, 6ft 4in hunk of a man. And my son.
I have a very special place in my heart for Marc. He is as much "mine" as Victoria and Shane, my birth children, are. We share a very special bond that has grown warmer and closer as the years have trundled by. Ours is not the step relationship of Aesop’s fables (although I am sure that there may have been a moment or two when Marc was growing up when he DID think I was the wicked stepmother). It is a love born of a situation in which we both found ourselves "by accident". It is a relationship held by the glue of unconditional love, of a choice to love as mother/son.
I am proud of Marc and the man he has become. My mother nicknamed him the "gentle giant", for despite his size, he is one of the sweetest, most caring and considerate persons you will ever meet. He had a warm, loving relationship with my parents. I recall that on the day before my mother passed she gently and sweetly whispered to him on the telephone "Thank you Marc for all the joy you brought to my life". That joy had been fully expressed when he surprised her with an unexpected (by her only - we all knew the surprise he had planned) appearance at her 90th birthday party. Even today, 10 years after Marc graduated from Wolmer’s High School for Boys, teachers remember him “Ah Marc McKenzie” they say with a sigh and a sweet, reflective smile.
I would like to take credit for this young man, but I know there are many people who have contributed to this wonderful human being being wonderful - his father, birthmother, grandparents, extended family, teachers, coaches and a host of others. Fundamentally though, Marc is who he is because of the choices he has made to remember who he is - a magnificent spirit, in the image and likeness of God.
Today, I celebrate my son Marc, and all the amazingly wonderful young men like him - there are a lot more of them out there than we think!
I was not. For Marc is really my stepson. He moved from Trinidad to Jamaica when his father and I married. He was then a shy, gangly 8 year old. Today he is a dazzingly handsome, 6ft 4in hunk of a man. And my son.
I have a very special place in my heart for Marc. He is as much "mine" as Victoria and Shane, my birth children, are. We share a very special bond that has grown warmer and closer as the years have trundled by. Ours is not the step relationship of Aesop’s fables (although I am sure that there may have been a moment or two when Marc was growing up when he DID think I was the wicked stepmother). It is a love born of a situation in which we both found ourselves "by accident". It is a relationship held by the glue of unconditional love, of a choice to love as mother/son.
I am proud of Marc and the man he has become. My mother nicknamed him the "gentle giant", for despite his size, he is one of the sweetest, most caring and considerate persons you will ever meet. He had a warm, loving relationship with my parents. I recall that on the day before my mother passed she gently and sweetly whispered to him on the telephone "Thank you Marc for all the joy you brought to my life". That joy had been fully expressed when he surprised her with an unexpected (by her only - we all knew the surprise he had planned) appearance at her 90th birthday party. Even today, 10 years after Marc graduated from Wolmer’s High School for Boys, teachers remember him “Ah Marc McKenzie” they say with a sigh and a sweet, reflective smile.
I would like to take credit for this young man, but I know there are many people who have contributed to this wonderful human being being wonderful - his father, birthmother, grandparents, extended family, teachers, coaches and a host of others. Fundamentally though, Marc is who he is because of the choices he has made to remember who he is - a magnificent spirit, in the image and likeness of God.
Today, I celebrate my son Marc, and all the amazingly wonderful young men like him - there are a lot more of them out there than we think!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Clothes
Second only to President Obama’s Inaugural Address was the anticipation of the First Lady’s Inaugural gown. It was a close second as was confirmed by a poll on the Internet that asked what people were most looking forward to for the Inauguration. I must admit that I had some hesitation in casting my own vote for while I knew that the "right" choice should be the speech, I really wanted to see The Dress!
So I was a bit disappointed when it was finally unveiled at the Neighbourhood Ball.
The dress itself was beautiful. Yet something bothered me. As I watched the President and First Lady dancing, it struck me Mrs. Obama did not look comfortable. She kept tugging at the back, it was clearly too long and it seemed to get in the way of the two-step led by her husband.
