Marguerite's Musings

Change

2009-08-23T09:03:00.003-05:00

Dear all,

My blog is now located at www.freeandlaughing.com . I would love your comments on this new look! Make sure to subscribe so you won't miss a post, and look out for lots of exciting stuff as I move on with the next stage of my life - being free and laughing in Canada!

Be free and laughing always

Marguerite

Thinking rationally - "If A, then .... "

2009-07-30T07:28:00.001-05:00

Over the past few months, my sister and I have been trying to figure out a very puzzling situation. We hash and rehash what has happened over and over again, trying to understand why things have gone the way they have. Almost every conversation about the matter has ended up with “What I don’t understand is ….”.

It occurs to me that we often get caught up in trying to figure out the thought patterns of others in an effort to understand. “So and so is not thinking rationally” we say. Basically though, when we say this, what we are really saying is that they don’t think like us. Our own thought pattern goes like this: “If A, then B”. However, we notice people whose thought pattern seems more like “If A, then X - or F - or 10 - or red” and we just can’t figure it out.. Of course, we assume that our thinking is rational and theirs is not! Quite a judgement.

What we have to accept is that we never will figure out other peoples’ logic. Time spent trying to do so is time that is wasted. We will never figure it out. The only thing to do is to accept people, their thoughts and actions as they are, to accept that that is the way things are. Once we do this, we are free to move on to determining what our own response will be. Now, whenever my sister and I speak about the issue, we stop when we get to “What I don’t understand is” and replace it with “That’s the way it is” and move the discussion to what we are going to do. As a result, we are moving forward rather than being stuck in a never-ending circle of trying to understand others.

Dealing with doubts and fears

2009-07-21T00:01:00.002-05:00

I received this question from a reader of the blog I posted on “I am moving to Canada”:

"This is so inspiring. But suppose you did have some doubts... what would you do with them? I'm not trying to be arch, I am just wondering how you overcome doubts (and fears and anxieties) when you are in the midst of big changes, particularly when things are not in your control"

This is such a good question, for we are all beleaguered by doubts and fears whenever we face change. In our quest for stability and control in our lives, we hold on to what we know and resist what we don’t know or are uncertain about. In holding on, we are under the illusion that we are in control. But we aren’t, for one thing we need to get used to is that the future is a total unknown. No matter how we plan, scheme and schedule, the future is a mystery. There is no one who can tell with certainty what the future holds and how it will unfold. We are never in control, for how can we be in control of something that we don’t know? It is impossible.

Now, you may ask – if the future is uncertain and outside of our control, then why set goals, articulate a vision and even think about designing our lives? Why not just live moment to moment, not thinking at all about what the next moment will bring? Because we do need context for our lives. We need to guide our good, and being clear about what we want to be and how we want our lives to look is fundamental. Yet, we can’t or shouldn’t hold onto this, for our vision is limited by where we are looking from. It’s a big world out there, and we are only looking from a very, very small part of it. So, even in defining our vision we must be mindful and open to bigger and better for our lives. For example, many years ago I penned a very powerful vision for my life at 60. Moving to Canada was not in the plan at all then, yet I can now see that moving to Canada is very important in achieving that vision!

Doubts and fears may serve a useful purpose as they cause us to stop and think about what we are doing, and may indicate if and when we are going off course. But doubts and fears can also hold us back, if we yield to them. Fears and anxieties have arisen throughout my journey to Canada, and will probably arise again. To make sure that they don’t hold me back, I have a few simple but powerful techniques:

1. 1. Affirmations: my favourite is "This too shall pass". It is so powerful in reminding me that nothing is permanent. When I say it I literally feel my body relaxing

2. 2. Gratitude - I find something to give thanks for - I write down or say three things I am grateful for

3. 3. Take action - I focus on something immediate – say, an item from my "to do" list. Whenever I feel that I have too much to do, I just go back to my to do list and do one thing. Action is a great way to deal with fears

4. 4. Laughter – I laugh - for no reason at all

Remember - it's not the situation that's the problem, it's your reaction to it. It’s not the doubts and fears, it’s how we deal with them. Accepting them but taking action regardless is the key to moving forward.

I am moving!

2009-07-17T07:53:00.002-05:00

I am relocating from Jamaica to Canada next month. It is a major move in my life, not just for me, but also my two teenagers. It has been in the works for the past 2 ½ years, and now it is coming to fruition.

I will be blogging my experiences as I navigate this new life. I wonder that I haven’t blogged it before ….. perhaps I was still in a bit of denial about it really happening. Hmmmm ….. something to think about.

What I do know, is how my "free and laughing" approach has helped me to make the move – free and laughing! I am positive, upbeat, courageous, forward-looking. I know without a doubt that this is the right move. And so everything is falling into place nicely. And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best. My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

So, here’s how I have been applying "Free and Laughing".

1. Be present – I know without a doubt that this is the right move. And so everything is falling into place nicely. I am present to things as they occur. And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best. My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

2. Observe – I am very aware of all the changes in my life and the impact it is having on my mental, emotional and physical state. For example, on Wednesday, two days after I returned from a one-week visit to Canada, my hip started to ache really badly. I almost considered not going to my yoga class. Good thing I did (something told me to go), for Donovan, my yoga teacher pointed out that "It’s the move". When I got home I checked Louise Hay’s book "Heal Your Body" and lo and behold – hip problems indicate fear of moving forward. I share her lovely affirmation with you "Hip hip hooray! There is joy in every day. I am balanced and free. I move forward in life with ease and with joy in every age".

3. Release – I have come to terms with releasing my attachment to the things in my home, my home itself, my plants, my books, my dogs and ultimately, Jamaica.

4. Accept – I am now accepting my new home, Canada. For example, when I was there last week, I reveled in the juicy, fresh cherries, not missing mangoes in Jamaica at all! Accepting that Canada will be cold – and that I will make the best of it and learn to ski and snowboard!

5. Trust – what a journey of trusting! Trusting that all is well, even when things seem otherwise. Trusting that my life is unfolding exactly as it should. Trusting that all who I meet are there for my ultimate good. Trusting that I am making the right choices for my children and me.

6. Love – loving every minute, every one and every thing. And loving most of all myself, and knowing that I will bloom wherever I am planted.

I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy. I live my life with ease, grace and joy – wherever I happen to be!

Blakka is free and laughing

2009-07-02T07:49:00.007-05:00

Owen "Blakka" Ellis, a well-known Jamaican comedian, and one of the nicest people you can ever meet, speaks about being "free and laughing" in the Jamaican Star!

Divine Order the morning of Victoria's exam

2009-06-08T07:56:00.005-05:00

This morning my daughter had an examination at 8.00 a.m. This is the one morning when:
1. We all wake up late
2. Shane’s school uniform is not ironed
3. My car has a flat tyre

PANIC!

But, it is also the morning when:
1. I breathe
2. I affirm Divine Order
3. Marlon, the gardener is working today
4. My friend Paula, whose son goes to the same school and who passes my gate each morning, is also running late
5. I call Paula and she picks up the children
6. Marlon changes the tyre
7. My daughter gets to her exam on time
8. I exhale and give thanks for Divine Order - and my faith!

Throughout all this, I observe my children. They are calm and cool, sitting quietly as they wait. I give thanks for their faith.

An embarrassment of mangoes

2009-05-28T06:07:00.003-05:00

My Julie mango tree has been blessing me every day with what a friend laughingly calls an "embarrassment of mangoes". I have never had this tree bear so profusely. These two photos represent one day's reaping – the first lot I gathered in the morning, and the second in the evening. I am not upset anymore when I spot a seemingly perfect, unblemished mango and find that a blackbird has gotten to it first. There is more than enough to share with all. I have become an ambulatory mango basket, giving away mangoes wherever I go – to family, friends, team members at work, garbage collectors and teachers and staff at my children’s school. I also notice a similar embarrassment of mangoes all over Kingston. Everywhere I go I see trees laden, boughs almost touching the ground, more fruit than leaves. Vendors on the sidewalks are surrounded by buckets and tubs piled high with mangoes of all variety, hawking them by the dozen.

Last September Tropical Storm Gustav wreaked havoc on Jamaica. For days it tumbled rain upon us. It brought down my backyard wall and fence. The rains caused landslides, washed away homes, bridges and roads. People lost their lives. But it also pruned the trees, aerated the roots and thoroughly watered and nourished the soil. The results? Bumper crops of otaheite apples, breadfruit, citrus – and now mangoes.

It is the same way in our lives. Things happen to us that are chaotic, disruptive and traumatic. Yet as time passes we come to realise that they created real good in our lives. Have you ever said in wonder "What a good thing so and so happened"? At the time, "so and so" was quite chaotic and painful, yet months or even years later, when we see the growth in ourselves, we recognise that some good resulted because of it. Just to be able to see the good in a situation is a blessing.

Today, look for the blessings in your life. Look at a situation that is painful for you and give thanks for your growth and any good at all that has come from it. This is not to deny the pain, just to accept it and recognise the good. In accepting the mangoes from my tree, I am not at all denying the devastation of Gustav, just giving thanks for the blessings. Give thanks today for the bumper crop of blessings flowing through your life.

"This being human" - Rumi

2009-05-18T08:15:00.003-05:00

I love the poet Rumi. My friend and yoga teacher Donovan introduced me to this poem yesterday. I am still pondering and meditating on it. It is so profound. I love every line. I share it with you today because it is such wisdom for how to joyful lives, accepting the adversities that present themselves and seeing them for what they truly are!

"This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond"

Rumi- translation by Coleman Barks

Follow up to the unfree and unlaughing moment

2009-05-15T05:58:00.002-05:00

So, yesterday morning I turn into a parking lot for a meeting downtown and wait patiently for the security guard to complete his processing of a vehicle exiting the lot. He then approaches my car, and when I say "Good morning. How are you", he replies with "Not as good as you". He then sweetly proceeded to direct me where to park and how to have my parking ticket validated.

When I was leaving, I presented him with the gift of a mango that I had picked from my tree this morning, in gratitude for his welcoming disposition which was so in contrast to my experience yesterday.

What made the difference? Me! Having spent the morning writing my blog and changing my state from unfree and unlaughing to free and laughing, the only experience I could possibly have had was a free and laughing one! And I did! The guard was grateful for the mango, and I was grateful for the experience. Win win.

An unfree and unlaughing moment

2009-05-14T06:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had an unfree and unlaughing moment!

I turned into a parking space at a small shopping plaza. The vehicle beside me was parked badly i.e. on the yellow line, and so I adjusted how I parked in order to give the driver space to enter his car. A security guard began frantically signalling to me, his face contorted with the most sour disposition, to park properly i.e. square within the yellow lines. An abundance of hand signalling, word mouthing and eye rolling followed as he tried to explain what he wanted me to do. I turned down my windows and said "Good morning sir" which usually has the effect of softening the unhappy person. Not this time. He did respond in like words, but retained his very unpleasant disposition. I asked him "Would you like me to park in a certain way"? He railed yes, and I must park properly and what is wrong with people who can’t drive, and on and on and on. Each time I tried to adjust my car, he indicated that it wasn’t perfect. I found myself getting flustered, and even considered just leaving, as the matter I was attending to was not urgent. Meanwhile, the driver of the vehicle that had bad-parked beside me was looking at the whole interlude with the greatest of humour. That made me even more upset as HE was the reason I had not parked properly in the first place!

Finally I parked to the guard’s satisfaction and went about my business. When I returned, he was still carrying on loudly about how "Some people can’t drive they can only steer, etc." clearly aimed at “some people” being me. I was most upset, and just could not bring myself to be free and laughing!

In reflecting on this situation, what COULD I have done to be free and laughing? I had a number of choices:
1. I could have happily ignored the guard’s instructions. Maybe not a good idea, as he was so wrapped up in his wanting to be right and exert his ultimate authority as the ruler of the space!
2. I could have driven off – I really didn’t need the product, and it turned out that the store didn’t have it anyway. So my instinct to leave was telling me something
3. I could have changed my countenance. Even when he responded dourly to my gay “good morning” I could have simply said with the brightest of smiles "I will be happy to park properly, just bear with me a minute. I really do appreciate your help". Would that have made a difference to him? Maybe, maybe not. But it would have made a real difference to me!

There are other things I could have done, but these scenarios give examples of the multitude of choices facing us in any given moment. At any moment during that 5-minute interlude, I could have chosen a different way of being and acting.

Now I am free and laughing about that moment – a day later, but at least I am free of the emotion and able to laugh! I can move on to enjoy my moments today, unburdened by yesterday’s experience. I am now present to this moment. I am free and laughing!

Laughter and work

2009-05-12T08:26:00.005-05:00

We have made a virtue out of being serious. We believe that to be professional, to be businesslike, to have credibility and power, we must be austere, solemn and sober with nary a smile, laugh nor twinkle of the eye to be displayed openly. Thus, our places of work are mausoleums, testimony to the nameless, soulless concept of work. Fun? No way – that is antithetical to work, for how could we actually consider enjoying something that is serious business? No wonder so many of us don’t like work, our workplaces, bosses and co-workers! "Monday morning blues" and "Thank God it’s Friday" are indicators of our view of work.

It is our innate human nature to laugh! One of the first things babies do is smile, gurgle and laugh. It brings the rest of us joy and we laugh too. Babies all through the animal kingdom play and have fun. And it too brings the rest of us joy, smiles and laughter. Interestingly, children laugh 300 times per day whilst adults laugh on average, only 15 times per day! Seems like we lose our natural way of being as we get older! Yet, when we are laughing and joyous is when we feel, and do our best. Suppressing our joyous being from our work is one of the worst things we can do to our soul. Trying to leave our joy at home, and keep it out of the workplace is like going to work without our heart, or our lungs. We would die. And thus it is when we separate our joy from our work – we die a slow, torturous death of stress, complaints, mistrust, boredom and sadness at the office.

Here are two photographs of laughing professionals - a corporate trainer an engineer, a dentist, a Minister of Religion, who know and demonstrate that God gave us the gift of joy and laughter to be expressed wherever we are!

Today, laugh at work! take a risk at being considered "unprofessional" - you might just be surprised at how many people actually like it - and join you!

Demonstrations of magic and miracles

2009-05-02T08:19:00.002-05:00

There are times when your world doesn’t seem to be working so well, when we wonder what is wrong – with us, with others, with everything. At such times there are feelings of discomfort, lack, disorder and even despair in our lives. We may look at our goals, desires and stated intentions and they seem ever more elusive. We may feel like giving up, or lowering our intentions to fit the limitations in our lives. Perhaps we feel to settle for our lives as they are – discomfort, stress, disorder, pain, mediocrity and even suffering.

We don’t have to. We can choose to move ourselves out of this conundrum and reclaim our inheritance of a life of joy and wellbeing. I know, because I experienced such a situation yesterday.

On Thursday, I returned from overseas to find things not going as I wished. All sorts of problems and bad news abounded. I noticed that I was very agitated, tense and on a short fuse with everyone around me. That night, I resolved to get to bed early, but not before a warm shower and meditation. I lit the calming chamomile incense and sat still for 20 minutes. It was a difficult meditation, more sitting than meditation as my thoughts were all over the place but I just sat in quietude and observed. I then crawled into bed, with this thought "Tomorrow is a new day". I resolved to start my day right with meditation, prayer, readings and journaling and set my alarm set an hour earlier to make sure that I could do this unhurriedly.

I awoke to the new day. I opened my Daily Word magazine "randomly" to a reading on ….. FAITH! "Blessings are flowing to me and from me this day". Magic, I thought, for this is exactly the message I need. I then opened my Creative Thought magazine again "randomly" and … more magic! "I am opulent" was the reading, with a quotation by Karen Drucker: "God is my source. God is my power. God gives me everything I need". In this spirit, I wrote 3 pages of things I was grateful for in my gratitude journal, some I had already received and some I desired to receive. I then proceeded to outline my "to do" list for the day, guided now by the poignant reminder to have faith in the only power and source that always gives me everything I need and focused by my expressions of gratitude!

From this moment on, my day becoming infused with all sorts of beautiful moments of manifestation. I wrote "Mother’s Day promo' for Free and Laughing. Within an hour, Michael Anthony Cuffe called and invited me to be a guest on his radio programme that evening to speak about my Free and Laughing CD! I received good news about the possibility of a large 6-month contract for my firm. I finally contacted a client, who had been ambivalent about a proposal over the past few months, and he told me "Marguerite, we have to talk. We need help". Payments long outstanding for my books and CDs came in. All was well in my world. Magic and miracles abounded! It was a new day!

And so I muse: what are the lessons from this experience? They abound, but here are a few. I am sure you will discern more.

1. Observe - our bodies signal our alignment with our intentions. Once we notice that our bodies and emotions are in disarray, it is a signal to change our state. We can start this process with simple, physical things – gentle nurturing of our bodies with a warm shower, yoga or massage; creating a calm environment and sitting quietly in meditation, or just sitting with eyes closed and deep, slow breathing

2. Our intentions - underlying this must be clarity around our intentions. Sometimes the discomfort in our bodies and emotions is telling us to get clear about our desired state

3. Be grateful – expressing our gratitude immediately shifts our state by reminding us how blessed we already are, and sets and focuses the blessings to come. What we give thanks for, we receive more of

4. Faith – know that God is the only Source, the only Power that gives us everything we need. When we have faith, we will know that any appearances to the contrary are simply temporary illusions that will pass away

Gratitude and faith. These two precepts set the foundation for our good to flow to us. We are co-creators of our lives. With clear intentions for our lives, faith in the only Source and gratitude for all our blessings, demonstrations of magic and miracles will be the norm, rather than the exception.

