Thinking rationally - "If A, then .... "

Over the past few months, my sister and I have been trying to figure out a very puzzling situation. We hash and rehash what has happened over and over again, trying to understand why things have gone the way they have. Almost every conversation about the matter has ended up with “What I don’t understand is ….”.

It occurs to me that we often get caught up in trying to figure out the thought patterns of others in an effort to understand. “So and so is not thinking rationally” we say. Basically though, when we say this, what we are really saying is that they don’t think like us. Our own thought pattern goes like this: “If A, then B”. However, we notice people whose thought pattern seems more like “If A, then X - or F - or 10 - or red” and we just can’t figure it out.. Of course, we assume that our thinking is rational and theirs is not! Quite a judgement.

What we have to accept is that we never will figure out other peoples’ logic. Time spent trying to do so is time that is wasted. We will never figure it out. The only thing to do is to accept people, their thoughts and actions as they are, to accept that that is the way things are. Once we do this, we are free to move on to determining what our own response will be. Now, whenever my sister and I speak about the issue, we stop when we get to “What I don’t understand is” and replace it with “That’s the way it is” and move the discussion to what we are going to do. As a result, we are moving forward rather than being stuck in a never-ending circle of trying to understand others.

Dealing with doubts and fears

I received this question from a reader of the blog I posted on “I am moving to Canada”:

 

"This is so inspiring. But suppose you did have some doubts... what would you do with them? I'm not trying to be arch, I am just wondering how you overcome doubts (and fears and anxieties) when you are in the midst of big changes, particularly when things are not in your control"

 

This is such a good question, for we are all beleaguered by doubts and fears whenever we face change.  In our quest for stability and control in our lives, we hold on to what we know and resist what we don’t know or are uncertain about.  In holding on, we are under the illusion that we are in control.  But we aren’t, for one thing we need to get used to is that the future is a total unknown.   No matter how we plan, scheme and schedule, the future is a mystery.  There is no one who can tell with certainty what the future holds and how it will unfold.  We are never in control, for how can we be in control of something that we don’t know?  It is impossible.

 

Now, you may ask – if the future is uncertain and outside of our control, then why set goals, articulate a vision and even think about designing our lives?  Why not just live moment to moment, not thinking at all about what the next moment will bring?  Because we do need context for our lives.  We need to guide our good, and being clear about what we want to be and how we want our lives to look is fundamental.  Yet, we can’t or shouldn’t hold onto this, for our vision is limited by where we are looking from.  It’s a big world out there, and we are only looking from a very, very small part of it.  So, even in defining our vision we must be mindful and open to bigger and better for our lives.  For example, many years ago I penned a very powerful vision for my life at 60.  Moving to Canada was not in the plan at all then, yet I can now see that moving to Canada is very important in achieving that vision!

 

Doubts and fears may serve a useful purpose as they cause us to stop and think about what we are doing, and may indicate if and when we are going off course.  But doubts and fears can also hold us back, if we yield to them.  Fears and anxieties have arisen throughout my journey to Canada, and will probably arise again.  To make sure that they don’t hold me back, I have a few simple but powerful techniques:

 

1.    1.  Affirmations: my favourite is "This too shall pass".  It is so powerful in reminding me that nothing is permanent.  When I say it I literally feel my body relaxing

2.    2.  Gratitude  - I find something to give thanks for - I write down or say three things I am grateful for

3.    3.   Take action - I focus on something immediate – say, an item from my "to do" list.  Whenever I feel that I have too much to do, I just go back to my to do list and do one thing.  Action is a great way to deal with fears

4.    4.  Laughter – I laugh - for no reason at all 

 

 

Remember - it's not the situation that's the problem, it's your reaction to it.  It’s not the doubts and fears, it’s how we deal with them.  Accepting them but taking action regardless is the key to moving forward.

I am moving!

I am relocating from Jamaica to Canada next month. It is a major move in my life, not just for me, but also my two teenagers.  It has been in the works for the past 2 ½ years, and now it is coming to fruition.

 

I will be blogging my experiences as I navigate this new life.  I wonder that I haven’t blogged it before ….. perhaps I was still in a bit of denial about it really happening.   Hmmmm ….. something to think about.

 

What I do know, is how my "free and laughing" approach has helped me to make the move – free and laughing!  I am positive, upbeat, courageous, forward-looking.  I know without a doubt that this is the right move.  And so everything is falling into place nicely.  And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best.  My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

 

So, here’s how I have been applying "Free and Laughing".

 

1.     Be present – I know without a doubt that this is the right move.  And so everything is falling into place nicely.  I am present to things as they occur.  And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best.  My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

2.     Observe – I am very aware of all the changes in my life and the impact it is having on my mental, emotional and physical state.  For example, on Wednesday, two days after I returned from a one-week visit to Canada, my hip started to ache really badly.  I almost considered not going to my yoga class.  Good thing I did (something told me to go), for Donovan, my yoga teacher pointed out that "It’s the move".  When I got home I checked Louise Hay’s book "Heal Your Body" and lo and behold – hip problems indicate fear of moving forward.  I share her lovely affirmation with you "Hip hip hooray!  There is joy in every day.  I am balanced and free.  I move forward in life with ease and with joy in every age".

3.     Release – I have come to terms with releasing my attachment to the things in my home, my home itself, my plants, my books, my dogs and ultimately, Jamaica.

4.     Accept – I am now accepting my new home, Canada.  For example, when I was there last week, I reveled in the juicy, fresh cherries, not missing mangoes in Jamaica at all!  Accepting that Canada will be cold – and that I will make the best of it and learn to ski and snowboard!

5.     Trust – what a journey of trusting!  Trusting that all is well, even when things seem otherwise.  Trusting that my life is unfolding exactly as it should.  Trusting that all who I meet are there for my ultimate good.  Trusting that I am making the right choices for my children and me. 

6.     Love – loving every minute, every one and every thing.   And loving most of all myself, and knowing that I will bloom wherever I am planted.  

I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy.  I live my life with ease, grace and joy – wherever I happen to be!

Blakka is free and laughing

Owen "Blakka" Ellis, a well-known Jamaican comedian, and one of the nicest people you can ever meet,  speaks about being "free and laughing" in the Jamaican Star!