The first function of our clothes is comfort and then adornment. Without the first, the second doesn’t happen. If we are not comfortable, then we do not look or feel beautiful. For clothes are salves to the ego. When we look good, we feel good. We like our leaders to dress up, for we feel a collective balm – all is well in the world when our leaders look good. Salve to our collective ego. The world judges us by how we look, and we judge others by how they look. Some of us need clothes to validate ourselves. Yet we are not our clothes – they are merely costumes that we don for whatever role we decide to play in the drama (or comedy) that is our life.
Our clothes are simply appendages, there only for the function of Man. Spirit needs no clothes. In no way should our outer accoutrements interfere with our business at hand, and the only real business we have is to be and express our Spirit nature. Note that those who dedicate themselves to the conscious work of Spirit such as priests and nuns wear the same thing all the time.
It is good to remember that our clothes, our skin, our bodies are not us. We are Spirit, already beautiful and perfect. When we remember that, whatever we don, we will be and look amazing.
Mrs. Obama – wear whatever you choose. Just be comfortable.
So I was a bit disappointed when it was finally unveiled at the Neighbourhood Ball.
The dress itself was beautiful. Yet something bothered me. As I watched the President and First Lady dancing, it struck me Mrs. Obama did not look comfortable. She kept tugging at the back, it was clearly too long and it seemed to get in the way of the two-step led by her husband.
The first function of our clothes is comfort and then adornment. Without the first, the second doesn’t happen. If we are not comfortable, then we do not look or feel beautiful. For clothes are salves to the ego. When we look good, we feel good. We like our leaders to dress up, for we feel a collective balm – all is well in the world when our leaders look good. Salve to our collective ego. The world judges us by how we look, and we judge others by how they look. Some of us need clothes to validate ourselves. Yet we are not our clothes – they are merely costumes that we don for whatever role we decide to play in the drama (or comedy) that is our life.
Our clothes are simply appendages, there only for the function of Man. Spirit needs no clothes. In no way should our outer accoutrements interfere with our business at hand, and the only real business we have is to be and express our Spirit nature. Note that those who dedicate themselves to the conscious work of Spirit such as priests and nuns wear the same thing all the time.
It is good to remember that our clothes, our skin, our bodies are not us. We are Spirit, already beautiful and perfect. When we remember that, whatever we don, we will be and look amazing.
Mrs. Obama – wear whatever you choose. Just be comfortable.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
All is well in the world today
As I sat on my back patio early this morning, I observed all that was going on around me in this, my little sanctuary from the world. Cloud, my Shih Tzu Zazu (from the Lion King) brought me the morning report that all was well in the backyard, having taken a stately, sniffing walk along the perimeter of the fences, checking for anything new or out of place. She touched noses with Daisy, the rambunctious mongrel, who had frolicked her way to the back fence and back, and then stretched out on the patio to soak up the healing, life-giving rays of the morning sun.
The blackbird troubadours were busy pecking pellets of dog food from Daisy and Mufasa’s dog bowls, leftovers from their evening meal. They were a cacophony of black missiles as they noisily zinged from roof to trees, back and forth announcing their takeoff, flight and landing to all the world. The cooing of the ground doves were the gentle background strings to the blackbirds’ trumpets. And every now and then, a passing truck gave a percussive note or two to the symphony of the moment.
The morning was also a symphony of visual beauty – my mango tree loaded with countless yellow and brown blossoms, bougainvillea popping pink, orange, white and purple blooms, all on the canvas of the lawn, ferns, gingers, breadfruit, otaheite and other trees each with its own palette of green.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud laying in the sun. All is well in my world today.
Then, I came inside and checked what’s happening in the world today. A Facebook friend had posted a photo album of the most horrific scenes of children killed and injured in Gaza. While horrified, I was transfixed. I could not stop looking. I was seeing and feeling the pain of the mothers and fathers who had to endure this ultimate tragedy, the one that no parent ever wants to think of.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in my world today?
I thought of the insanity of believing that one could create peace with fear, violence and fighting. I remembered Gandhi’s terse wisdom: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". What can I, as one person out of 6.5 billion people in the world do about this, I asked myself. The scenes were in such sharp juxtaposition to the morning moment on my back patio. How could all be well in my world, if all is clearly not well in someone else’s world?