Me vs. swine flu

2009-04-27T09:27:00.003-05:00

"World vs. Swine flu" – Huffington Post
"Countries take steps to prevent swine flu outbreak" - CNN
"Swine flu fears sweeping the world" – Jamaica Observer
"US declares swine flu emergency" – MSN

Governments all over the world are rushing to formulate plans to fight this latest strain of the influenza virus. All sorts of measures are being implemented – from banning imports of meat to closing schools. We are advised to avoid contact with people who display any signs of the flu – and we are not to kiss! Oh dear …. this is serious.

One thing I am not hearing about is what we can do on a personal level. Since the flu attacks individuals, then there must be something that individuals can do. I believe that the main thing that we can each take responsibility for is the health of our immune system. Strong and healthy immune systems are able to withstand attacks on our body. Here’s what I am doing with immediate effect:

1. Increasing my daily intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. I will be vigilant about having my daily dose of green juice (coconut water, cucumber, pak choy and ginger – and whatever else is green in my fridge or garden). And I will consciously increase my intake of fruits – quite easy for me in Jamaica as mango season is here! A fresh salad each evening will be my dining delight! For those who still eat meat, now is a good time to reduce or eliminate this from your diet!

2. Making sure to drink lots of water and coconut water to flush my body of any germs or viruses that invade, and keep it well-hydrated

3. Getting adequate rest – tricky one for me, but I do plan to get to bed by 10.00 p.m. and to take little naps throughout the day

4. Exercise – spinning or running for the health of my heart and yoga for the oxygenation of my cells and detoxing and relaxation effects. Both, as with any form of exercise, will get my endorphins up and active so that I will feel relaxed and happy!

5. Laugh – 300 times per day like children do. Laughter is a great way to build the immune system as it oxygenates our cells and relieves the effects of stress. Plus it’s contagious, so it’s an easy way to help others to build their immune system

6. Stay positive – we do not have to buy in to the gloom and doom. I will affirm daily that I am perfect health and that every cell in my body is well

Yes, there is an increase in the incidence of this very dangerous flu. But we are not helpless, waiting, waiting, waiting for the inevitable attack and wondering and worrying about what our government is doing, or not doing about it. We can do our part to make sure that there is one less case by taking care of ourselves. This gives us a sense of empowerment and purpose – one of the very best things for our well-being.

Living life full out at 98!

2009-04-26T19:32:00.008-05:00

"How does it feel to be 98 Aunt Clara"?

"Great" was the response. The simplicity of the word belied the power of the emotion, for it was said with such a smile (see photo above and you will know what I mean) that you just KNOW that it really IS great to be 98 … and to be Aunt Clara.

Family and friends had gathered throughout yesterday afternoon and into the evening (last folks left at 10.00 p.m.) to celebrate the 98th birthday of my father’s cousin, Aunt Clara. It was the happiest of occasions. Friends and family arrived with sumptuous fare, flowers and gifts to honour this wonderful soul whom we all feel blessed to know and love. Small groups huddled, shaking heads in wonderment, able only to emit adjectives such as "amazing", "wonderful", "inspiring" to describe her. Words were failing us, as we sat and marvelled at this dynamo in our midst.

What is the secret to her longevity - not only to the length of her life, but the quality of it that has her so beloved by a bevy of friends of all ages and walks of life? What is her magic, her secret? I think it is this:

1. She looks forward. Aunt Clara is always planning something. We were all told months ago to reserve Saturday April 25 to join in her birthday celebration. She organized and executed everything. We were just told to turn up. And, she and I have already discussed her 100th birthday celebration!

2. She puts the past behind her. An oft-repeated phrase by Aunt Clara, whenever she is relating some incident that may not have been too pleasant for her is "Anyway, I just put that behind me". And that’s the end of that

3. She keeps moving. I noticed her yesterday rising to greet each new arrivant, bustling to get them something to eat and drink, refilling empty serving plates, checking that all were engaged and happy. Arthritis or no arthritis, Aunt Clara keeps moving

4. She surrounds herself with those she loves. Aunt Clara is legendary in her entertaining. Every Sunday she has friends to lunch, often times followed by tea! She is always inviting you to come and sit with her, have a cup of tea, a chat. And once she receives an invitation, she makes the effort to attend. She is a gracious hostess and guest

5. She is grateful. Whenever she comes to my home for a function, she never fails to call the next day to extend her gratitude and tell you what a lovely time she had

6. She smiles – always a smiling face, twinkling eyes showing her genuine love for you! Ailments are mentioned with a smile, a simple acceptance that it is what it is, not something to be dwelled upon nor complained about.

Looking at this list, I realise that it is applicable not just when you are 98, but at all ages. Live like this, and your life will truly be the joy it was meant to be!

Clara. Her name means “clear, bright”. She is truly a bright spark in the lives of those who know and love her. She is a beacon that shows us how life is to be lived! Her real secret is that she is fully engaged in life. Happy birthday to my dear Aunt Clara - my inspiration, my role model for living life full out!

Because she asked ....

2009-04-24T06:45:00.005-05:00

Photo: Kedija with the book she asked for

I was surrounded by a group of Wolmer’s girls asking for autographs, when one young lady, Kedija approached me and boldly and confidently said "May I have that book?" I immediately said "Yes" and handed her the copy of my book that I was holding. The other girls were aghast. Sensing a teaching moment, I stated "You know why I gave her the book? Because she asked".

Asking is the very first step to receiving what we want. Failing to ask means that we will receive all sorts of stuff, for the Universe is always pouring out its gifts and will give, regardless of whether we ask or not. However, if we fail to direct the giving, we may not desire what we are getting. We fail to ask for all sorts of reasons, but the most fundamental one is fear. We fear what other people will say. We fear what the response to our asking might be. I could have said “NO” to the request for the book. Then I am sure there would have been some jeering and laughing at Kedija throughout the day. In the future, she may have become more timid in her asking, as would the other girls. Sometimes we even fear getting the very thing we are asking for. Do we deserve it? Are we worthy? Can we handle it? The answer is that of course we deserve and are worthy of whatever we ask for. The Universe does not judge not discriminate. We ask …… it is given. Can we handle it? Well, we will never know unless we get it. And we must ask and accept in trust that the very Universe that gives us the thing will also give us the capacity and ability to handle it.

How we ask is also important. Kedija was so confident. She didn’t whisper her request. She boldly stepped up to me, raised her head high, held out her hand to me and asked for the book. I felt compelled to hand her the book. The book was already hers. There is no point in asking timidly. Timidity diffuses the energy of the asking and therefore the receiving. We must be bold in our asking.

There is another lesson from that morning with the Wolmer’s girls. Another young lady, Daneille, came up to me a little later and asked me for help in getting her book published. We have now started a robust e-mail conversation. Why? Because Daneille dared to ask. But more than that, she took action. I had given her my e-mail address and told her to e-mail me. Sure enough, later that day I received an e-mail from her.

How many times do we ask for what we want? How bold and confident are we in our asking? How many times do we take action, once we have asked? Taking action signals that we have accepted our good. The simple formula for living the life we truly desire is:
Ask
Accept
Act

In each of these steps we must be bold and confident, releasing or acting in spite of our fears. The Universe has no choice but to respond.

Laughing with 800 young ladies!

2009-04-23T07:39:00.002-05:00

Laughing with the young ladies at Wolmer's

I had the amazing and wondrous experience yesterday of laughing with 800 teenagers! The energy of 800 free and laughing young women is intoxicating and energising. When we all threw our hands up in the air and joyously declared “Very good, very good, YAAAY”, it was the sound of the Universe itself just laughing one big laugh!

This week, the alumni association of my alma mater, Wolmer’s High School for Girls, is celebrating its 100th year of existence (to put this into context, the school is also marking its 280th anniversary this year as well). My sister Carole and I offered to participate in their morning assembly. I read two chapters of my book, Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments, to which Carole danced. We then led the girls in a rousing laughter yoga session.

I will be writing more about this experience and my reflections over the next few days. But today, I just want to share how joyous the experience was.

We were giving freely of ourselves. Carole and I love our school, we love interacting with young people and we love to laugh! When you give freely and from the depths of your heart, there is a joy in that giving that is ecstatic. Like attracts like, so it invariably happens that the receiving is also ecstatic. We felt as if we were the real receivers, having been given a lovely gift. Carole and I had wonderful day yesterday, buoyed by the gift of the bond of laughing with 800 receptive, responsive and free young women!

Small adjustments

2009-04-22T07:58:00.001-05:00

Small adjustments can make big differences. I was reminded of this over the past weekend in two yoga workshops I attended. Each workshop was 3 hours long. Lisa, our teacher, gently and slowly guided us through the intricacies of different poses, revealing little “secrets” to go deeper correctly and without stress or strain. On Sunday, we did the camel pose. This is the pose where you are up on your knees and do a backbend until your hands touch your ankles. Previously, I had always struggled to get into this pose, bending back and leaning first to one side, then the other with my fingers scratching around in search of my ankles. When I finally found the pose, I would be happy, but somehow knew that I was expending too much effort to get there. In the Sunday workshop there was this huge collective gasp from the class when we followed Lisa’s instructions and made just one small adjustment – we all easily and gracefully flowed back and our hands magically floated to our ankles! My heart blossomed throughout the entire sequence, and it felt right.

Isn’t this the way it is in our lives as well? Sometimes, it’s not about the huge changes. Yes, those are important. But many times, it’s the small adjustments that have huge impact. And mostly, it’s the small adjustments that allow us to live our lives in ease and grace, going with the flow of life and allowing our hearts to open and blossom. Sometimes we take on big changes and it’s as if they are too much for us to handle and we sabotage ourselves. This is where small adjustments make all the difference. For example, I love coffee. I drink it throughout the day. I rejoice whenever I read a new report that says that coffee is good for you. Yet I know that perhaps I drink just a little too much. I have tried to cut it out entirely, but have always gone back after a few days or weeks. I just enjoy my coffee. Now, here’s the small adjustment: switch to a demitasse cup rather than a mug! This will automatically cup my consumption by half or even two thirds – effortlessly and easily, and I will still be able to sip my coffee throughout the day!

Today – think about a small adjustment you can take that will make a big difference in your life. Then, just do it, today. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Just make a small adjustment today and watch the magic of your life unfold with ease and grace, as it did in my yoga class on Monday when we did the camel pose – and once again, I melted into it effortlessly and easily.

Apache blessing

2009-04-17T06:53:00.002-05:00

I love this Apache blessing, and share it with you today. It acknowledges our interconnectedness with our world, and the beauty and goodness of nature. It is my sincere wish for you.

May the sun bring you new energy by day
May the moon softly restore you by night
May the rain wash away your worries
May the breeze blow new strength into your being
May you walk gently through the world
And know its beauty all the days of your life

Exhale, ebb, bust

2009-04-15T12:05:00.000-05:00

I got a call last week from a young woman requesting some time with me to help her work through some life issues. I always say yes to these requests for it is an opportunity for me to help someone. But more deeply I have found that whenever someone approaches me with an issue, it is the very same issue with which I am grappling!

Danielle started her marketing consultancy about 7 months ago. The business got going with a bang and she was busy, busy, busy until …. December, when all her proposals were unanswered, calls not returned, work not flowing and cash not rolling in. Panic! Should she have left her job to do this? Should she have waited until she paid off her debt and mortgage before starting her business? Did she make a mistake? Should she have listened to her father? How will she pay her light bill? That was fundamentally the big question!

Such questions are normal in the slow times. When things are good, work flowing, cash coming in, busy busy busy, we have no time to reflect on whether we are doing the right thing, doing it right, should be doing something else or are totally off track. It turns out that Danielle had actually strayed from her business plan and had lost her focus. This ebb in work is a wakeup call. It is giving her time to revisit her business plan, to refocus on her business, to reflect on who she is, what she wants and how her new business will best support her. It is a necessary part of the cycle of her life.

Life is not just about flow. There is the ebb. It is not just about the inhale. We must exhale. It is not just about the boom – it’s also about the bust. The ebb, the exhale, the bust are even more important for our learning than the flow, the inhale, the boom. This is when we have the time, when busyness gives way to the true business of our lives – learning, growing, and being in integrity with who we truly are. These times are to be welcomed and made good use of. This is when we have the space (and the impetus) to create, to look at things differently, to see new opportunities, to try new things, to connect with new people. We may call it a slump and wonder what’s happening to us. Not a thing. We are simply in the cycle of life. When we relax into the rhythm, then we will be able to see the value of these times.

At the end of our conversation I found that as usual, some of the issues with which Danielle had been grappling, were my own. I received a powerful reminder to value and honour the ebb, the exhale, the bust in my life. These phases are part of my life, integral to my wholeness and happiness. Accepting with openness and joy will put me in the space of learning and growing, and of manifesting my magnificence in the ebb and flow, in the inhale and exhale, in the boom and the bust. Enjoy the ride!

Hold onto nothingness

2009-04-14T10:50:00.002-05:00

"Hold onto nothingness". Deep into our yoga class, we melted deeply into a variation of the One-legged King Pigeon pose. As we came out of the pose after minutes of being still, Donovan, our yoga teacher asked us to notice that for a moment we had been in a place of nothingness. He exhorted us to "hold onto this nothingness" not just in our yoga postures, but throughout our day and indeed our lives, for nothingness is ultimately where we want to be.

Yet it occurred to me that when we try to hold onto nothingness, we are actually holding onto something. Whatever we hold onto in turn takes hold of us and becomes something, something that defines, binds and limits us. Nothingness is just that – "no thing": once we hold onto it, then "no thing" becomes "some thing". The essence of nothingness has to be nonattachment, even to a moment when we experienced the nothingness. It is to not be attached to ever experiencing or holding on to that moment again. True nothingness is not something to hold onto – it is to just be.

The reason we had experienced that state of nothingness in our asana was because we had gone beyond our physical body limitations. Looking at us, you would have labelled us "contorted". To get there, we had to let go of all thoughts and ideas of what the body could and could not do. We exhaled deeply, and the nothingness appeared in that hovering moment between exhalation and inhalation. In that moment, our bodies ceased to exist. For a moment, we had no breath: we were dead, surrendered to the nothingness. Yet, in that moment of surrender we were actually vibrantly alive for we were no-thing. The moment of nothingness, in hindsight, we could label "ecstasy". Hindsight because when we are in that moment of nothingness then there are no labels, names, feelings, hurts or sensations – nothing. We just are. It is when we return to the human condition that we glimpse the memory of the moment and label it "nothingness", "ecstasy" – or whatever we choose. Yet it matters not what we choose to call it, for it is only a label for a memory.

To experience the beautiful nothingness we have to release – let go, allow, surrender. Then there is nothing to hold onto, just no-thing to be.

The First Dog

2009-04-13T01:21:00.004-05:00

Bo Obama - the First Dog

Itsy and Betti - two of MY First Dogs!

The moment we (at least all dog lovers) have been waiting for has finally arrived – Bo Obama has made his appearance at the White House.

I am so delighted for Sasha and Malia that they have finally got the dog their dad promised them in his acceptance speech on Election Night. I know that this is the beginning of countless hours of joy, of sweet memories that will last a lifetime, of lessons about life and death, of the unconditional, unwavering love that only a dog can bring and of loyalty and friendship.

Readers of my book “Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments” will know how I feel about dogs, through two chapters “If I Had Only” and “Love as a Dog”. Dogs have occupied my life from birth. My father was an avid dog lover, so we always had dogs. For my sister and I, our love of and for dogs has not diminished over time – I believe it has become even stronger and more compelling. I currently have five dogs and Carole has three. We love them dearly. They are family and friends, all wrapped up in bundles of furry, bounding unconditional love and companionship. As I write this, I have to be careful how I get up from my seat, as two of them are curled around the chair. The moment I move, their eyes will fly open, their ears perk up and they will be poised to follow me wherever I trod.

Dogs are the ultimate in free and laughing living! They live in the moment, and are present to everything around them. They harbour no (or few) grudges. They observe everything around them, with their ultra-keen sense of hearing picking up things that human ears cannot. They are sensitive to our moods, knowing exactly what to do to move us from sad to happy. They release everything and accept us for who and what we are. And they are the epitome of trust and love.

I wish for Bo, Sasha and Malia many years of play and love. Their lives will never be the same. He is their First Dog. Betti, Itsy, Cloud, Daisy and Mufasa are mine. They are my playmates, friends, companions, security guards, comfort givers, heart keepers. I hope Bo will be these and more for them. Long live man’s friendship with dogs!

Creating amazing experiences

2009-04-02T09:17:00.002-05:00

Over the past few months my sister and I have been clearing out my mother’s home of all her earthly belongings that she now has no use for. As we have painstakingly sorted through cupboards, drawers, cabinets, boxes and bags, we have had to make a decision for every single item - whether to keep, toss or give away – and to whom. As the garbage bags fill and accumulate, I have had this overwhelming emotion of "what is the point"?