That's a question that I am not sure that I have an answer for. All I know is that I will continue to affirm that "all is well", for that is the reality that I desire for myself and all people in the world – in Gaza, Israel, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Zimbabwe, Jamaica. To think otherwise is to create that other world, the one that is the antithesis to the peace that I felt on my back patio this morning. To believe that all is not well is to negate the energy of that moment, and to allow fear to triumph. My peaceful, loving thoughts make a difference not just to my life, but to the world. Every thought, every word, every deed is transmitted as, in and throughout the energy field that is the Universe. There are no secret thoughts - once you have a thought, everyone knows, as it becomes a part of everyone.
Who is to say that my thought of peace on my back patio in Jamaica may not stop a bullet in Gaza? For perhaps, just perhaps that thought found it’s place in the heart of someone who was about to pull the trigger ... and didn't.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in the world today.
The blackbird troubadours were busy pecking pellets of dog food from Daisy and Mufasa’s dog bowls, leftovers from their evening meal. They were a cacophony of black missiles as they noisily zinged from roof to trees, back and forth announcing their takeoff, flight and landing to all the world. The cooing of the ground doves were the gentle background strings to the blackbirds’ trumpets. And every now and then, a passing truck gave a percussive note or two to the symphony of the moment.
The morning was also a symphony of visual beauty – my mango tree loaded with countless yellow and brown blossoms, bougainvillea popping pink, orange, white and purple blooms, all on the canvas of the lawn, ferns, gingers, breadfruit, otaheite and other trees each with its own palette of green.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud laying in the sun. All is well in my world today.
Then, I came inside and checked what’s happening in the world today. A Facebook friend had posted a photo album of the most horrific scenes of children killed and injured in Gaza. While horrified, I was transfixed. I could not stop looking. I was seeing and feeling the pain of the mothers and fathers who had to endure this ultimate tragedy, the one that no parent ever wants to think of.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in my world today?
I thought of the insanity of believing that one could create peace with fear, violence and fighting. I remembered Gandhi’s terse wisdom: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". What can I, as one person out of 6.5 billion people in the world do about this, I asked myself. The scenes were in such sharp juxtaposition to the morning moment on my back patio. How could all be well in my world, if all is clearly not well in someone else’s world?
That's a question that I am not sure that I have an answer for. All I know is that I will continue to affirm that "all is well", for that is the reality that I desire for myself and all people in the world – in Gaza, Israel, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Zimbabwe, Jamaica. To think otherwise is to create that other world, the one that is the antithesis to the peace that I felt on my back patio this morning. To believe that all is not well is to negate the energy of that moment, and to allow fear to triumph. My peaceful, loving thoughts make a difference not just to my life, but to the world. Every thought, every word, every deed is transmitted as, in and throughout the energy field that is the Universe. There are no secret thoughts - once you have a thought, everyone knows, as it becomes a part of everyone.
Who is to say that my thought of peace on my back patio in Jamaica may not stop a bullet in Gaza? For perhaps, just perhaps that thought found it’s place in the heart of someone who was about to pull the trigger ... and didn't.
All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in the world today.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Priority #1 - to love
"I am so sad to receive the most distressing news that my dear friend for over 50 years has passed away. My hearfelt condolences. I was a guest of the Orane's in 1952 - Douglas Roy was a baby. I was a member of Trinidad's contingent to the WI Jamboree. Mrs Orane kept in touch with me all those years and used to send me Christmas food parcels when I was a student. I am deeply saddened" - Ram
My sister received this e-mail yesterday from someone who had sent our mother a Christmas card, and whom she had then informed of Mummy’s passing last year.
Ram’s e-mail touched me so much. Here is a man who as a teenager came to a strange country 56 years ago for a week or two and in that time began a lifelong friendship. I reflect on my mother’s kindness and consideration that she demonstrated throughout her life. Can you imagine us with our busy schedules finding time to send a young student food parcels, and then to keep in touch each Christmas for over 50 years? It boggles my mind, as I look at my own long list of things to do, and the seemingly longer list of things I still haven’t found the time to do! And yet, Mummy had the same 24 hours per day, 7 days each week, 52 weeks each year. She was certainly no less busy than I am – she mothered 6 children, cared for a multitude of extended family, ran a family business and volunteered for charity. How did she do it?