What’s the point of all the buying and accumulation of things – things that at the time seemed so important but that are now inconsequential clutter? Some things have significance – gifts that I had bought her on my travels, awards my brother received, accolades for my sister’s dancing, trinkets and artwork made by grandchildren, Christmas and birthday gifts carefully chosen over months of agonising "what shall I give Mummy to show her how special she is to me?" Again and again I realise that the real significance is not the thing itself but the love with which it was given – and received. It is the moment of exchange that was the gift, not the thing now discarded by Mummy and by us.

Months of filling garbage bags and boxes for the dumpster or donation have made me resolve that from now on my gift will be "amazing experiences" rather than things. I had two such experiences recently – one where I gave and the other where I received.

The first was the amazing experience I created to celebrate my daughter Victoria’s 16th birthday. She had stated early on that she did not want the usual Sweet Sixteen bash. As I am a birthday bunny, I set about creating an amazing experience for her, for such an occasion could never go unheralded. It took 3 months of planning and I pulled it off! It was a truly amazing “oh my gosh” experience – one that Victoria will never ever forget, and neither will I.

The second was for my own birthday a few days later. The day before, I offhandedly (butt secretly hopefully) said to my sister "Let’s go to the beach in the morning". Normally Carole would hesitate about a midweek beach jaunt, haunted no doubt by the myriad to-dos on her list. This time she agreed without a blink. "My treat" she said. Everything about that morning was magical – it’s as if the whole Universe conspired to make it simply amazing. We were greeted on arrival by smiling employees, who joked and laughed and allowed us to park in the restricted section (I told them it was my birthday). Then, as we crested the sand dunes, an expanse of blue water glistened and sparkled, rays of sun dancing on the calm, gently lapping surface as if saying "Happy birthday Marguerite" (photo above is the scene that greeted us). We were treated to the "first fish" of the day – fresh, fried to perfect, dry crispiness and washed down with a bottle of frosty Ting (a Jamaican grapefruit soda). Carole and I sat as sisters and best friends do, happy to revel only in each other’s company – a rare occurrence what with our busy lives and numerous family and work commitments. There could have been no better gift from her.

Reflecting on the joy of these experiences, for me as giver and receiver, I have resolved to do them even more. So, I muse: how do we create amazing experiences?

1. Dream – dream and dream BIG! There are no limits on our dreams. Nothing is impossible, and that "yes you can" create whatever you envision. Commit your dream to writing. This provides a record of your seeming insanity at the time, and allows you to read and reread so that over time, it actually becomes ingrained as your reality.

2. Discard – discard assumptions and beliefs about what is possible, acceptable, normal. Amazing experiences are about tapping into and claiming the magnificence of the Universe as your own. Manmade, societal beliefs only limit us – discard them.

3. Decide – really commit to doing it, despite the seeming obstacles. They are obstacles only in your mind. Worried about how much it will cost? Stop worrying, for worry only blinds us to the reality that we can find a way. I am always amazed at how much less our amazing experiences cost once we have decided and committed. Indeed, sometimes they are even free, as you open up to the numerous channels the Universe has provided for you to realise your good! Decide and commit.

4. Do it – just do it – regardless. Keep the dream front of mind. When I was planning Victoria’s amazing experience there wasn’t a day that I didn’t read my vision, think about it and plan for it.

The beautiful thing about giving an amazing experience is that you receive one as well – indeed, you receive it twice – once in the creation and planning and secondly in the manifestation. So, Victoria’s amazing experience was mine too, and my amazing experience was Carole’s. That in and of itself is an amazing experience – that you can give someone something, but that you receive it not once, but twice!

Today, dream about amazing experiences you can create for yourself and others and then set about creating them. The more we do it, the more our lives will become one big amazing experience! Sounds a bit like being free and laughing? That's exactly what it is.

Parenting is gender neutral

2009-03-30T08:29:00.002-05:00

As I headed out the door at 1.00 a.m. on Sunday morning to pick up my teenagers from a party, I noticed in me feelings of resentment and discomfort about having to do a task that I consider a man’s job, the dangers of a woman exiting her home in the depths of night and driving alone on dark, mostly deserted roads. Thankfully, I came out of it, as I realised that regardless of the circumstances, I do whatever I have to do for the wellbeing and happiness of my children.

All of us have assigned roles to "mother" and "father". Typically, these come from what our mothers and fathers did or did not do. Societal norms affirm these beliefs, with numerous literature and studies on the distinctions and acceptable characteristics of the roles. As our children are born, we come to parenting as mother if we are female, and father if we are male. However, these distinctions are not just about the biological roles, but of the behavioural ones, with clear demarcations of what each must do and is responsible for. In playing out these gender roles, conflicts arise. There is discord between the parents due to differing definitions and expectations from their own unique upbringing as no two people have exactly the same experience of "mother" and "father". As each grapples with what works and what doesn’t, there are internal struggles as well – with what we have transferred automatically from our experience, and what we recognise does not work with the unique individuals known as our children. Matters are further compounded when there is only one parent present. Then that parent has to figure out how to provide the full experience of parenting required by the child. For whether it is by mother, father or both, the child has needs that must (or should) be met.

Once we recognise that parenting is about doing our best to meet our child’s needs for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual guidance and development, and then it matters less which gender provides it. Dysfunction in the relationship with the child occurs when we approach the task with rigid definitions of "mother" and "father", as half of a mother/father pair rather than as a whole parent. For when we do this we become resentful and angry at the failure of the other party and our own failure. It is these negative feelings that cause dysfunction, not the situation itself.

It is important that we approach parenting with a focus on our children’s wellbeing, and not from our past experience of being parented. Whatever our children need, we provide as best we can regardless of whether our father or mother did or did not do it, or who society says "should" do it. Communication between the parents is crucial – to define what parenting means for both in terms of their upbringing and deeply held beliefs, what each child’s unique needs are, and who will do what regardless of societal gender-based roles. It is so important to approach parenting with love and gratitude, for the gift of a child is the greatest joy. When things go right, it is the source of highest joy and when things go wrong, it provides our greatest life lessons.

As I headed out the door at 1.00 a.m. my thoughts were transformed from anger and resentment to gratitude for the gift of being a parent. Whatever my children need I will provide lovingly and joyously, regardless of whether it is considered the mother’s job or the father’s job. I am a parent.

I live boldly

2009-03-03T01:17:00.002-05:00

One of my inspirational readings on Sunday was entitled "I live boldly". This affirmation rested with me all day as I contemplated living boldly. I thought of people throughout history, people I have known who dared to live boldly. Some are famous, some just quietly live boldly. I remembered how boldly my son Shane was born – barrelling into this world with such speed that the doctor hardly had time to catch him! And he has been bold ever since. I happened upon a video clip of a 13-year old young man, addressing the Conference of Conservatives in the United States of America and boldly lecturing the gathering on what conservatism really is – "A principle, not a policy" - with such gumption and aplomb. And I thought of myself – some of the bold, audacious things I have done and some I have thought of, but not done … yet.

Now, I have some very, very grand ideas. Many of them have not been carried out. Could it be that I am not living boldly? Perhaps, for what also keeps niggling at the edges of my mind is feedback from the leader of a painting workshop I attended two weeks ago: "You need to be bold". At the time, I thought she was crazy – "Who me? More bold than I already am?" And then I let it sink in. Perhaps I am not as bold as I think. I took this comment to be not just about my painting, but about who I am; for my painting, indeed everything I do, is a reflection of that. What I express on paper is who I am. If I am not bold enough on paper – could it be that I am not bold enough in my life?

To add further to my musing on living boldly, yesterday I came across this sentence "I only have ideas I am able to carry out". Does this mean that any idea I create, I have the capacity and capability to carry it out? This makes sense, for if I did not, then I would not even be able to think the idea. This is totally in alignment with two well-known quotations:

"What the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve"
"A think is created twice – once in the mind and then in the physical realm"

This is a powerful thought, that just by having an idea, I also have the ability to carry it out! Indeed, this thought is BOLD - pushing us beyond what we ever thought possible for ourselves, beyond the limits of our action, and indeed the limits of our ideas. Living boldly is how we manifest the abundance and the evergivingness of the Universe. It is also the path to joy, for living boldly is living exactly as the Universe is. When we live boldly, we are in full harmony with the Universe and all in it. And most of all, we are in harmony with ourselves.

What do we need to do to live boldly? We need to create two realities: the first is a bold vision, or idea of who we are and what we are about. I am a strong advocate of writing or drawing this vision, so that you create a strong emotional connection with it. There are no limits here - we have an infinite capacity to think and create. Let us use it!

Having declared it in our mind, and committing it to Mind, our next step is to create it in the physical realm. Now here is the tricky part. This is not about obsessive doing, nor passive sitting. It is about allowing our good to flow to us unrestricted. It is about tuning into Divine Guidance: to know when to flow and when to go. It is about removing or rising above our fears and acting regardless.

There is nothing hesitant or tentative about our Universe. It is a vibrant, alive, ever-changing, always evolving, creative force manifesting in every millisecond something new and magnificent. There is nothing hesitant or tentative about our true nature as human beings - our ability to create ever more magnificent forms.

As we learn to live boldly, ever and ever greater guidance will come to us to live even more boldly so that our lives become beacons of what is possible for humanity. Think of those who live boldly – isn’t that what they are?

All-one

2009-03-01T07:51:00.004-05:00

My friend Elsa wrote on her Facebook page:

Tonight i looked out my window and saw a breadfruit slice of a moon in the sky. Clear white light. And beside it, to the right almost perfectly in line with the tip of the slice, the brightest diamond of a star. The sky is a deep velvet blue. There are no other stars out yet. Everything is aligned correctly in line ........ beautiful .........

I followed:
I saw it too as I came out of my yoga class. I stopped and let it just melt in

And then my sister Carole:
You know, I just realised I saw it too....it was like a dream

Elsa again:
Oh, I thought it was different. So it wasn't just me alone. What a beauty ...

Carole and I live in Jamaica and Elsa lives in Edmonton Canada. Yet were looking at the same thing and having the same response. This is a real reminder that we live in one beautiful world, and that we are all one – not alone – all-one!

I am an artist

2009-02-22T11:38:00.007-05:00

"My daughter and me"

"Lights in the garden"

The poster at my yoga studio read:

"Learn how to paint from the heart evoking the beauty hidden within us. Join us as we celebrate the Goddesses within and around us"

I immediately signed up, drawn to the Saturday afternoon workshop by some force that said "Yes Marguerite, time to unleash your artist within".

Like many women in the workshop, I had "done" art at school. Art then was a rigid study of right and wrong. There was little room for true self-expression and exploration outside the bounds of a very small and restrictive box. So, my class ended up with a few who were "good at art" … and the rest of us. Once I left high school, that was it for me and art, and many other things that I had been told I wasn’t good at.

Unfortunately, little seems to have changed, as only a few weeks ago, my son, battle-weary from fighting with his art teacher, asked in frustration "Mummy, how can you be wrong in art?". I sighed and told him that I did not know, that there were no right or wrong answers, just maybe, ways to do things better or differently. I believe that as humans we do nothing but create, so each and very human being is creative. My belief about art is that it is an expression of our inner being. There can be no right or wrong in art. It is personal. Now, we may not like the art of someone else, but that is our issue – not the artist’s. We are seeing something wrong through eyes of judgement, dissatisfaction, negativity. Whose eyes? Ours! Whose judgement? Ours! Whose "wrong"? Ours! An artist who knows his or her true "I AM" continues to express regardless!

Yesterday, about 20 women and 1 man turned up to the workshop, each of us with our tales of not being considered good at art or creative but yearning to express ourselves. We were facilitated by a most loving, affirming teacher – Denise Harry-Inglis. Denise very skilfully critiqued our work, for while she pointed out things we could have done better, she validated our efforts as coming from our individual hearts, and therefore of value and worth to the world. We all left feeling that we had created masterpieces! We literally danced out of the studio, each of us holding two or three works of art ready for framing! Smiles, laughter, joy prevailed in abundance as the goddesses created, and the sole man joined in and celebrated!

Yesterday reminded me that whatever I desire I can be. I say proudly now "I am an artist". This is yet another role that I accept and embody as the truth of my "I AM". There are other "I ams" that I have accepted in my life despite what others may have said. "I am an athlete". Whoever thought that Marguerite, who always came last at every sport’s day at school, would win an age-group trophy in a road race, as well as medals for finishing marathons? "I am an author". Whoever thought that Marguerite, who lost the battle with the Management Communications lecturer at business school, would publish a book that people buy and actually like?

It does not matter what other people think. I know I am an artist as gifted as Picasso, Michaelangelo and all the other famous artists throughout history. Whatever the Universe provided them, it provided me. Does it matter to me if you agree? Absolutely not! For I know who I am. I am an artist. As I am anything that I want to be! Regardless of what anyone has ever told me or tells me now. It matters not.

I headed home yesterday, eager to share my masterpieces with my children, my ultimate critics. I did feel a smidgen of trepidation, but this was vastly outweighed by my pride and enthusiasm. I bounded through the door, bursting to display the works to them. "Here’s my art". Pause: me still smiling broadly, waiting for their approval, but knowing that if I didn’t get it, it didn’t matter. Pause. Then, Victoria declared that she wanted one framed for her room. Shane said "YOU did that? It’s good". And Daniel, Shane’s friend opined "Wow auntie! That is wicked!". Out of the mouths of babes …..

I am an artist. I am anything I desire to be. And so are you!

I am a "recessionista"

2009-02-21T22:47:00.003-05:00

What in the world is a "recessionista"?

Definition:
Someone who views the glass as half full – even when it’s a smaller glass; a person who is embracing the recession, holding to the principles that life is for living – regardless!

Behaviours:
1. Laughs – a lot! Not at anything, but just to laugh
2. Doesn’t read the newspapers nor watch the news
3. Sees "downsizing" the lifestyle as an adventure
4. Won’t give up her regular mani/pedi – some things are sacrosanct – but goes fortnightly rather than weekly
5. Reads magazines online rather than buy
6. Grows her own vegetables - or is trying to
7. Recycles her clothes and is into mending (maybe even darning?)
8. Is into potlucks – it’s OK to invite people to your house and don’t provide all the food
9. Likes the Zen feel of not buying "stuff"
10. Thinks window shopping is great!
11. Does an upper body rather than a full body massage
12. Gets just as much pleasure salivating over shoes online as she used to get buying them
13. Thinks "FREE" is a wonderful word!
14. Swaps clothes with friends to create a new wardrobe – nothing wrong with "previously-worn"
15. Now understands why she loves yoga so much – exhaling deeply is SO important
16. Loves when the cashier offers her the senior citizen discount
17. Knows that whatever happens – this too shall pass!
18. Recession? What recession?
19. Has finally learned to graciously say "Yes" when someone offers to buy something for her
20. Knows that the only thing that really matters, the only reality, is love

Douglas and Daisy's wedding anniversary orchid

2009-02-12T13:30:00.002-05:00

I received this e-mail from my sister this morning:

This orchid plant was given to us by the School of Dance at the time of Mummy's passing. Here it is in full bloom once more on Mummy and Daddy's 61st Wedding Anniversary!

The amazing thing is that I have never had an orchid rebloom - they usually wither and die.....

Much love
Carole

I am speechless at the wonder of this all! What a beautiful universe of never-ending love and connection we live in!

Free and laughing - one woman's experience

2009-01-31T07:09:00.006-05:00

I was blown away to receive this e-mail describing the powerful, transformative effect that my book "Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments" has had on this woman:

Hi Marguerite: I visited my herbalist, and i saw your book "Free and Laughing" displayed. i questioned same, but at the time was not inclined to purchase same as funds was low.

Days after, i travelled overseas and while at the airport, i visited the bookshop and there was the book staring me in the face.....recognizing that my trip would be boring and i would have some free time, i immediately purchased same.

Man was i blessed......i completed your book in 3 days....something unheard of from me who is not an avid reader....

i found your book to be easy to read and at a time when i was going through issues in my life it really ministered to my soul and has allowed me to have a totally new and positive outlook on life and what life has to offer me.

i am sharing this book with my friends as each time i speak to them about their negative outlook on life i make mention of something you might have mentioned in your book.

can i share a secret with you? Over a year ago, i had a relationship that ended on bad notes and it left me devastated and hopeless....i had given so much of myself, time and finances to this relationship and without warning the bombshell dropped to inform me that we were not compatible and he wanted out......i was not able to get over the hurt totally as i felt used etc...what affected me, is that the calibre person i made him out to be, i did not expect that behaviour.

When i read your book i was able to move on with my life and recognise that love is unconditional and it should not be tied to our expectations from the other party.....can i tell you that i have found myself loving the fact that i did all that i did and have moved on with my life....mark you....there are lessons learnt.

Thanks again for writing this book

I asked her permission to share her e-mail with others, and received this response:

No problem. i would also want to add that it has been causing me to reflect on my relationship with God and my wanting to even grow closer to him....it is helping me to love the unloveable.

Make of this what you will. I only know that I am inspired by her words, the shifts she is making in her life, and happy to have played some small part in it.

The power to change the world

2009-01-30T13:40:00.003-05:00

Last night at a home in the hills overlooking Kingston, the capital city of Jamaica, I was part of a group that had gathered to meet and honour a leading Jamaican-American who was instrumental in mobilising the voting population of South Florida to elect Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States.

As the discussion evolved, a central theme emerged: "The Power of the Individual to make a difference". Many present kept veering back to what the politicians, business leaders, lawyers and others in the Jamaican society needed to do to make a difference. Much time was spent trying to figure out the Jamaican version of Barack Obama who would, like Moses lead us out of the wilderness of poverty, crime and social and economic degradation. No-one could identify such a person, as they kept looking in the usual obvious places, to people who were already part of the system, the very system that needs to change.

Is it feasible that someone from within the system could actually be the agent of change? Barack Obama tells us no, for he was always an outsider to whatever system he was placed. All the great agents of change in the world tell us no – they were always outsiders. The laws of physics tell us no. Just think of the law of inertia:

An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

Using this analogy, we can see that the people currently leading the system (the object at rest or in motion) cannot be the "unbalanced force" for they are devoted to keeping it "stable" i.e. as it is. They have a vested interest in maintaining it, not changing it. What we are therefore seeking is an unbalanced, or external force – something outside of our current system.

Whenever I hear questions around who is to lead change, my thoughts immediately turn to Mahatma Gandhi’s quote: "Be the change you want to see". And I therefore have to ask myself: could that force be me? Could it be you? For that is the power of the individual – each and every one of us can make a difference if and as we choose. The power of the individual starts with each and every one of us. Whatever change we want to see, we must be that change.

What are some of the things we can do right where we are to be the change we want to see? Here are a few practical suggestions:

Think that "someone" needs to transform our education system?
1. Call the principal of your alma mater today and find out what the needs of the school are. Give money, time – whatever you can. This we all can do. For those who are busy, give money. For those who have no money, give time.

2. Help a child – find out from the school if there are any children in need of a mentor (I can guarantee you will get a long list). Devote even one hour per week to that child and you will make a huge difference to the world. Who is to say that that child will not grow up to be a world mover and shaker like Barack Obama?

Think "someone" needs to make sure we have responsible government?
1. Speak up! Don’t like what the government is doing? Write a letter and have it delivered by courier to the responsible minister with a copy to the press
2. Whenever you see a government official – summon the courage and let them know (politely) exactly how you feel
3. Attend public meetings and consultations held by various government entities and speak up!

Think that "someone" needs to do "something" about crime?
1. Report crimes – no matter how small
2. Stopped for a traffic ticket? Take it, go to court and plead “innocent” no matter how many times you have to go back to court. DON’T bribe the policeman, and don’t give in and plead guilty (unless you are)!
3. Support organizations that help to rehabilitate prison inmates
4. Resist negative talk – do not add to the energy of fear and hopelessness. Choose to speak positively, and point out to others when they are speaking negatively

Think that "people" need to be more civil to each other?
1. Smile at all whom you meet today and everyday – the power of the smile to change someone’s day is amazing
2. When you see a service person with a name tag, acknowledge them by name – and with a smile. You have indicated that you have noticed them as an individual, not just some anonymous server
3. Remember your manners – say good morning to all whom you pass – everyone – newspaper man, windscreen wiper, beggars, your co-workers, your boss, security guards, every single one!
4. Thank people who give you service

There are so many things we can do when we realise that we ARE the change we want to see. When we start taking individual action, others see and some will do likewise – soon, there is a critical mass and the change happens – like magic we believe, but not really, it’s just the natural laws at work. Taking action, no matter how small and insignificant we think it may be, frees us from hopelessness and fear. We know we are doing something. We are not waiting for, nor depending on others. We feel free, for we know that we are making a positive difference to the world.

Marc

2009-01-22T23:07:00.003-05:00

People who have known me for a long time are surprised when I tell them that I have three children - Marc, who was 29 last Thursday, Victoria (15) and Shane (13). You can see the puzzled furrow of their brow, the question in their eyes as they try to recall seeing me pregnant 29 years ago!

I was not. For Marc is really my stepson. He moved from Trinidad to Jamaica when his father and I married. He was then a shy, gangly 8 year old. Today he is a dazzingly handsome, 6ft 4in hunk of a man. And my son.

I have a very special place in my heart for Marc. He is as much "mine" as Victoria and Shane, my birth children, are. We share a very special bond that has grown warmer and closer as the years have trundled by. Ours is not the step relationship of Aesop’s fables (although I am sure that there may have been a moment or two when Marc was growing up when he DID think I was the wicked stepmother). It is a love born of a situation in which we both found ourselves "by accident". It is a relationship held by the glue of unconditional love, of a choice to love as mother/son.

I am proud of Marc and the man he has become. My mother nicknamed him the "gentle giant", for despite his size, he is one of the sweetest, most caring and considerate persons you will ever meet. He had a warm, loving relationship with my parents. I recall that on the day before my mother passed she gently and sweetly whispered to him on the telephone "Thank you Marc for all the joy you brought to my life". That joy had been fully expressed when he surprised her with an unexpected (by her only - we all knew the surprise he had planned) appearance at her 90th birthday party. Even today, 10 years after Marc graduated from Wolmer’s High School for Boys, teachers remember him “Ah Marc McKenzie” they say with a sigh and a sweet, reflective smile.

I would like to take credit for this young man, but I know there are many people who have contributed to this wonderful human being being wonderful - his father, birthmother, grandparents, extended family, teachers, coaches and a host of others. Fundamentally though, Marc is who he is because of the choices he has made to remember who he is - a magnificent spirit, in the image and likeness of God.

Today, I celebrate my son Marc, and all the amazingly wonderful young men like him - there are a lot more of them out there than we think!

Clothes

2009-01-21T07:07:00.002-05:00

Second only to President Obama’s Inaugural Address was the anticipation of the First Lady’s Inaugural gown. It was a close second as was confirmed by a poll on the Internet that asked what people were most looking forward to for the Inauguration. I must admit that I had some hesitation in casting my own vote for while I knew that the "right" choice should be the speech, I really wanted to see The Dress!

So I was a bit disappointed when it was finally unveiled at the Neighbourhood Ball.

The dress itself was beautiful. Yet something bothered me. As I watched the President and First Lady dancing, it struck me Mrs. Obama did not look comfortable. She kept tugging at the back, it was clearly too long and it seemed to get in the way of the two-step led by her husband.

The first function of our clothes is comfort and then adornment. Without the first, the second doesn’t happen. If we are not comfortable, then we do not look or feel beautiful. For clothes are salves to the ego. When we look good, we feel good. We like our leaders to dress up, for we feel a collective balm – all is well in the world when our leaders look good. Salve to our collective ego. The world judges us by how we look, and we judge others by how they look. Some of us need clothes to validate ourselves. Yet we are not our clothes – they are merely costumes that we don for whatever role we decide to play in the drama (or comedy) that is our life.

Our clothes are simply appendages, there only for the function of Man. Spirit needs no clothes. In no way should our outer accoutrements interfere with our business at hand, and the only real business we have is to be and express our Spirit nature. Note that those who dedicate themselves to the conscious work of Spirit such as priests and nuns wear the same thing all the time.

It is good to remember that our clothes, our skin, our bodies are not us. We are Spirit, already beautiful and perfect. When we remember that, whatever we don, we will be and look amazing.

Mrs. Obama – wear whatever you choose. Just be comfortable.

All is well in the world today

2009-01-18T11:54:00.002-05:00

As I sat on my back patio early this morning, I observed all that was going on around me in this, my little sanctuary from the world. Cloud, my Shih Tzu Zazu (from the Lion King) brought me the morning report that all was well in the backyard, having taken a stately, sniffing walk along the perimeter of the fences, checking for anything new or out of place. She touched noses with Daisy, the rambunctious mongrel, who had frolicked her way to the back fence and back, and then stretched out on the patio to soak up the healing, life-giving rays of the morning sun.

The blackbird troubadours were busy pecking pellets of dog food from Daisy and Mufasa’s dog bowls, leftovers from their evening meal. They were a cacophony of black missiles as they noisily zinged from roof to trees, back and forth announcing their takeoff, flight and landing to all the world. The cooing of the ground doves were the gentle background strings to the blackbirds’ trumpets. And every now and then, a passing truck gave a percussive note or two to the symphony of the moment.

The morning was also a symphony of visual beauty – my mango tree loaded with countless yellow and brown blossoms, bougainvillea popping pink, orange, white and purple blooms, all on the canvas of the lawn, ferns, gingers, breadfruit, otaheite and other trees each with its own palette of green.

All this happening in the moment, and Cloud laying in the sun. All is well in my world today.

Then, I came inside and checked what’s happening in the world today. A Facebook friend had posted a photo album of the most horrific scenes of children killed and injured in Gaza. While horrified, I was transfixed. I could not stop looking. I was seeing and feeling the pain of the mothers and fathers who had to endure this ultimate tragedy, the one that no parent ever wants to think of.

All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in my world today?

I thought of the insanity of believing that one could create peace with fear, violence and fighting. I remembered Gandhi’s terse wisdom: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". What can I, as one person out of 6.5 billion people in the world do about this, I asked myself. The scenes were in such sharp juxtaposition to the morning moment on my back patio. How could all be well in my world, if all is clearly not well in someone else’s world?

That's a question that I am not sure that I have an answer for. All I know is that I will continue to affirm that "all is well", for that is the reality that I desire for myself and all people in the world – in Gaza, Israel, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Zimbabwe, Jamaica. To think otherwise is to create that other world, the one that is the antithesis to the peace that I felt on my back patio this morning. To believe that all is not well is to negate the energy of that moment, and to allow fear to triumph. My peaceful, loving thoughts make a difference not just to my life, but to the world. Every thought, every word, every deed is transmitted as, in and throughout the energy field that is the Universe. There are no secret thoughts - once you have a thought, everyone knows, as it becomes a part of everyone.

Who is to say that my thought of peace on my back patio in Jamaica may not stop a bullet in Gaza? For perhaps, just perhaps that thought found it’s place in the heart of someone who was about to pull the trigger ... and didn't.

All this happening in the moment, and Cloud still laying in the sun. All is well in the world today.

Priority #1 - to love

2009-01-14T09:24:00.002-05:00

"I am so sad to receive the most distressing news that my dear friend for over 50 years has passed away. My hearfelt condolences. I was a guest of the Orane's in 1952 - Douglas Roy was a baby. I was a member of Trinidad's contingent to the WI Jamboree. Mrs Orane kept in touch with me all those years and used to send me Christmas food parcels when I was a student. I am deeply saddened" - Ram

My sister received this e-mail yesterday from someone who had sent our mother a Christmas card, and whom she had then informed of Mummy’s passing last year.

Ram’s e-mail touched me so much. Here is a man who as a teenager came to a strange country 56 years ago for a week or two and in that time began a lifelong friendship. I reflect on my mother’s kindness and consideration that she demonstrated throughout her life. Can you imagine us with our busy schedules finding time to send a young student food parcels, and then to keep in touch each Christmas for over 50 years? It boggles my mind, as I look at my own long list of things to do, and the seemingly longer list of things I still haven’t found the time to do! And yet, Mummy had the same 24 hours per day, 7 days each week, 52 weeks each year. She was certainly no less busy than I am – she mothered 6 children, cared for a multitude of extended family, ran a family business and volunteered for charity. How did she do it?

I believe Mummy did it by making a conscious commitment to love, to be that love and demonstrate it wherever she was. For example, she held her Christmas newsletter as a priority. She would harass us, her children, for paragraphs on our families, and we would lament about finding the time to do it, and didn’t she know how busy we were, and she’s alright - she’s retired. But the Christmas newsletter would go out to her circle of family and friends, including friend from Trinidad whom she met for a week or two when he as a teenage in 1952! She even sent him food packages when he was a student – and here am I wondering where I am going to find the time this week to go to the supermarket!

Whenever we travelled, Mummy would have a long list of people who she had to bring “a little something” for – her manicurist, her hairdresser, her helper, her gardener, the caretaker at church, our driver, my brother’s assistant. And somehow, she would do it. I was always amazed, as I could barely get through my own personal list in the limited time we had. It occurred to me as I was giving my gardener his Christmas bonus last month that Mummy would have bought and had a little gift for his 3-month old baby already beautifully wrapped and ready to go. These things were priority! They HAD to be done. At the time, we groaned and moaned, for as she got older, we had to do more and more to help her. Yet now I understand – she had made loving and caring for others her purpose.

Where on earth did she find the time? She found it right where it is – in her heart, as a number one priority to be, show and live love.

My body was made to move!

2009-01-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, at the conclusion of an energizing, vigorous yoga class, I had a conversation with a yoga teacher who had practiced beside me during the class. I have attended one of her classes, and found it to be very gentle and slow, the opposite of the class I typically like. I had found myself becoming impatient with the pace, and then I decided to be present and focus on that class only and make no comparisons or judgement with any other. I settled into the moment, and found that it created a balance for me as the beauty of the difference was revealed. It turned out to be just what my body, and perhaps my mind and spirit, needed that day.

As we conversed yesterday, she invited me to her next yoga class, observing that while I clearly like a powerful type of yoga, as we age we need to do slow down and do less of this and more of the gentle type. Indeed she was adamant that I should be doing the gentler yoga at least three times per week, constantly emphasising what happens to the body as we age.

“This is a marathon runner you are speaking to” I said at one point. At which she rolled her eyes heavenward. “All that too” she uttered, continuing to reinforce her point about the body naturally slowing down, getting tighter and weaker and being more limited.

I was mortified! For I so enjoy my yoga classes, and love the progress I am making as I become more open, flexible and stronger. I love the challenge of finally being able to do an asana that months before I could not. I love the challenge of just letting go and trying it – even if I can only hold the pose for a millisecond, there is such a feeling of triumph. I have been known to squeal childlike “I did it” upon finally getting into a pose that has hitherto been a challenge. Every yoga class, every new pose is a reminder that I can do whatever I want to do, if only I release the limitations set by my mind. For the apparent difficulties of a pose are much more about my mind thinking it is difficult rather than a physical limitation.

I also recalled my role models who continue to honour their bodies and defy our perception of aging. My own mother was my yoga heroine - until she was 88 years old she could do a 1 ½ yoga class, sun salutations and all. A framed newspaper article showing a photograph of her sitting in a meditative cross-legged posture in a yoga class holds pride of place in the photo gallery in my home. Just last December, I connected again with two gentlemen in their ‘80s, Burt Carlson and Roy Thomas who complete the Reggae Marathon each year. Last month Burt completed his 301st marathon and Roy took nearly 30 minutes off his time over the previous year! When you speak to these men you feel their vitality and joy at being alive, active and nudging their bodies beyond the societal perception of what a body can and should do.

I will continue my power yoga, with a gentler class now and then as I am so moved. I will continue to run, swim, jump, cycle, climb and dance. God gave me the gift of this magnificent body that is made to move! It is my duty to express the joy of movement with no limitations – save the inner listening that tells me what I need to know and do to honour and care for this temple.

Advice for Oprah

2009-01-07T18:07:00.004-05:00

"It's about using food — abusing food. Too much work. Not enough play. Not enough time to come down. Not enough time to really relax." Oprah Winfrey

When I read this yesterday, I e-mailed my close friends and family half-jokingly stating "Oprah needs to be free and laughing". They all agreed, and of course, this got me musing.

What would it mean for Oprah to be "free and laughing"? Well, I really don’t know, for I am not Oprah. Each of us must define our own free and laughing beingness. What works for me, may or may not work for you, or for Oprah. My first thought was that if I had her money, it would be easy for me to be free and laughing. The things I would do with a net worth of US$2 billion! Too much work? Impossible, if I had that type of money (or even a fraction of it). Not enough time to relax? Madness! I would be relaxing all the time, a different beach every day!

And yet, it is obviously not that easy for Oprah to be free and laughing, to relax, to be present and enjoy life (and food). Oprah, like all of us, faces some challenges.

The same traits of determination, grittiness, commitment, focus that have made Oprah successful, powerful and incredibly wealthy, are now bedevilling her. It is one thing to change the things that we acknowledge are not enhancing our lives, but very hard for her, and us, to change the very things that have made us successful. It is counterintuitive, and we resist mightily. Oprah has also clearly gotten into habits, like all of us. It is her habit to work hard, to see opportunities, to pursue them, to make a difference. This is now her way of being – she knows no other way.

I love Oprah. I love what she is doing with her incredible gifts and talents. I love how she shows us that one person CAN make a difference. Now I want her to be really, really happy, to be free and laughing. She deserves nothing less. So, here’s what I say to Oprah:

1. Take my mom’s advice expressed in her now famous e-mail that inspired my book "Free and Laughing": "I did have a good laugh with and at myself, giving thanks that I can see the funny side of life still and not caring what others think because I know it doesn’t matter at my age and should not have at any age either". Laugh, don’t care, it doesn’t matter Oprah!

2. Find and eat the perfect Bombay mango just as I describe in the book. This is the essence of mindful eating. Indeed, if she eats each meal that way, she will have no weight problem at all!

3. Take some time to really observe whatever is happening around her, not through the eyes of the legions of staff members that she employs, but through her own eyes. And not with the intention of writing her next blog or article in "O" – but simply to observe for the joy of the moment

4. Release everything – ratings, opinions of others, commentary – whatever it is that anyone else has to say or think. It all doesn't matter

5. Accept her beautiful self as she is. She is gorgeous! At whatever size and shape.

6. Laugh – a few minutes per day of laughter yoga, laughing for no reason at all, just for the joy of laughter, will soon have Oprah free!