I believe Mummy did it by making a conscious commitment to love, to be that love and demonstrate it wherever she was. For example, she held her Christmas newsletter as a priority. She would harass us, her children, for paragraphs on our families, and we would lament about finding the time to do it, and didn’t she know how busy we were, and she’s alright - she’s retired. But the Christmas newsletter would go out to her circle of family and friends, including friend from Trinidad whom she met for a week or two when he as a teenage in 1952! She even sent him food packages when he was a student – and here am I wondering where I am going to find the time this week to go to the supermarket!
Whenever we travelled, Mummy would have a long list of people who she had to bring “a little something” for – her manicurist, her hairdresser, her helper, her gardener, the caretaker at church, our driver, my brother’s assistant. And somehow, she would do it. I was always amazed, as I could barely get through my own personal list in the limited time we had. It occurred to me as I was giving my gardener his Christmas bonus last month that Mummy would have bought and had a little gift for his 3-month old baby already beautifully wrapped and ready to go. These things were priority! They HAD to be done. At the time, we groaned and moaned, for as she got older, we had to do more and more to help her. Yet now I understand – she had made loving and caring for others her purpose.
Where on earth did she find the time? She found it right where it is – in her heart, as a number one priority to be, show and live love.
My sister received this e-mail yesterday from someone who had sent our mother a Christmas card, and whom she had then informed of Mummy’s passing last year.
Ram’s e-mail touched me so much. Here is a man who as a teenager came to a strange country 56 years ago for a week or two and in that time began a lifelong friendship. I reflect on my mother’s kindness and consideration that she demonstrated throughout her life. Can you imagine us with our busy schedules finding time to send a young student food parcels, and then to keep in touch each Christmas for over 50 years? It boggles my mind, as I look at my own long list of things to do, and the seemingly longer list of things I still haven’t found the time to do! And yet, Mummy had the same 24 hours per day, 7 days each week, 52 weeks each year. She was certainly no less busy than I am – she mothered 6 children, cared for a multitude of extended family, ran a family business and volunteered for charity. How did she do it?
I believe Mummy did it by making a conscious commitment to love, to be that love and demonstrate it wherever she was. For example, she held her Christmas newsletter as a priority. She would harass us, her children, for paragraphs on our families, and we would lament about finding the time to do it, and didn’t she know how busy we were, and she’s alright - she’s retired. But the Christmas newsletter would go out to her circle of family and friends, including friend from Trinidad whom she met for a week or two when he as a teenage in 1952! She even sent him food packages when he was a student – and here am I wondering where I am going to find the time this week to go to the supermarket!
Whenever we travelled, Mummy would have a long list of people who she had to bring “a little something” for – her manicurist, her hairdresser, her helper, her gardener, the caretaker at church, our driver, my brother’s assistant. And somehow, she would do it. I was always amazed, as I could barely get through my own personal list in the limited time we had. It occurred to me as I was giving my gardener his Christmas bonus last month that Mummy would have bought and had a little gift for his 3-month old baby already beautifully wrapped and ready to go. These things were priority! They HAD to be done. At the time, we groaned and moaned, for as she got older, we had to do more and more to help her. Yet now I understand – she had made loving and caring for others her purpose.
Where on earth did she find the time? She found it right where it is – in her heart, as a number one priority to be, show and live love.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
My body was made to move!
Yesterday, at the conclusion of an energizing, vigorous yoga class, I had a conversation with a yoga teacher who had practiced beside me during the class. I have attended one of her classes, and found it to be very gentle and slow, the opposite of the class I typically like. I had found myself becoming impatient with the pace, and then I decided to be present and focus on that class only and make no comparisons or judgement with any other. I settled into the moment, and found that it created a balance for me as the beauty of the difference was revealed. It turned out to be just what my body, and perhaps my mind and spirit, needed that day.
As we conversed yesterday, she invited me to her next yoga class, observing that while I clearly like a powerful type of yoga, as we age we need to do slow down and do less of this and more of the gentle type. Indeed she was adamant that I should be doing the gentler yoga at least three times per week, constantly emphasising what happens to the body as we age.
“This is a marathon runner you are speaking to” I said at one point. At which she rolled her eyes heavenward. “All that too” she uttered, continuing to reinforce her point about the body naturally slowing down, getting tighter and weaker and being more limited.
I was mortified! For I so enjoy my yoga classes, and love the progress I am making as I become more open, flexible and stronger. I love the challenge of finally being able to do an asana that months before I could not. I love the challenge of just letting go and trying it – even if I can only hold the pose for a millisecond, there is such a feeling of triumph. I have been known to squeal childlike “I did it” upon finally getting into a pose that has hitherto been a challenge. Every yoga class, every new pose is a reminder that I can do whatever I want to do, if only I release the limitations set by my mind. For the apparent difficulties of a pose are much more about my mind thinking it is difficult rather than a physical limitation.
I also recalled my role models who continue to honour their bodies and defy our perception of aging. My own mother was my yoga heroine - until she was 88 years old she could do a 1 ½ yoga class, sun salutations and all. A framed newspaper article showing a photograph of her sitting in a meditative cross-legged posture in a yoga class holds pride of place in the photo gallery in my home. Just last December, I connected again with two gentlemen in their ‘80s, Burt Carlson and Roy Thomas who complete the Reggae Marathon each year. Last month Burt completed his 301st marathon and Roy took nearly 30 minutes off his time over the previous year! When you speak to these men you feel their vitality and joy at being alive, active and nudging their bodies beyond the societal perception of what a body can and should do.
I will continue my power yoga, with a gentler class now and then as I am so moved. I will continue to run, swim, jump, cycle, climb and dance. God gave me the gift of this magnificent body that is made to move! It is my duty to express the joy of movement with no limitations – save the inner listening that tells me what I need to know and do to honour and care for this temple.
As we conversed yesterday, she invited me to her next yoga class, observing that while I clearly like a powerful type of yoga, as we age we need to do slow down and do less of this and more of the gentle type. Indeed she was adamant that I should be doing the gentler yoga at least three times per week, constantly emphasising what happens to the body as we age.
“This is a marathon runner you are speaking to” I said at one point. At which she rolled her eyes heavenward. “All that too” she uttered, continuing to reinforce her point about the body naturally slowing down, getting tighter and weaker and being more limited.
I was mortified! For I so enjoy my yoga classes, and love the progress I am making as I become more open, flexible and stronger. I love the challenge of finally being able to do an asana that months before I could not. I love the challenge of just letting go and trying it – even if I can only hold the pose for a millisecond, there is such a feeling of triumph. I have been known to squeal childlike “I did it” upon finally getting into a pose that has hitherto been a challenge. Every yoga class, every new pose is a reminder that I can do whatever I want to do, if only I release the limitations set by my mind. For the apparent difficulties of a pose are much more about my mind thinking it is difficult rather than a physical limitation.
I also recalled my role models who continue to honour their bodies and defy our perception of aging. My own mother was my yoga heroine - until she was 88 years old she could do a 1 ½ yoga class, sun salutations and all. A framed newspaper article showing a photograph of her sitting in a meditative cross-legged posture in a yoga class holds pride of place in the photo gallery in my home. Just last December, I connected again with two gentlemen in their ‘80s, Burt Carlson and Roy Thomas who complete the Reggae Marathon each year. Last month Burt completed his 301st marathon and Roy took nearly 30 minutes off his time over the previous year! When you speak to these men you feel their vitality and joy at being alive, active and nudging their bodies beyond the societal perception of what a body can and should do.
I will continue my power yoga, with a gentler class now and then as I am so moved. I will continue to run, swim, jump, cycle, climb and dance. God gave me the gift of this magnificent body that is made to move! It is my duty to express the joy of movement with no limitations – save the inner listening that tells me what I need to know and do to honour and care for this temple.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Advice for Oprah
"It's about using food — abusing food. Too much work. Not enough play. Not enough time to come down. Not enough time to really relax." Oprah Winfrey
When I read this yesterday, I e-mailed my close friends and family half-jokingly stating "Oprah needs to be free and laughing". They all agreed, and of course, this got me musing.