Do any of these apply to you? Chances are they do. It's not just Oprah, it's all of us. We all have challenges and bad habits. We all do things to excess and get our lives out of balance. What I have said to Oprah I say to you - and, most importantly, to myself.

Boxes

2009-01-06T08:46:00.002-05:00

One of the things we do to bring order into our lives, is to create boxes. These boxes are usually bounded by time and space - there is a time (box) for exercise, a particular place (box), a time to eat (box) and a place (box). We become used to these boxes and develop a familiarity and an attachment to them. After awhile, we find that we cannot function outside of these boxes, for they are so ingrained in our lives. For example, if our exercise box has us at the gym at 5.30 a.m. Monday to Friday, we find that we are unable to run at 2.00 p.m. on Wednesday, or swim at 6.30 p.m. on Thursday or do yoga at 9.00 a.m. on Saturday, even if for some reason, we missed the 5.30 a.m. sessions at the gym during the week. We just can’t do it - it’s outside our exercise box. What started out as a useful technique to bring order has now taken rigid hold of us, keeping us in a place where we are no longer served. In the exercise box example, note that the week will have passed without us exercising at all - simply because we missed our exercise box.

The exercise box example is very personal to me. I have long held that I can only exercise in the morning. My box was that if I didn’t get it done at 5.00 a.m. then it wouldn’t happen again for the day. Yet, for the past 18 months, I have broken out of this box and find it hard to miss my yoga classes - all held in the evenings! (another box?) I am out of that morning exercise box. But I note other exercise boxes - my most recent one is that I need to get up earlier to do a yoga routine before I run in the morning. That would mean that I would have to be up before 4.00 a.m. Of course, this just has not worked, and I have experienced much frustration trying to do both, and not succeeding. But this morning I ran and then did yoga. And it was fine! So, I have decided that I can and will do my yoga routine at any time of the day or night! And, I can even run at any time of day or night.

It is good to check out the boxes in our lives - the eating boxes, the work boxes, the relationship boxes – all areas of our lives are compartmentalised into boxes. They are very useful. We also want to be aware that when we think or act "outside the box" we will have replaced our existing box with a new one. So, outside the box invariably means inside another one.

I don’t think there is anything "wrong" with boxing our lives. Perhaps there will be a day when "outside the box" really means no box. Until then, what we need to do is be aware of our boxes, be willing to let go of them when they no longer serve us and create new, more expanded boxes which gives us space to grow and unfold even more, until we no longer need boxes.

Forward to reality

2009-01-05T09:18:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day back at work for 2009. I mean, really back to work - not the sort of mindless appearance at office on January 2, but really back to work. For many, the day has been greeted with a groan of "back to reality". For we believe that we are going back to the workplace as we left it. All the problems, challenges, traffic to get there, miserable co-workers, demanding customers, incompetent bosses - all will be back the same way they were in December. After all the festivities, celebration and joy of the season, are we really going to go back to the same old situation? Perhaps .... perhaps not.

Many of us have set New Year resolutions over the past few days - intentions to make our lives significantly different, to improve specific aspects of our being. And this year, we resolve, is the year when we WILL stick to our resolutions. We are high on the energy of envisioning different lives for ourselves, new and better, happier, more prosperous. So, in the mix of "back to reality" there is something that has changed - we have!

Today as work is a test. Today is the day when we signal whether we are really serious about keeping our resolutions, about creating a different "me". We are bringing the energy of new intentions, new focus in our lives with us wherever we go – even to the workplace. Groans of back to reality actually negate this energy, already dissipating our resolve only five days into the new year. The "new me" of our resolve will go with us wherever we go, and will have an impact in all spheres of our lives - including work!

For example, our intention about losing weight or getting fit is not just about the end result of looking and feeling better, it is really about bringing new levels of discipline into our lives. If we are serious about our intention, we will find that this new discipline will transcend into our reality at work. So committing to getting fit means that we will commit to specific times for exercise classes or workouts. We must adhere to it. To do so will require us to be disciplined at work as well - to get there on time, to accomplish whatever we need to do efficiently and effectively so that we may leave in good time for our workout. After awhile, we will find that this new level of discipline has become a habit - in our exercise program, at work, at home - wherever we are, it is us.

There is no "back to reality" at work today. There is only "forward to the reality" that you have decided to create. Everything and everyone around you at work will be different today. Why? Because you are different. You have defined a different way of being for yourself. You are looking at the world, including your workplace, with new and different eyes. And when you make a shift, the whole world shifts. You are a new you! Why? Because you declare it so - and act in accordance with it wherever you are.

What a difference a day makes!

2008-12-31T08:04:00.006-05:00

Today is the last day of 2008. Tomorrow is the first day of a new year. For many of us, it will be the first day of a new life, with new resolve to transform ourselves into the ideal beings we want to be - slimmer, fitter, richer, more loving, happier, anything-er! Er ..... what’s the difference between today and tomorrow? Why wasn’t there that difference between yesterday and today?

In fact, there really is no difference. It’s just another 24 hours, or looked at another way, a mere second between 11:59:59 p.m. on December 31 2008 and 12:00:00 a.m. on January 1, 2009. Yet, tomorrow will dawn with the energy of multitudes of humanity resolving to live their best lives, to put the past behind them, to be something more, much more than what they were yesterday. I love that energy - it’s the buzz of possibilities. It’s rich, it’s empowering, it’s heady.

The challenge we face is to keep that energy. We can, if we only remember to stay in the energy of the moment. Every moment presents the opportunity to create ourselves completely anew as we desire. Each moment is brimming, overflowing with infinite possibilities - not just the moments of January 1, 2009, but every single moment up to 11:59:59 on December 31, 2009 - and beyond.

In creating ourselves anew, we also create a new world. We must not doubt that the choices that take our personal lives to entirely new levels also create shifts in others. Some shifts we will know about, some we will not. It matters not. All we need to know is that we step up to new levels of our own being, and so our consciousness will radiate outward and touch multitudes. Each and every one of us makes a difference in every moment by the choices we make. A new world starts with a new me.

I wish for you all the happiness and good you desire – and more – in 2009! It will be an amazing year! It already IS an amazing year. Why? Because you, and I, declare it so!

Normally

2008-12-24T09:23:00.002-05:00

It is Christmas Eve. Normally, I would be preparing, as I have for the past 9 years, for my mother to come and spend Christmas in our home.

Normally, Victoria would be clearing up her room today, preparing to give up her cozy bed to her Grandma.

Normally, I would be arranging the menu with Mummy, and making arrangements for her to come up to my home in the evening, armed with suitcases, boxes and bags - as if she were moving in "for a long winter’s nap", but only because wherever she went, she wanted to have her special comforts.

Normally, when Mummy arrived, we would peek into those boxes and bags to see the goodies – jumbo cashews, Poppycock, chocolates, Pepperidge Farm cookies, her special, love-infused Christmas cake.

Normally, we would all be attending the Candlelight Service at our church this evening, returning home after midnight finally feeling the Christmas spirit, having enjoyed carolling, communion with friends and family, and luscious Jamaican hot chocolate and hard dough bread smothered in butter.

Normally, when all others were asleep, I would prepare the stockings for everyone, happily playing Santa with the little knicks knacks I had gathered over the past few months. I loved laying Mummy’s stocking on her bed, gently gently so as not to awaken her, faint memories of Christmases decades ago, when I would sense through my dreamy slumber, the laying of a stocking at my feet.

Normally, Victoria and Shane would awaken early, Shane first, despite having only a few hours sleep, to empty their stockings and then to race into Grandma’s room to show her what Santa had brought and urge her to empty her own stocking. – but not before a rich, steaming cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, a treat that she allowed herself only at my house, was brewed and placed beside her bed.

Normally, Grandma would oooh and aaah over everything in the stocking: “how did Santa know I needed this?” or “Thank you Santa”. And we would all happily play along, still believing that yes, Santa is real!

Normally, we would have our special breakfast of Christmas Egg, a Spanish-style omelette that I concocted the first year that Grandma spent Christmas with us, and that Victoria and Shane have demanded every Christmas since.

Normally, we would gather, dogs and all, Christmas carols playing softly in the background, to open our gifts, the living room a riot of paper, ribbon and bows, Victoria and Shane delirious over their gifts, Mummy eternally grateful for the thoughtfulness of friends and family.

Normally, Mummy and I would clear up the living room and then the kitchen, the comfortable banter of mother and daughter accompanying the swish swish of the dishwashing, sharing our intentions for the upcoming year, our plans for the rest of the day, and whatever else unfolded in the normalcy of the routine.

Normally ……

This Christmas is a “new normal”. This year, members of my family continue our journey on this earthly plane with Mummy here in spirit only. Yet we know that all we are is spirit, so we are very aware that she is with us, just in a different form.

There is the tendency for us to live out the normal traditions. We have decided to create some new ones, and we will see how these emerge. I have given myself permission to dwell a bit in the old normal, but just a bit, for this Christmas my normal is to be present to whatever comes up, to the joy of my family being together, to the generational love expressed, to thoughts of gratitude and love for all those who make up my family.

Many people have said to me “Christmas will be hard for you this year, the first one without your mother”. I smile, for a know that Christmas will be normal – not necessarily in terms of the things I do, but in terms of the love, joy and gratitude that is normal, constant, never changing.

I am wishing you all a happy, normal Christmas, where we all remember the true meaning of who we are - the spirit of love, expressing in unique and wonderful ways, as it did in Jesus the Christ, and as it does in every one of us.

Shane's silver chain

2008-12-22T07:25:00.004-05:00

My younger son Shane came home on Saturday night from spending two days with his friends which included an active, fun-filled day at the Yacht Club. He repaired into the bathroom to prepare for his shower, but quickly reappeared at my bedside where I lay reading, exclaiming: "Mummy. I lost my chain in the pool!" This is the silver chain that had belonged to his beloved Grandma Daisy, and that he now wears all the time.

After a few questions to ascertain when last he remembered having the chain, and him being sure that it was in the pool, I said to him: “Don’t worry. Nothing is ever lost. We will call Auntie Wendy in the morning and ask her to check in with the Yacht Club”. I calmly went back to my book, and he to his before-bed ritual.

The next morning, he was invited by another friend to spend the day boating. In true orderly-Universe style, the boat was docked at the very same Yacht Club. We agreed that Shane would go back to the pool to find the chain.

Driving home last night after picking him up from his friend’s home, I was presented with the news that he had found the chain. “Mummy! I found the chain! It was right there on the steps of the pool”.

Yes Shane. It was right there – in its right place. What a reminder, if we need reminding, of the order, the goodness of the Universe! A tiny strand of silver. A 13-year old boy. The connection between a beloved grandmother no longer with us in the flesh, and her adoring grandson. The goodness of the Universe. Nothing is ever lost – temporarily separated, the Universe, as is its wont, conspired to put chain and boy together again.

But Shane and I also had a role to play in declaring and accepting the fact that the chain was not lost. There was no emotion, no panic, no upset, no fear. Shane was certain that the chain was in the pool. He knew where it was. We both knew that he would get it back. We didn’t know how nor when, for we had no idea on Saturday night that Shane would be going to the Yacht Club the very next day. We just knew that the chain was not lost.

In my family we use the declaration "Nothing is ever lost" all the time. And it never fails. It’s not the words that never fail though, it’s the conviction, the trust that it is so. Sometimes we don’t find the thing - and that’s OK, for we know and trust that the thing is in its divine right and perfect place - waiting to reveal itself to us at some other time, or in some other space, or perhaps even to a new owner! "Nothing is ever lost" and the belief in it is a recipe for living a joyous, worry-free life! Both Shane and I slept well on Saturday night, secure in the knowledge that his Grandma’s silver chain was in its right and perfect place, waiting to be reunited with him.

As we revelled in the joy of the reunion of boy and chain, I recognised a learning moment, a moment for Shane to understand that he needs to be careful with his belongings and to not swim with the chain again. So I enquired of him what he had learned from this episode. From beneath his long, softly curving eyelashes, he peered at me quizzically with trusting eyes and said questioningly "That nothing is ever lost?" That was not the response I expected, but it sure was the right answer!

The space

2008-12-21T14:40:00.004-05:00

Over the past few weeks Donovan, my yoga teacher, has been having us focus on our breath in a four-stage breathing exercise:

Inhale
Hold
Exhale
Suspend

The first three steps are fine - it's the fourth step that I have found difficult. I find that whenever I reach this step I experience a moment of confusion, even panic - what do I do now? When I am inhaling, exhaling or holding, I am doing something. In suspending, I am neither inhaling, exhaling nor holding - I am simply being.

Sometimes Donovan instructs us to exhale completely, totalling emtying the breath. When I do this, just before the moment of catching my breath for the next inhalation, I feel a tiny moment, a peephole into the infinitesimal space of nothingness. It is a beautiful nano moment of bliss. However, the moment I start to think and focus on the next inhalation, the space closes.

I had another experience of this space of nothingness. I recently released the audio CD of my book "Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments". I excitedly inserted the CD in the player in my car and happily tuned in to my own voice reading my own very familiar words. Then I noticed that after Track 25, Track 26 did not immediately kick in. I panicked - what is this? I tried another CD, I tried another CD player, I asked others to listen to their CDs, all to no avail. The space was still there. Then I discovered that Track 26 does kick in, but a lot later than planned or expected. For almost two minutes, there is …….. nothing.

My initial response was that something was wrong, and there is something for me to fix. But then, in a tiny moment of the space where nothingness exists, and where everything just is, I perceived a message for me, for Track 25 consists of one word "PRACTICE".

The message to me is to practice being in the space. This practice is not the hard work that we usually associate with doing - it is the practice of suspension, of letting go, of no judgement, of relaxation, of release - of being present. It is the practice of the space.

When you listen to my CD and Track 26 "fails" to trip in, look at it another way - this is your moment to be in the present and practice.

And when you are in a situation and "nothing" is happening, look at it another way as well - time to simply be present and observe.

Indeed, the practice is to create more and more spaces of nothingness, moments of just being, rather than inhaling, exhaling or holding.

"My patients have to wait for me"

2008-12-14T20:55:00.003-05:00

"My patients have to wait for me" giggled the doctor, smug in her role as a "professional". The discussion was about the difference between a "business" and a "practice". The doctor was adamant that her practice is not a business and is therefore not subject to businesslike operating principles like customer service and honouring people’s time. I was adamant that a doctor should, just like anyone else who is providing a service, organize him/herself in such a way as to deliver that service in the most efficient and effective way possible and with utmost regard and respect for the comfort and need of the "patient". She was adamant that patients are called patients for a reason, and must therefore "understand" and wait. I quickly ended the conversation with a declaration that the medical profession should change what I believe is an outmoded and arrogant way of thinking and behaving, and that I for one, would not be going to a doctor who keeps me waiting (real emergencies understood of course). To which the doctor and others in the conversation responded "That’s because you are not sick enough".

I have been musing on this conversation. Are we really helpless and simply have to take whatever is dished out? I don’t think so at all. I for one have resolved to continue to do everything possible to stay out of the clutches of doctors with such an attitude. I will continue to exercise, eat healthily, manage my stress levels, do my annual medical checkups and whatever else is necessary to maintain an optimum state of wellbeing. I will also continue to choose my doctors carefully, with their commitment to keeping appointments with me as one of the criteria.

But then, suppose I do get very ill, or am in an accident i.e. suppose I am in a state where I am "sick enough". What then? Am I at the total mercy of people with any and every kind of attitude? Not at all. For I do have control over what type of people I attract into my life and my experiences. When I declare and trust that the Universe will provide the right people with the right attitude to fulfil my needs at all times then that is exactly what will occur.

But it goes further than that – as the Law of Attraction states: like attracts like. For me to have experiences with people who have the right, loving, caring and respectful attitude, in addition to the best possible professional competence, I must also be that! That’s my work now - not to worry and complain about my friend the doctor, but to take care of myself, my attitude and behaviour, and to make sure that I am what I desire to attract!

Camille

2008-12-13T09:40:00.003-05:00

Camille joined Growth Facilitators as the personal assistant to the partners some three years ago. I participated in her interview, went overseas on a business trip, and when I returned, she was already installed in the job. She has supported me professionally and personally (what's the difference?) and has become my friend. She took a sojourn from Growth Facilitators for a year, but returned earlier this year to the joy of all, and to my own delight. She is now lovingly known as the prodigal daughter.

I have also participated in Camille's spiritual journey. We have done workshops together, she has helped me with my book and audio book and she is a great fan of my blog. So imagine my delight this morning to be invited by Camille to read her blog post. I searched for it on the Growth Facilitators blog, but couldn't find it, then realised that she had started her own blog - www.camillespaulding.blogspot.com

I am so delighted that she has made this step. I read her blogs and see how far she has journeyed. THIS is what life is about - to help, love and support another to grow, learn, expand! If you do this for just one person, then your time on this planet will have been worth it. And of course, the amazing and wondrous thing about helping another is that you yourself grow, learn and expand! For it is a journey of togetherness, of oneness. We are one, therefore what we do for another to help, love and support we do for ourselves.

2008-12-01T10:21:00.002-05:00

Today is World AIDS Day. Let us celebrate love today - let us love those Living With AIDS, love those who love and care for those Living With AIDS, love those who have left us, those who inspire us. Let us love ourselves and take the necessary steps to make ourselves and the world AIDS-free

Taking a stand for an AIDS-free world!

2008-11-30T10:51:00.006-05:00

Each year for the past 6 years, the Jamaica AIDS Support for Life (JASL) has produced a calendar featuring prominent people in the Jamaican society. I felt honoured to be asked to be on the 2009 calendar along with my daughter Victoria and niece Yeshema. The message for 2009 is that women are the most vulnerable and affected group, a fact which is often not known nor appreciated. So the calendar features mothers, grandmothers and daughters of all ages.

Why did I agree to do this calendar? What is my message? I had no hesitation at all in saying "yes". I want to add my voice to those of millions who are saying "There is no stigma nor discrimination against those who are living with HIV-AIDS". It is my view that all of us must see past their affliction, as we do with other afflictions, and know that each person Living With AIDS (LWA) is truly a magnificent expression of God's love. For some reason, they are here on this planet now to give something to the world, as we all are. When we open up to this we will hear stories that inspire and uplift us. I was honoured last Sunday to be on a panel with Rosie Stone, a woman living with HIV-AIDS and the author of "No Stone Unturned". Just being in Rosie’s presence, reading her book, hearing her speak is to feel her love and forgiveness. Rosie has chosen the love-filled response to being HIV positive, and it shows. You can literally feel her love; she is glowingly beautiful, her face shimmering with light and joy. You just feel GOOD being in her presence, as her light radiates from her to all who enter her sphere.

The second reason I chose to appear on the calendar is to send the message that we are all affected – even if we don’t have the disease. So many of my dear friends have passed from HIV-AIDS. I miss them and treasure their memory and the moments we spent together. On an even larger scale, we are all part of an interlinked and intertwined Universe. When one person is hurt or ill, we all are. This is why when we see photographs and hear the stories of the people who are coping with HIV-AIDS we feel so deeply. It is as if it is us. And it is.

Finally, by appearing on this calendar, I am saying that it is never too early for our children to know about HIV-AIDS. We must speak to them openly and honestly, and listen to them openly and honestly. Most important, as adults, we ourselves must set the example and practice safe sex - committed relationships that include testing together and the use of condoms – every time. We must also open the communication lines so that when our daughters and sons feel ready to engage in intimate relationships they will feel comfortable talking to us, and we will feel comfortable listening and talking to them.

It’s a brave new world – one where we must open to a different way of being, one where we know that HIV-AIDS can be a thing of the past – if we decide. And in the meantime, one where we love, nurture and care for our sisters and brothers LWA.

Tomorrow December 1, remember to wear your red ribbon to signal your love for persons living with HIV-AIDS and your commitment to making HIV-AIDS history. And most importantly, remember that the journey to eradicating HIV-AIDS begins with the personal habits of each and every one of us.

Also, purchase a calendar or a poster, post it prominently in your home and office as an everyday reminder of the connection that we humans have with each other.

A conscience vote

2008-11-27T06:47:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday, the Members of Parliament of Jamaica casted conscience votes on the issue of the retention of the death penalty in Jamaica.

In the weeks leading up to the vote, the politicians struggled to define what a conscience vote is. Many quoted the Bible, both for and against the issue. A number of them stated that their conscience would be guided by the wishes of their constituents; some said that they had consulted those they represent, and that their vote would reflect the “will of the people”.

The discussions suggest that a conscience vote is misunderstood, as perhaps is the even the concept of a conscience. Our conscience is the deep inner knowing of what is right or wrong. It is the ultimate connection with the source, the very being of who we are. There is no rationality, nor reasoning – just a knowing. Indeed the word “conscience” comes from the Latin root “scire” meaning knowledge and the prefix “con” meaning with. Our conscience therefore is what we know and what we know with, it is intrinsic and a part of our very nature. To say therefore that one’s conscience needs to be advised by others, is contrary to the very nature of conscience. Acting with a conscience requires an awareness or consciousness of self. It requires that we look deep within, not without, for the right answer.

To make a conscience vote, one must be present and aware. The ego must be moved away (perhaps a very, very difficult task for a politician). It is the ego that is listening to and giving credence to the external opinions bombarding the person. The noise of the ego will drown the voice of the conscience.

How will we know if the answer is the right one? We will just KNOW. There will be a sense of ease and peace. For if one really goes within, there can be no other answer but one that is based on love and forgiveness. This is what creates the peace.

Perhaps rather than a debate the Members of Parliament would have been advised to have gone into deep, silent meditation. Then they would have been able to truly vote with their conscience.

My perfectly planned day

2008-11-23T10:01:00.002-05:00

I had my day perfectly planned. I was in Barbados for the Caribbean Association of Indigenous Banks (CAIB) 35th Annual Conference. On Wednesday, I was scheduled to deliver the keynote on "Leadership in Times of Crisis" at 2.30 p.m. I planned my day well, so that I would be ready to deliver a mind blowing presentation that afternoon.

In line with my plan, I awoke at 6.00 a.m., enjoyed a leisurely cup of coffee followed by an invigorating workout of spinning and light weights in the gym. Returning to my room at 7.15 a.m., I intended that after a long cool shower, I would have a solid, healthy breakfast and then return to my room to rehearse my speech until I was confident I could deliver it flawlessly. I was just about to go into the shower when the phone rang. It was Patricia, the CEO of the CAIB:

"Marguerite – where are you"?

"In my room" I responded, somewhat befuddled, wondering where else I should possibly be at 7.20 a.m.

"I need you to do your keynote at 8.15 a.m. The speaker for that slot has been delayed and I need to revise the agenda. Can you be ready for the bus at 7.45"?

"But but but ….. I am not ready; I haven’t rehearsed my speech; I haven’t even showered yet" … a litany of excuses to make this intrusion into my carefully planned day go away.

And then I realised that I was in the exact position that I was due to speak about later (now sooner, much sooner). I was in a crisis! Here is what I had written in my speech:

"Our normal response in a crisis is to PANIC! We become paralyzed, not so much by what is happening but by our FEAR of what has happened in the past and what could happen in the future. FEAR feeds upon itself (contagion effect), and soon everyone else is in a panic. One cannot see clearly in this state, for a state of FEAR clouds our vision and therefore our ability to make decisions. But, this is the very time that we MUST make decisions!"

I was exhibiting the exact same response that, with great authority and wisdom, I would be admonishing my audience not to do! I was panicking. I was paralyzed. I was living from a place of fear. Observing myself, I paused, took a breath and told Pat that I would be on time for the 7.45 a.m. bus. And I was.

Now, with the luxury of time for reflection, here's what I learned:
1. You are never 100% prepared for anything
2. Yet, you are usually more prepared than you think
3. Taking a breath is one of the most powerful things you can do, for it allows the space for clarity and wisdom
4. Trusting yourself is the greatest trust of all – for it is we who undermine ourselves, not others

I delivered the speech. Throughout the day, participants came up to me profuse with their gratitude and congratulations. And Pat reminded me later that all week I had been complaining about being scheduled to deliver the speech after lunch, and there it was – I delivered the speech first thing in the morning. My final lesson? Be careful what you wish for – for you will certainly get it! It was indeed a perfectly planned day.

Laughter

2008-11-13T06:00:00.002-05:00

A few days after I launched my book "Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments" in December last year, a friend called me and said "Marguerite, you have got to meet my cousin Winnie. She is into laughter". I immediately invited them both to have breakfast with me a week later, noting to myself that the Law of Attraction was truly in action - I had just put myself out there as being "Free and Laughing" - and what do I attract? A laughter specialist of course!

Life has been a joyous, laughter-infused ride since that balmy December morning on my back patio. Led by Winnie, I have been introduced to Laughter Yoga (www.laughteryoga.org) and become a certified Laughter Yoga Leader along with eight other laughers (including my sister). Winnie and I have laughed on radio programmes, we have celebrated World Laughter Day and we have led Laughter Yoga sessions. Yesterday, we laughed for the filming of a television show on laughter. One look at each other and we … LAUGH!

There are numerous reasons to laugh - but we choose to laugh for no reason except for the joy of it. Winnie always says "You don’t laugh because you are happy; you are happy because you laugh". Indeed, a 15-minute laughter session proves this. No matter your mood at the beginning, you are BOUND to feel a lot better by the end (actually, within just a few minutes). The producer of yesterday’s filming shared with me that the film crew on their way to film us, they had planned that whatever they did, they would not laugh. It was quite a sight to see them all cracking up, while trying to hold cameras and microphones steady! They just couldn’t help themselves, for laughter is so contagious! And they were still laughing on their way back to the studio and singing our little laughter ditty!

What a joy it is to be a part of this virus called laughter! It is a simple, easy thing that we all can do to change the entire world and our own world, one laugh at a time.

The First Family - family first

2008-11-06T01:24:00.006-05:00

When the new "first family" came onstage at Grant Park in Chicago on Tuesday November 4, it hit me that not only are we having the first African-American man as President, we are having a whole black family in the White House! For the first time, the residents of the White House will be:

A black man, raised by a single mother, who met his father only twice - so typical of many black families in the United States of America (and in Jamaica). However, Barack Obama has clearly made a choice to not repeat the mistakes his father made. He has chosen to be a very present, involved and loving father. And it shows. Just look at the adoration of Sasha for her dad, the open, uninhibited "I love you Daddy" on the stage of the Democratic National Convention, the hugs and kisses between them. It is beautiful to watch and an inspiration!

A black woman, highly educated, competent and professional, who is leading her family, supporting her husband and showing the world the elegance, beauty and dignity of the true queens of our race! She is an example to us of "having it all"!

A marital relationship in which husband and wife delight in each other, even after 16 years. The smiles, the fist thumps, the foreheads gently knocked together, the long tight hugs, the bodies leaning into each other as they dance, tell a story of a real marriage, a true partnership built on a solid foundation of respect and love. "My best friend, the rock of our family, the love of my life" is how the President-elect described his First Lady on Tuesday night. To see how he looks as her - he means it. And her reciprocating gaze, eyes half-closed and twinkling, say the same.

Two children who are as yet unspoiled by the trappings of society, despite spending so much of their lives in the public spotlight. They skip, they run, they smile, they laugh, they wave shyly, they bubble over with joy! Despite everything, they are children enjoying their childhood

A new puppy - the reward to Malia and Sasha for enduring their father’s journey! I hope it’s a puppy from a shelter - to send a powerful message of support for "unwanted" animals, of which there are millions! Whatever they choose, and they deserve whichever puppy they desire, I know from my own experience that it will be loved, doted on and spoiled - and will give countless moments of unconditional, joyful love!

Take out the adjectives "black" and "African-American" and what we have is simply a delightful, functional "first family" that obviously puts family first - a joy to behold!

A Gift to the World

2008-11-05T14:18:00.003-05:00

Thank you America for your gift to the world!

Thanks to the American voters for demonstrating that democracy is alive and well – and is still the best system to date that the human race has developed for representation of the people

Thanks to all who over the past century worked, fought and sacrificed for the right of all to vote

Thanks to Barack Obama for the message – “Yes We Can” for it reminds us that all things are possible if only we believe! You understand that what this world needs now is love, hope and belief in ourselves - and you delivered!

Thanks to those Americans who voted for Barack Obama – you demonstrated courage and commitment to making a change in your country and the world

Thanks to the over 1 million Obama volunteers who tirelessly informed, cajoled, persuaded, supported and registered numerous voters – and then got them out to vote!

Thanks to Barack Obama’s team for giving us a peek at what the brave new world in cyberspace is all about – how powerful it is, how it operates, who lives in this world and how to use it to bring people together and get a message across

Thanks to Michelle Obama – you have demonstrated to millions of women “Yes, you can have it all!”

Thanks to the Obama family – for presenting a different view of the black family than what is typically presented in the media

Thanks to Madelyn Dunham who loved her grandson unconditionally, and thus laid a solid foundation for the man he has become

Thanks to Senator McCain for your concession speech – it is an example of grace in defeat and reminds us that there is no indignity in losing – only in how you run the race

Yesterday, you, the American people, gave the world the gift of HOPE! The world is indeed grateful.

A difficult post

2008-11-01T11:21:00.003-05:00

It is very difficult for me to write this post. I am torn between bringing a new perspective to a particular issue, and running the risk of adding to the issue. The issue is some people’s fear that Barack Obama will be killed if he is elected President of the United States of America.

I have heard so many repeat this view – teenagers on a radio show in Jamaica, interviews with African Americans on CNN, friends and acquaintances and even my own dear, loving mother. They want him to win, but this declaration is quickly followed by the big "BUT…. ".

My view on this which I have expressed in many a conversation is that such a thought is not worth thinking, much less repeating. You see, all our thoughts are energy, and every thought has within it tremendous force. It is my belief that the more people think a thing, even if they are not wishing it to happen, the greater the energy field created and therefore the more force there is to actually bring it into being. When we verbalise the thought we are adding even more energy to it, thus increasing the force. It’s as if the energy is now coalescing around a point of focus that becomes more and more powerful the more thoughts are added to it.

What is backing such a thought, and why would people think such a thing? For surely such an event is not worthy of our consideration? This is something that we do not want, so why think it and why add power to it by saying it? We really must guard our thoughts vigilantly - not just about ourselves but also about others. We may find it difficult to not think a thought, but what we can do is not verbalise it, thus reducing the force.

Here is my reason for being reticent in writing about this issue: in speaking about it, could I possibly be adding energy and force to the thought? At last, I have come to terms with this, and believe that my helping others to understand the futility, nay danger of thinking and speaking such a thing, will actually dissipate the force.

I suspect that Sen. Obama has no such fear. He just knows that he has a job to do and is 100% focused on that. I have chosen to join him in where I focus my energy. I do so unequivocallly with the total unwavering love of my being. I invite you to do the same - no fear, no but, no what-if.

Never explain yourself to anyone

2008-10-31T14:05:00.002-05:00

"Never explain yourself to anyone. The person who likes you doesn't need it; and the person who dislikes you won't believe it"

These words of wisdom came from a Facebook friend. How wise I thought, particularly as I had spent over an hour earlier that day with another friend who was sounding off uncontrollably about her relationship woes and her "this-is-the-type-of-person-I-am" beingness. She was literally stuck in a story that happened over a year ago, which she wouldn't let go and from which she couldn’t disentangle herself. She had embroidered and weaved a tall tale of woe that she clearly relished in the telling and retelling. I hope I helped her, by listening (although I did have to put my foot down and tell her that I would not listen to any more of the story) and by some advice on how she could possibly deal with HERSELF, not the other people (which she wanted to do in some very violent and gory ways).

The truth really is that there is no need to explain ourselves to anyone. When we are trying to do this, we are usually just trying to make sense to ourselves. For the real challenge in life is figuring out who we are and what we mean. When we are sure of ourselves then there is no need to try to explain - we just are. And we are confident enough to add, usually silently, "take me or leave me".

The person who likes us accepts us exactly as we are, for they see through us and connect at the deeper level of our God-essence. What we say or do requires no explanation - they love us as we are, foibles, follies and all. True, as I remind my children from time to time, they may not love what we do, but they love us for who we truly are.

And for those who dislike us - who cares? Actually, we do - a lot. And I wonder why we care so much about the opinion of people who don’t like us, and whom we probably don’t like either? This is where we spend so much of our time - trying to make sense of ourselves to those who really don’t matter. Well, you may say, my boss doesn’t like me and he or she matters - a lot, particularly in these times, etc., so surely I need to explain myself to him/her. You perhaps need to be clear on your particular actions, but you need waste no time in explaining yourself. If someone does not like you then they are listening to you with a disliking ear. Everything they hear about you or from you will be distilled through the filter of dislike. Wasted effort.

It is so liberating to let go of the need to be liked by others. Then we can give up trying to explain ourselves, and instead focus on being the best we want to be - our own true selves, defined as we want for our greater purpose in life.

The Playshop!

2008-10-26T09:04:00.002-05:00

Many readers of my book and blog have said to me:

"Marguerite, I love the book. I agree with everything (or most things), but my problem is how to practice being free and laughing"

In recent weeks, there has also been a heaviness that has settled upon many people as they ponder a world of uncertaintly - the personal implications of the financial meltdown, the spiralling and increasingly heinous crime in Jamaica, the uneasiness of the US Presidential election - and now, even a prediction that the world will end in 2012! This is a tough time to be "free and laughing"!

And yet, it's precisely moments like these when we need to make a conscious effort and commitment to creating our lives in the way we want - not how the global financial system, nor the American voting populace, nor the criminally-minded in our society dictate. To do this, there is a simple, yet very challenging, even elusive step to make: BE PRESENT!

You see, we are only in a position to get clarity around a particular challenge when we are PRESENT! Living in the past means that our solutions can only come from our past and are clouded by our experiences, baggage, societal conditioning and programming. Living in the future is living in the land of "what if" - a land of stories, fairy tales and yes, nightmares - no link to reality at all, just figments of our imagination. Living in the present means we can see things as they ARE - which becomes a place of insight and inspiration.

Recognizing this, and my own commitment to making the world "Free and Laughing", I have finally decided to make another step in the "Free and Laughing" odyssey - the FREE AND LAUGHING PLAYSHOP.