What would it mean for Oprah to be "free and laughing"? Well, I really don’t know, for I am not Oprah. Each of us must define our own free and laughing beingness. What works for me, may or may not work for you, or for Oprah. My first thought was that if I had her money, it would be easy for me to be free and laughing. The things I would do with a net worth of US$2 billion! Too much work? Impossible, if I had that type of money (or even a fraction of it). Not enough time to relax? Madness! I would be relaxing all the time, a different beach every day!
And yet, it is obviously not that easy for Oprah to be free and laughing, to relax, to be present and enjoy life (and food). Oprah, like all of us, faces some challenges.
The same traits of determination, grittiness, commitment, focus that have made Oprah successful, powerful and incredibly wealthy, are now bedevilling her. It is one thing to change the things that we acknowledge are not enhancing our lives, but very hard for her, and us, to change the very things that have made us successful. It is counterintuitive, and we resist mightily. Oprah has also clearly gotten into habits, like all of us. It is her habit to work hard, to see opportunities, to pursue them, to make a difference. This is now her way of being – she knows no other way.
I love Oprah. I love what she is doing with her incredible gifts and talents. I love how she shows us that one person CAN make a difference. Now I want her to be really, really happy, to be free and laughing. She deserves nothing less. So, here’s what I say to Oprah:
1. Take my mom’s advice expressed in her now famous e-mail that inspired my book "Free and Laughing": "I did have a good laugh with and at myself, giving thanks that I can see the funny side of life still and not caring what others think because I know it doesn’t matter at my age and should not have at any age either". Laugh, don’t care, it doesn’t matter Oprah!
2. Find and eat the perfect Bombay mango just as I describe in the book. This is the essence of mindful eating. Indeed, if she eats each meal that way, she will have no weight problem at all!
3. Take some time to really observe whatever is happening around her, not through the eyes of the legions of staff members that she employs, but through her own eyes. And not with the intention of writing her next blog or article in "O" – but simply to observe for the joy of the moment
4. Release everything – ratings, opinions of others, commentary – whatever it is that anyone else has to say or think. It all doesn't matter
5. Accept her beautiful self as she is. She is gorgeous! At whatever size and shape.
6. Laugh – a few minutes per day of laughter yoga, laughing for no reason at all, just for the joy of laughter, will soon have Oprah free!
Do any of these apply to you? Chances are they do. It's not just Oprah, it's all of us. We all have challenges and bad habits. We all do things to excess and get our lives out of balance. What I have said to Oprah I say to you - and, most importantly, to myself.
When I read this yesterday, I e-mailed my close friends and family half-jokingly stating "Oprah needs to be free and laughing". They all agreed, and of course, this got me musing.
What would it mean for Oprah to be "free and laughing"? Well, I really don’t know, for I am not Oprah. Each of us must define our own free and laughing beingness. What works for me, may or may not work for you, or for Oprah. My first thought was that if I had her money, it would be easy for me to be free and laughing. The things I would do with a net worth of US$2 billion! Too much work? Impossible, if I had that type of money (or even a fraction of it). Not enough time to relax? Madness! I would be relaxing all the time, a different beach every day!
And yet, it is obviously not that easy for Oprah to be free and laughing, to relax, to be present and enjoy life (and food). Oprah, like all of us, faces some challenges.
The same traits of determination, grittiness, commitment, focus that have made Oprah successful, powerful and incredibly wealthy, are now bedevilling her. It is one thing to change the things that we acknowledge are not enhancing our lives, but very hard for her, and us, to change the very things that have made us successful. It is counterintuitive, and we resist mightily. Oprah has also clearly gotten into habits, like all of us. It is her habit to work hard, to see opportunities, to pursue them, to make a difference. This is now her way of being – she knows no other way.
I love Oprah. I love what she is doing with her incredible gifts and talents. I love how she shows us that one person CAN make a difference. Now I want her to be really, really happy, to be free and laughing. She deserves nothing less. So, here’s what I say to Oprah:
1. Take my mom’s advice expressed in her now famous e-mail that inspired my book "Free and Laughing": "I did have a good laugh with and at myself, giving thanks that I can see the funny side of life still and not caring what others think because I know it doesn’t matter at my age and should not have at any age either". Laugh, don’t care, it doesn’t matter Oprah!