In the Free and Laughing Playshop we will explore what it means to be present, how to become present to the moment, and actually practice some present moments! Indeed, it is my intention that we be in the present moment for the entire 4 hours!

The Playshop will be on Saturday November 1, 9.0 a.m. to 1.00 p.m. at the Temple of Light, 2 Fairway Avenue, Kingston 10, Jamaica.

To register, go to:
http://www.freeandlaughing.com/playshop?fa=register

Or e-mail me at: mo@cwjamaica.com

Honouring those who give

2008-10-20T10:28:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I watched the television broadcast of the conferral of National Awards to outstanding Jamaicans. I must admit that it brought tears to my eyes, as I looked at these people who gave because it was the right thing to do. It is such a beautiful sentiment, to honour those who have given years of service to a spectrum of Jamaican life. Most of them are not well known outside of their communities, but their impact is national and indeed global, as they touch and change lives for generations past and to come.

I love in particular the awards to the elderly – to see grey-haired, wrinkled, stooped men and women, some in wheelchairs or with walkers, so proudly accept their awards for decades of service! They still have a pep in their step, a vibrancy and energy that comes from a life of giving. The years melt away and you look at them and wonder if they have been giving since birth, for their energy defies their years.

I am also always touched by those who are awarded for gallantry. These are people who, in a moment, had to make a decision to put their own lives at risk to save others. Many of us are faced with such a situation, but these few actually made the decision to act. There were no post-humous awards this year, as thankfully, those who received awards did not have to make the ultimate sacrifice.

And then there are the presentations to members of the security forces - the Constabulary, Army, Fire Brigade and Correctional Services. These awardees, elegantly clad in their ceremonial dress uniforms, march with vigour and vitality, their backs ramrod straight, salutes crisp and faces resolute with pride.

The ceremony reminds us that giving is indeed blessed. It reminds us that volunteerism and contribution are alive and well, despite what we are led to believe by the cynics among us. And it reminds us that people, at their most fundamental and elemental, are good.

Doing Nothing

2008-10-20T09:03:00.001-05:00

Today is a public holiday in Jamaica. My children were invited to spend the long weekend with friends in the country. Bliss of all bliss – I have been home alone for two whole days! Last Thursday as I looked forward to the weekend, I shared with my sister that I had a long list of things to do and was thinking of having a wine and dessert party on Saturday night. She looked at me incredulously, and in her wise-woman way said “Are you crazy? What are you chocking up the weekend for? I don’t plan to do one thing – except sleep” (her children would also be away with friends for the weekend).

And so, I did nothing. Or at least that is what I wrote on my Facebook page. However, I actually did a lot – after bidding my children farewell and be-on-best-behaviour on Saturday morning, I spent a free-flowing morning with a friend, which started on my patio sharing coffee, detoured to us going plant-shopping and ended in the early afternoon with us together enjoying a delicious lunch of fish soup and festival! I visited my nutritionist; I read two books; I went to a yoga class; my sister and I cleared out my mother’s closets. Nothing? Sounds like a lot to me!

And I muse, that perhaps what we really mean when we say we are doing nothing, is that we are doing nothing for other people. Everything that I have done this weekend I did for myself and no-one else. Yesterday for example, I got dressed for church and was headed out the door. I couldn’t find one of the dogs, and in the frustration of realising that I would be late for church, I began to wonder why I was going. And I realised that I felt I should go to church rather than that I wanted to go. I undressed and went back to bed! What a liberation!

We all should do nothing from time to time. It presents us with the opportunity of looking at what we really want rather than what is expected of us, or what we think is expected of us. It is liberating to step up to our own needs, wants and desires and to acknowledge them as being just as, or even more important than the needs of our loved ones and others. It is a critical part of taking care of ourselves so that we can care for those we love. The tough part is wading through the morass of societal expectations, family traditions and inculcation to determine what we truly want for ourselves. Time alone, “doing nothing” allows us that breathing space. In the exhale is all that is expected of us; in the inhale are our own true desires.

As of today I will respond to those who ask what I did on the weekend: “I did a lot, but only the things that I wanted to do for me and no-one else – and it was absolutely wonderful”

My how we've grown

2008-10-16T08:27:00.002-05:00

In a do-or-die World Cup soccer clincher, Jamaica played Honduras last night at the National Stadium in Kingston. Buoyed by our somewhat unexpected win over Mexico last Saturday, it seemed like every Jamaican (yes, all 2.6 million of us) was headed to this match. Kick-off time was scheduled for 7.00 p.m. so my sister Carole and I departed her house at 5.20 p.m. sure that we would arrive in good time, even with having to pick up her son at his school. This would normally be a 30 minute journey - last night it took 2 hours!

The traffic was horrendous! We have a saying in Jamaica that "Everywhere you tun, macca juk you" which means that you are stuck whichever way you go. So it was with the traffic. Every thoroughfare was blocked; every side road led to more gridlocked traffic; vehicles were bumper to bumper, literal inches, or centimetres separating each vehicle to make sure that no-one could possibly bore before your car. Then the madness started - one lane became two as impatient drivers tore down the opposite side of the road to try to get ahead; they mounted sidewalks, cut in on the left, on the right - wherever they could find even an inkling of a space. Carole and I sat and marvelled at how brazen these drivers were - no crawling and tentative movement here - bold, aggressive tearing down the wrong side of the road, accelerator to the floorboard in 1 second or less. This was no place for the timid! At one point, one car chockfull of rowdy supporters tried to overtake me on the left, the inhabitants signalling that I should get out of the way by banging with their fists on my car. I stopped and allowed them to pass.

At 7.30 p.m., some 25 minutes into the match, Carole and I arrived. In the two hour journey we had chatted, laughed, listened to the radio, marvelled at the traffic and the behaviour of the drivers, made telephone calls - and we marvelled as we walked fairly leisurely from the parking lot to the Stadium “My how we have grown”. For, we noted, in previous years we would not have taken this situation calmly. We would have arrived rushed, flustered and in a very bad mood, upset at being late. Our attitude last night was - we are here in the right and perfect time. No worry. So it is. In other words, we were present to the experience and went with the flow. Indeed, after many futile attempts to beat the traffic by diverting to the side roads, we decided that we would just take the shortest possible route, and stick to it. Guess what? The traffic then flowed. Lesson? Be present, be focused and things will flow!

We had a lovely evening. Jamaica won the match. We missed seeing the goal which was scored just as we were parking. And that was quite fine. We celebrated anyway. As we walked in, a number of people along the way were nice enough to tell us the score, so we celebrated with them as well. What did we miss? Nothing. Everything was as it should be. Including Carole and I reflecting on how wonderful this journey of life is - once you are present to it.

Releasing the puppies

2008-10-12T08:07:00.005-05:00

For the past 7 weeks, my family has been absorbed by the sweetest litter of puppies produced by my sister's dog, Britney. Born on August 18, they have been the subject of many a telephone call, Facebook entry, photo op, video shoot and visit simply to romp with them. Clefty, the little one that passed on (see my blog of September 8) is missed, even as his brother and sisters have grown by leaps and bounds to become the frolicking puffs of fluff that are now ready to go to their new homes.

Ahh - what a sweet sadness! To release puppies to their now owners is the hardest part of welcoming new pups into your life. They have become an integral part of our daily lives - from my first call in the morning to enquire of their welfare and latest antics to the admonition to my children to finish their homework early so we can go to visit the pups. They now know my voice - emerging from beneath my nephew’s bed one by one, like dancers entering the stage from the wings of a theatre the minute I enter the home with my usual fanfare. From today, that will be no more. The first puppy went to its new home yesterday, four more will go today.

What a sadness! And yet, what a joy! To see the difference that our previous litters of puppies have made brings the greatest of wonder. Lives have literally been transformed, as so many people have come to know the unconditional love of a dog. Our puppies are very special, as they grow in an environment of total love. It is a such a celebration when they are with us. It is no wonder that they bring so much love to others. This litter will be no different. It has started already - the new owner of the puppy that left yesterday, took one look at her and told us "That one - I have her on my vision board". There is such an excitement in the air as the new owners spent yesterday preparing for the puppies they will collect today. And I know that this is only the beginning of the love affair.

This puppy experience is the ultimate free and laughing moment – being present to their sweetness, from the intoxicating smell of their breath to the soft, squirming cuddliness of their tiny bodies; observing every single moment of cuteness and adorability; and now the sweet release – letting go of them as they head off to carry out their puppy purpose of bringing joy to all; accepting that it is time for them to go; trusting that they will be fine and that they are going to the right and perfect home; and of course, love – for the puppies themselves, and for my family – my sister with whom puppyhood forms an unbreakable bond, and my children, niece and nephew who are learning how the love of puppies also means love of family.

Free and laughing in times of crisis

2008-10-07T15:39:00.002-05:00

I awoke this morning to the news that a financial advisor in California had murdered his family, and then himself, seemingly distraught at the effect of the financial meltdown on his life. I wondered what in the world could merit such an extreme response. Last week, a friend called me in a panic, wondering if she should pull her funds from a particular financial institution in Jamaica which was rumoured to be experiencing a run. And two days ago I received a note from my class rep at Harvard Business School, clearly concerned about the welfare and wellbeing of her classmates – a number of whom are in high positions in these failed institutions and in other institutions affected by the crisis.

I feel quite disconnected from the crisis, for I have made a decision that whatever is happening in the world out there, my life will continue to grow and prosper. My light will continue to shine brightly regardless of the darkness around me. Indeed, it is even more important to let our light shine in these times, for now is when the world needs sunshine and hope. I have made a decision to be free and laughing no matter what.

How does one be free and laughing in a time of crisis?

The very first step is to be present. There is no freedom in being somewhere else. When you are outside of the present, you are in Worryland! Worrying about past errors of judgment (why did I buy that mutual fund, why did I place my money in this or that institution, why didn’t I pull my funds when the danger signals were clear, yada yada yada) means that we are not present – we are in the past. It is done, and there is nothing we can do about it. So why worry? Worrying about the future (what will happen to me now that my money is at risk; how will recoup my savings; how will I fund my old age, etc.) is just as futile, for the future is an unknown – why worry about something that you know nothing about?

Being present means that we are now able to observe the moment. It means that we are able to choose what we want to observe. Do we choose to read the news? Or do we choose to read something else – a motivational book, a novel, our children’s homework? Do we choose to interact with negative people who are naysayers of doom and gloom? Or do we choose to interact with positive, vision-inspired people? Do we listen to or watch the news channels or to music and inspirational words? What is the reality that we choose to allow into our space and to observe? Being present allows us to choose our reality.

Release and acceptance are the next two Free and Laughing keys. Release involves letting go of our attachment to everything – in this case, releasing our attachment to money, to "our" money. It means releasing our attachment to all the things we thought we knew about wealth, money and finances; all the things we thought we know would make us happy; all the trappings and trinkets that human life has become. Not that we don’t like them - we just release our addiction to them. So that the things we must have now become the things that we may or may not choose to have. A major thing to release is our poor-me role - in times of crisis, we hold on to the victim role, which somehow seems to bring us comfort perhaps because of all the company of like-minded victims! Misery really does love company! Releasing the victim may mean releasing some of the people we associate with, or at least faking temporary tinnitus!

Having released, we can now accept ourselves right where we are in the moment - alive, breathing and grateful. We can accept all the good in our life – and the so-called bad, which we may choose to call "lessons" and so make good. We can accept who we are at the most fundamental level, and we can accept the situation as it is – a situation. We can also accept that the situation, like everything else in this material world, is temporary. "This too shall pass" is a wonderful affirmation for acceptance.

This puts us in a place to trust. I reminded my friend who called me in a panic about her money that the same energy that created the funds she invested once, is there to create it over and over again. The energy of the universe, which created all things, is still there, waiting to do the thing it knows best - create! We need not worry, we need only be clear and focused in our intention, and trust that our prayers are always answered.

And finally love - the only power! What a joy to love everything that’s happening. Times of crisis are opportunities to view the world with love – to recognise what’s really important in our lives - our family, friends, strangers who become friends if even only for a moment, our pets, our home, our surroundings - the magnificent mountains, the sparkling sea, the verdant vegetation - every little thing. When we view the world with love, then we are able to realise how blessed we are - and, as the line in the song "My Favourite Things" goes: "And then I don't feel so bad"! Or better - we are free and laughing!

Pray to be open

2008-10-05T21:04:00.000-05:00

It is a common belief that in prayer we are to ask God for something. We ask God to bless our food; to keep us safe; to protect and guide our children; to provide us with house, food and other material things. Many of us, when we feel that our prayers are not being answered, ask harder to the point of begging and supplication, becoming desperate, wondering why God is not giving us the things we ask for.

It occurs to me that if God, or whatever you choose to call the one Higher Power, created and is all, then surely all these things that we are asking for are already provided? If all things are already provided, then there is no need to ask for anything. It’s all there. The food is already blessed; we are already safe; our children are already protected and guided and we are already supplied with all the material things we desire. If this is the case, one may ask, then why don’t we see them manifest in our lives? And that’s the challenge – we don’t see them, we don’t believe that they are already provided. We are in a place of “see it and believe it” rather than “believe it and see it”. HUGE difference!

So what do we pray for then? We can do a prayer of gratitude, giving thanks for the provision of whatever it is that we desire, in this way affirming our certain knowledge and faith that it is already provided. Another prayer is of affirming openness and acceptance of all the good in the universe, with ultimate clarity, no blockages, so that the veils (almost wrote “evil” – hmmm – something to think about) of doubt, of lack of faith, are removed. There is no need to ask or beseech. There is only a need to open and accept. Then we will be able to see that God always provides.

Giving up and letting go

2008-09-25T06:08:00.002-05:00

I am a few pages away from the conclusion of “Slipstream: A Daughter Remembers” by Rachel Manley. Coming to the end of a good book is a little like the end of a vacation. For awhile, you are in another world, absorbed in the characters, the plot, the comings and goings, the emotions, the twists, the turns. Like a vacation, you see new things, meet new people. Then, the end looms, and while you are happy to return home, to life as you know it before you stayed up all night unable to put the book down, there is a sense of sadness at the finality of “the end”.

Rachel Manley is an amazing author. Her use of metaphor and simile is absolutely riveting. So many times in this book I have stopped to re-read a paragraph or a phrase, to breathe in its beauty, to absorb the meaning – on one plane first, and then on subsequent re-readings, on other, deeper levels. So, while I was absorbed in the story, many of the characters, places and situations personally known to me, I also love the book for demonstrating the fulsome beauty of the English language.

This morning I came upon these sentences which Rachel used in describing the imminent death of her father: “A force of nature will do what it has to do. It never gives up, it cannot. It can only propel or blow or erupt or burn or flow. It has no capacity to stop”.

The profundity of her words hit me full in the face like a boxer – the final of numerous knockout punches in this book. I think she is so right. We, humans, animals, the earth, every living thing, can never just stop or give up. It is totally outside of our very nature to do so. We should never even bother to try. That takes too much effort, for it is against our nature. Indeed, often we think that giving up or stopping is the easier thing to do. But perhaps it isn’t. Maybe, it really is easier to keep going. Have we ever noted the effort it takes when we say “I give up”? We feel uncomfortable, rehashing the situation over and over in our own minds and with others. Somehow, although we say we have given up, we really haven’t.

There is a difference between giving up and letting go. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up – it is actually taking the action in great faith of knowing. It is a forward movement, a propelling – not a cessation. Letting go is not passive, it is very much active.

Today, if you feel that maybe it’s time to just give up on anything or anyone, it would be good to remember that this is impossible, and that trying to do so is a waste of your energy. However, it may be time to let go. And if so, do so in full faith that letting go is a very active step that will move you forward and upward to a much brighter place.

Public Enemy #1 - continued ...

2008-09-21T21:46:00.002-05:00

Since publishing the blog on “Public Enemy #1”, many people have responded with some version of “Good for you!” or “Marguerite, how did you do it?” Others have said “I don’t think I would have the guts”. “So, I thought I would share my “tips” on how to dispense with the TV.

First thing is to minimise the number of television sets in your home. We have one TV now. My elimination began with the TV set that was in my bedroom, prompted by my Feng Shui consultant who said, very matter-of-factly: “Marguerite, the bedroom is for two things only, and they both begin with S”. So, since “television” does not begin with “S” I figured that it had to go. This had great consequences – my bedroom became a sanctuary of quiet and peace, a place of reflection and meditation. I began to read much more. It became a gathering place for my children, dogs and me to talk, commune, hug and just be.

The next step is to minimise the hours of television that your children watch. This I started years ago by limiting viewing time during the week. They would occasionally request to watch a show during the week – this I allowed, but only after homework was completed. And since I banned them from TV during the week, I decided to set the example and not watch it myself. For once it was on, they would gravitate towards the couch, even CNN being more interesting to them than homework.

The final step is to make the decision – and to stick to it. In doing so, it is very important to be clear on why you are doing this, and to have a rational conversation with the children. “Because I am the mother and I say so” just won’t cut it. I also made it clear that we would try it, and that the decision could be reversed. You also have to offer some compromise – in my case, I promised that we would rent DVDs on the weekends. But you know what? They rarely ask anymore about this.