2. Find and eat the perfect Bombay mango just as I describe in the book. This is the essence of mindful eating. Indeed, if she eats each meal that way, she will have no weight problem at all!
3. Take some time to really observe whatever is happening around her, not through the eyes of the legions of staff members that she employs, but through her own eyes. And not with the intention of writing her next blog or article in "O" – but simply to observe for the joy of the moment
4. Release everything – ratings, opinions of others, commentary – whatever it is that anyone else has to say or think. It all doesn't matter
5. Accept her beautiful self as she is. She is gorgeous! At whatever size and shape.
6. Laugh – a few minutes per day of laughter yoga, laughing for no reason at all, just for the joy of laughter, will soon have Oprah free!
Do any of these apply to you? Chances are they do. It's not just Oprah, it's all of us. We all have challenges and bad habits. We all do things to excess and get our lives out of balance. What I have said to Oprah I say to you - and, most importantly, to myself.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Boxes
One of the things we do to bring order into our lives, is to create boxes. These boxes are usually bounded by time and space - there is a time (box) for exercise, a particular place (box), a time to eat (box) and a place (box). We become used to these boxes and develop a familiarity and an attachment to them. After awhile, we find that we cannot function outside of these boxes, for they are so ingrained in our lives. For example, if our exercise box has us at the gym at 5.30 a.m. Monday to Friday, we find that we are unable to run at 2.00 p.m. on Wednesday, or swim at 6.30 p.m. on Thursday or do yoga at 9.00 a.m. on Saturday, even if for some reason, we missed the 5.30 a.m. sessions at the gym during the week. We just can’t do it - it’s outside our exercise box. What started out as a useful technique to bring order has now taken rigid hold of us, keeping us in a place where we are no longer served. In the exercise box example, note that the week will have passed without us exercising at all - simply because we missed our exercise box.
The exercise box example is very personal to me. I have long held that I can only exercise in the morning. My box was that if I didn’t get it done at 5.00 a.m. then it wouldn’t happen again for the day. Yet, for the past 18 months, I have broken out of this box and find it hard to miss my yoga classes - all held in the evenings! (another box?) I am out of that morning exercise box. But I note other exercise boxes - my most recent one is that I need to get up earlier to do a yoga routine before I run in the morning. That would mean that I would have to be up before 4.00 a.m. Of course, this just has not worked, and I have experienced much frustration trying to do both, and not succeeding. But this morning I ran and then did yoga. And it was fine! So, I have decided that I can and will do my yoga routine at any time of the day or night! And, I can even run at any time of day or night.
It is good to check out the boxes in our lives - the eating boxes, the work boxes, the relationship boxes – all areas of our lives are compartmentalised into boxes. They are very useful. We also want to be aware that when we think or act "outside the box" we will have replaced our existing box with a new one. So, outside the box invariably means inside another one.
I don’t think there is anything "wrong" with boxing our lives. Perhaps there will be a day when "outside the box" really means no box. Until then, what we need to do is be aware of our boxes, be willing to let go of them when they no longer serve us and create new, more expanded boxes which gives us space to grow and unfold even more, until we no longer need boxes.
The exercise box example is very personal to me. I have long held that I can only exercise in the morning. My box was that if I didn’t get it done at 5.00 a.m. then it wouldn’t happen again for the day. Yet, for the past 18 months, I have broken out of this box and find it hard to miss my yoga classes - all held in the evenings! (another box?) I am out of that morning exercise box. But I note other exercise boxes - my most recent one is that I need to get up earlier to do a yoga routine before I run in the morning. That would mean that I would have to be up before 4.00 a.m. Of course, this just has not worked, and I have experienced much frustration trying to do both, and not succeeding. But this morning I ran and then did yoga. And it was fine! So, I have decided that I can and will do my yoga routine at any time of the day or night! And, I can even run at any time of day or night.
It is good to check out the boxes in our lives - the eating boxes, the work boxes, the relationship boxes – all areas of our lives are compartmentalised into boxes. They are very useful. We also want to be aware that when we think or act "outside the box" we will have replaced our existing box with a new one. So, outside the box invariably means inside another one.
I don’t think there is anything "wrong" with boxing our lives. Perhaps there will be a day when "outside the box" really means no box. Until then, what we need to do is be aware of our boxes, be willing to let go of them when they no longer serve us and create new, more expanded boxes which gives us space to grow and unfold even more, until we no longer need boxes.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Forward to reality
Today is the first day back at work for 2009. I mean, really back to work - not the sort of mindless appearance at office on January 2, but really back to work. For many, the day has been greeted with a groan of "back to reality". For we believe that we are going back to the workplace as we left it. All the problems, challenges, traffic to get there, miserable co-workers, demanding customers, incompetent bosses - all will be back the same way they were in December. After all the festivities, celebration and joy of the season, are we really going to go back to the same old situation? Perhaps .... perhaps not.
Many of us have set New Year resolutions over the past few days - intentions to make our lives significantly different, to improve specific aspects of our being. And this year, we resolve, is the year when we WILL stick to our resolutions. We are high on the energy of envisioning different lives for ourselves, new and better, happier, more prosperous. So, in the mix of "back to reality" there is something that has changed - we have!
Today as work is a test. Today is the day when we signal whether we are really serious about keeping our resolutions, about creating a different "me". We are bringing the energy of new intentions, new focus in our lives with us wherever we go – even to the workplace. Groans of back to reality actually negate this energy, already dissipating our resolve only five days into the new year. The "new me" of our resolve will go with us wherever we go, and will have an impact in all spheres of our lives - including work!
For example, our intention about losing weight or getting fit is not just about the end result of looking and feeling better, it is really about bringing new levels of discipline into our lives. If we are serious about our intention, we will find that this new discipline will transcend into our reality at work. So committing to getting fit means that we will commit to specific times for exercise classes or workouts. We must adhere to it. To do so will require us to be disciplined at work as well - to get there on time, to accomplish whatever we need to do efficiently and effectively so that we may leave in good time for our workout. After awhile, we will find that this new level of discipline has become a habit - in our exercise program, at work, at home - wherever we are, it is us.
There is no "back to reality" at work today. There is only "forward to the reality" that you have decided to create. Everything and everyone around you at work will be different today. Why? Because you are different. You have defined a different way of being for yourself. You are looking at the world, including your workplace, with new and different eyes. And when you make a shift, the whole world shifts. You are a new you! Why? Because you declare it so - and act in accordance with it wherever you are.
Many of us have set New Year resolutions over the past few days - intentions to make our lives significantly different, to improve specific aspects of our being. And this year, we resolve, is the year when we WILL stick to our resolutions. We are high on the energy of envisioning different lives for ourselves, new and better, happier, more prosperous. So, in the mix of "back to reality" there is something that has changed - we have!
Today as work is a test. Today is the day when we signal whether we are really serious about keeping our resolutions, about creating a different "me". We are bringing the energy of new intentions, new focus in our lives with us wherever we go – even to the workplace. Groans of back to reality actually negate this energy, already dissipating our resolve only five days into the new year. The "new me" of our resolve will go with us wherever we go, and will have an impact in all spheres of our lives - including work!
For example, our intention about losing weight or getting fit is not just about the end result of looking and feeling better, it is really about bringing new levels of discipline into our lives. If we are serious about our intention, we will find that this new discipline will transcend into our reality at work. So committing to getting fit means that we will commit to specific times for exercise classes or workouts. We must adhere to it. To do so will require us to be disciplined at work as well - to get there on time, to accomplish whatever we need to do efficiently and effectively so that we may leave in good time for our workout. After awhile, we will find that this new level of discipline has become a habit - in our exercise program, at work, at home - wherever we are, it is us.
There is no "back to reality" at work today. There is only "forward to the reality" that you have decided to create. Everything and everyone around you at work will be different today. Why? Because you are different. You have defined a different way of being for yourself. You are looking at the world, including your workplace, with new and different eyes. And when you make a shift, the whole world shifts. You are a new you! Why? Because you declare it so - and act in accordance with it wherever you are.
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