In the beginning I got every possible argument from them as to why the cable was so important. I listened quietly, smiled and said nothing. “Really?” or “Oh yes?” or “Uh huh” was pretty much all that emitted in response. For I did not plan to get into any discussion about it, having set the parameters.

Some readers have asked about computers. My children have their own laptops and they do use these to interact with friends, watch shows and do their homework (note order of priority). I sometimes wonder if they have replaced television watching with computer time. However, there is a fundamental difference – the computer is much more interactive and mindful than the TV so it does not have the same numbing effect. I am watching this situation, and Victoria and Shane know that if they abuse it, I will put limits on their laptop time.

Earlier, as I wrote this, my children were sitting in the kitchen talking. They had just came in from playing outside – Victoria taking photographs of Shane, and working out how they can make some money by selling the photos. As Victoria came through the door she said to me “Mummy, every evening Shane and I are going to go outside on the roof and take pictures. I guess we wouldn’t do this if we had cable. Although I still miss and want back the cable”. Yes Victoria, sometimes I miss the cable too. But the alternative is just wonderful!

In reflecting on my experience and how easy it turned out to be, it occurred to me that perhaps the most important thing is my integrity. I set the example – my television set was the first to go and I put limits on my own viewing. There is little to argue with when the person making the rules sticks by them. Things go a lot easier when one acts with integrity.

Public Enemy #1!

2008-09-19T10:10:00.000-05:00

In May of this year I disconnected the cable service at home. While my children understood my decision in the runup to their end of year examinations, they were aghast when I announced that I would not be reconnecting it at all! For awhile I was Public Enemy #1.

Television has always been controlled in my home. The rules are – no TV during the week, but unlimited viewing allowed on the weekends AFTER homework has been completed. Summer? All restrictions lifted, no holds barred, veg-out on the couch time! I had my suspicions that these rules were oft broken when I was not at home – the mad scrambling of shadows from the TV room as I pulled up at the gate being one clear indicator. But mostly, the rules were obeyed.

So why did I take this drastic decision? 4 years ago, when Hurricane Ivan hit Jamaica, we had no electricity for one week. During that time I noticed that my children argued less, played with each other more and spent more time outside occupying themselves with new and novel (to them) pastimes. I observed this and it remained on my peripheral parent horizon – a sort of “Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have TV, but I can’t bother take on THAT fight right now – more important battles for a mom to win”.

The same thing happened in the month of June. Few arguments. No fights. Focus on exams. Peace. About to reconnect the cable service – I had even drawn the cheque – I came home early one afternoon and found Victoria and Shane playing baseball/rounders on the front lawn with their cousins! When night fell, we all gathered on the front patio in the twilight of the day and talked! This was an “Aha!” moment if ever there was one – I knew then that keeping the TV off was the right thing to do. Occasionally a parent KNOWS, not in hindsight but at the moment, when the decision you are making is the right one. This was one of those moments.

And so the cable was off during the entire summer. And it remains off. For this is what happened:

There is very little fussing, fighting and arguments between Victoria and Shane. They play together more, are more relaxed and somehow don’t seem to get on each other’s nerves as much. I am reading more, for truth be told, I did enjoy an occasional session of mindless channel-surfing.

We are closer as a family. Pre-cable lock off, whenever I came home in the evenings, the dogs would run to greet me at the car, but there was nary a sight of the children. I would come in and find them comatose in front of the TV. Now my children are first out of the door each evening to greet me, most times getting there before the fleet-footed four-leggies. I like to collapse in my bed in the evenings. Now my children join me and we talk, jibe and play together. Generally the house is peaceful and happy. I will not be reconnecting the cable service. The payoff is too great!

And of course, I muse – what is the deeper meaning of all of this? The lesson I am learning is to notice when a decision FEELS right, and to go with that feeling. When we go with the feeling then the decision is easy. Difficult decisions are “difficult” only in our minds. A decision is simply a decision – we add complexity to it by our beliefs and judgement. And when we add complexity, the implementation of the decision becomes more difficult. Think of it – all I did was disconnect the cable service. Because the decision felt right, justifying it was not difficult and so my children soon recognised my resolve and they stopped pushing me on it. Thus, there have been few arguments – although I do get the occasional snide, yet smiling, remark about boredom, wishing TV was on, Mummy-don’t-you-miss-TV, etc. I just smile, knowing beyond a doubt that the decision is the correct one.

The standout moment was when we were vacationing in South Africa this summer. Every hotel room has a television with cable service and I thought that Victoria and Shane would be glued to it. I was so surprised when this didn’t happen, that I enquired why – “I think I have gotten out of the habit of watching TV” Shane responded. Ah! Mom really does know best - sometimes!

Clefty

2008-09-08T06:10:00.004-05:00

My sister called me in tears yesterday as I was on my way to church. “Clefty died” I heard through her sobs. And tears welled in my eyes as I too felt the sadness.

Clefty was born three weeks ago to Carole’s Shih-tzu/poodle dog, Britney. He was the first born of 7 beautiful pups, lovingly delivered by Carole in a 7-hour marathon that lasted from about 11.00 p.m. to 5.52 a.m. when I received her last text message “Just delivered #7”. But Clefty had a “problem” – he had a cleft palate. This made nursing difficult for him. Further, his mother, in the way of nature, started to reject him.

So, the dilemma – do we let nature take its course or do we give this puppy a chance at life? Together Carole and I recalled the puppies we had “saved” – Minnie, the rottweiler pup born blind with serious respiratory problems, whom the vet declared we were wasting our money on – but who went on to live for 17 years; Itsy Bitsy, my own little pup, the runt of the second litter of my dog Cloud, who I forcefed every two hours for days – and who went on to produce her own litter of 7 gorgeous babies; Purlie, the runt of Itsy’s litter who also had to be forcefed, and who lived 22 joyous, carefree, love-filled months with us. Left to nature, they probably would not have survived. But I have this theory that God gives us knowledge and will for a reason, and since that is part of our human nature, it behoves us to use it. And when Carole said to me “Do you regret saving Itsy?” I knew that we must do whatever we could to help Clefty (as the puppy was now named).

Thus, the bottle-feeding began. I had my experience of a full week of bottlefeeding when I dogsat Carole’s dogs. Every few hours either Victoria or I would sit with Clefty wrapped in a towel, easing the nipple into his little mouth. He would suck eagerly, his tiny paws pushing against the imaginary udders of his mother. It is impossible to multitask when you are bottlefeeding a puppy. And so Clefty feeding time became moments of presence, when all I focused on was this sweet little puppy. He became the favourite of all – the first telephone call of the day between sisters starting with “How is the little Clefty”? In three weeks he became a treasured part of our lives.

Yesterday we released Clefty on his way to doggie heaven, to join Minnie, Purlie and all the other dogs who have graced our lives. Once again, a dog has reminded me of the true nature of life. We are here to love and to love unconditionally. We are here to contribute to the betterment of humanity. Yet our humanity is not in isolation of the totality and interconnectedness of life on this planet, so we are here to love and care for this too – the birds, animals, plants, lizards, land, air, water – and yes, the little Clefty. And I am reminded of God’s perfect world. There is no such thing as an imperfection. Clefty’s little palate was to us the sweetest thing – when he finished his feeding, he would smack his lips and his tongue would edge into the cleft right up into his little nostril. And we would gaze at this “imperfection”, and think “he is so perfect”. But perhaps the greatest reminder is of the impermanence of life on this planet. We are all leaving this life as we know it. The question is - will we, like Clefty, have brought joy and happiness to those whose lives we touched? For that is our choice. Clefty, in his 3 weeks with us brought immense joy and love. Would that we all choose to do the same!

Knights in shining armour

2008-09-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

I woke up on the Friday morning after Tropical Storm Gustav had passed, happy that my home had suffered no damage, only to hear the news that the fence separating my property from the golf course was down. I now had an unimpeded panoramic view - the green melting into a row of trees, on into the Liguanea plain on which Kingston is situated and further into the Kingston harbour on the horizon. Beautiful! I had always wished for this view. Now I had it.

My immediate concern was for my 5 dogs who are used to roaming free, albeit in the confines of the yard, and who often gather at the back fence to gaze longingly at the open space and bark at the golfers. Then I thought of the fruit-gatherers who roam the golf course, crocus bags and fruit-pickers in hand, eyes peeled for any fruit that could possibly have value in the Constant Spring market. My dogs now had free access to the golf course, and the fruit gatherers had free access to my property – not a happy situation for me at all.

In dismay I surveyed the damage and did a quick calculation of the likely cost. Adding this to the school fees I was just about to pay, and the attendant back to school expenses, my panic went into overdrive. “Damsel-in-distress” was my state of mind, a feeling of helplessness overpowering me. My older son in Trinidad, my brother in London – the men who are usually there for me were far away! What was I to do? I returned to the house, a bundle of nervous, negative, fearful energy. My 13-year old son Shane gazed at me in bewilderment for awhile and then declared, with all the confidence, the all-knowingness of the universe “But Mummy, we can fix the fence. We can just get a rope, pull it up and tie it on to something”. And in that moment, my wonderful son showed me “Marguerite, you have choices”. I was so elated, I hugged and kissed him declaring “Thank you my brilliant son”. He went off happily to find some rope, secure in his role as the man of the house!

Oh what a lesson! What a reminder of the wisdom of a child who knows that we live in a world of infinite possibilities and that we always have choices. Interesting that whenever we feel we have a problem the real issue is our perception or belief that we have no choice. Once we come out of the no-choice abyss, the “problem” tends to go away or at least lessen in significance. I relaxed – problem? What problem? For I now realised that the problem was only a problem in my mind, and that there were numerous possible solutions.

Here’s what happened next. I picked up the September Daily Word, and opened it to that day’s reading entitled “Let go and let God”. Now I was SURE that the universe was talking to me in no uncertain terms, emphasising what Shane had just revealed to me – I have choice, once I let go. And so I let go completely of the damsel-in-distress role, and spent a happy day caring for my children, my 5 dogs, my sister’s 3 dogs and 7 puppies! In and out of my consciousness throughout the day came thoughts about the fence – and as quickly as they came, they were banished by Shane’s comment and the Daily Word reading.

As evening fell, a name suddenly came to me very forcefully and very clearly – Roddie, one of my brother’s dearest friends, who works with a construction firm. I called him, and before I could complete the story of the Gustaved fence, he stated “Marguerite, I will be at your house at 8.00 a.m. tomorrow morning”. And he was. By 11.00 a.m. he had located Miguel, the most delightful workman, and by 3.00 p.m. he informed me that work would start on Monday morning. He negotiated the labour cost, and made arrangements for materials to be delivered to me. He advised me each step of the way, and checked the progress everyday. Thursday evening I returned home to find my dogs frolicking happily in the back yard, their abode now secure as the fence was restored.

What a lesson of the value of a friend! What a lesson of the wisdom of a child! What a lesson of how ease and grace can manifest when we let go and let God! Thank you Sir Shane and Sir Roddie, my knights in shining armour – you sure made a difference to the life of this “damsel-in-distress”!

Senior Citizen Discount

2008-09-04T08:29:00.003-05:00

I popped into the supermarket yesterday to pick up a few items. In a rush, I was quite impatient as I noted that the cashier had scanned all the items, yet had not totalled the amount. She sat there waiting for something and I wondered what. All was soon revealed – to my shock and dismay, she was waiting for the supervisor to authorise a senior citizen’s discount – for ME! Well, can I tell you that in that moment a cacophony of thoughts cascaded through my head – how dare she; the nerve of her; do I really look that old; I must visit my hairdresser today to wash out my grey hairs; I will never leave home without full makeup ever again; and more – like a raging torrent reminiscent of the recent rains from Tropical Storm Gustav, the angry, upset thoughts came.

Then, a different thought, like a tiny ray of sunshine, peeped through. I recalled a part of my mother’s now-famous e-mail that inspired my book “Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments” – funnily enough, the incident Mummy related happened in a supermarket too! Here’s the part that came to me “I did have a good laugh with and at myself, giving thanks that I can see the funny side of life still and not caring what others think because I know it doesn’t matter at my age and should not have at any age either”.

And this little ray of sunshine, grew into a full blown sunbeam of gratitude – for reaching my age hale, hearty, healthy and happy; for having the money to pop into the supermarket to buy what I want when I want it; for the actual discount – the prosperity of the universe coming to me, and finally for my mom, who continues to be my guide in spirit.

I made up a story today

2008-08-28T19:08:00.000-05:00

I made up a story today, and then decided to change the script.

Here’s what happened:

Everyone in Jamaica is preparing to greet Hurricane Gustav. Realising the imminence of the storm, I offered to drop the lady who does my ironing to her home. She lives in what we in Jamaica call “di ghetto”. As I drove off from her drop-off point, to my left I saw two young men with a dog. One was seated, wearing a hoodie with the hood drawn up over his head. The other was standing in front of him holding the dog’s leash. The dog was a recently groomed Shih Tzu wearing a red collar. It was squirming a bit and the man who was seated seemed to be trying to hold it. Those are the facts.

But facts are never enough. As humans, we put our mind to work to try to make meaning of what we have observed. And so, this was my story:

The men stole the dog. That was my first premise for surely two ghetto youths would not be able to own such a groomed, pedigreed dog. Then I started to embroider this story even more – the seated man had the hoodie pulled up over his head, clearly trying to hide his face as a thief would do. I started to feel sorry for the dog and the owner. I became angry at the men, and even more angry at myself for not being brave enough to stop and rescue the dog. For of course, I also built into the story that being thieves, they must have guns, so I would be risking my life to rescue the dog! I worked myself up into quite a state, almost to the point of tears, memories resurfacing of my sister’s dog that disappeared the day Hurricane Ivan hit in 2004. By the time I finally called my sister to relate the story, I was quite distraught.

Luckily, my sister and I are checks and balances for each other. As I related the story, I started to really listen to what I was saying, abetted by her insightful comments and questioning. Soon, we were making up alternative stories about the scenario. And we ended realising that since we didn’t know anything, we could choose to believe whichever story we wanted to believe. And so we chose to believe the story that the dog was lost, the men found her and would take loving, good care of her throughout the hurricane. I felt good with this story. I sent loving energy to the dog and the men. Is this the truth? Who knows? Who cares? There are many other stories I could have chosen to believe, for they are all just stories – each as “true” as the other. What I do know is that it is the truth that I choose.

And isn’t that the way it is in our lives in general? Everything that happens, we make up a story. Most times it is the story that affects us, not the actual facts. We are in effect getting into highly emotional states about things that are not even true – they are simply our perceptions, assumptions and interpretations. It is good to stop and observe ourselves. When we find ourselves in a good state, chances are we have made up a good story. When we find ourselves unbalanced and emotionally out of sorts, then we know that our story is not a good one for us. Whichever it is, we must recognise that every situation is a story made up by us – unless of course, we really truly are in the present moment. For in the present moment, there are no stories – just being.

Facebook ego

2008-08-25T23:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I opened my Inbox to see this Facebook message:

"Smile! You were recorde by a hidden camera”

Followed by this message:

"I see you in this video. When was it?"

I immediately clicked on the link and tried to open the video. I should have known something was wrong when it would not open. Yet I kept clicking and clicking, wanting to see this video of me! All sorts of thoughts raced through my head – when was it taken, what was I doing, how did I look, hope it is nothing embarrassing, etc. I eventually realised something was terribly wrong when I received a message from a friend asking if I had sent him the same video! As it turns out, over the weekend a hacker had penetrated the Facebook privacy firewalls causing a maelstrom of messages throughout the network. Friends are becoming enemies, as some of the messages are quite offensive.

Having warned all my Facebook friends, and cleaned up my laptop as best as I could, I now pause to reflect. Why was I so desperate to see the video that I kept trying to download over and over, despite a little voice that nagged at me that something was wrong? Why have my friends behaved in the same way, e-mailing me frantically, wanting to see their video, despite my posting warnings on my Facebook wall? Looking at my own behaviour I can only conclude that it’s EGO at work!

You see, the ego loves itself over and above everything else. It loves its own image, voice, smell – anything and everything that reminds it of itself, that will support and build its own image of itself. The ego is totally committed to its own perpetuation at the expense of everything else. It will destroy everything about you, just for its own sake. I put my laptop and my Facebook friends in danger because of my ego. Something (that inner voice) told me that what I was doing was not right. Yet, driven by my ego, I refused to listen. I continued on my mad clicking spree knowing deep inside that I was out of control, doing the wrong thing.

It is so ironic that at a book reading the previous evening I had read the chapter from my book "Free and Laughing" entitled “Something Told Me”, which is all about the importance of listening to the inner voice. Hours later, I had forgotten all of that, totally consumed by my ego. I now realise that I always have to be on guard with my ego. I always have to keep it in check. I must be aware that whenever I am doing something, and that niggling feeling, whisper or discomfort arises, it is an indication that my ego is in control. Time to stop, breathe and clear the frequency, so that I can hear the inner voice loud and clear, without the noise of my ego.

Relax and focus

2008-08-17T19:55:00.002-05:00

“I didn’t know I was going to run so fast,” he said. “But I came out to be a champion, and I was. I just tried to stay relaxed. I’m always relaxing. That’s the way to go so fast: relax and just focus” - Usain Bolt

Will I ever tire of watching Usain Bolt winning Olympic Gold and breaking the 100m Men’s world record? I think not – just 24 hours later, I must have watched the replay at least 24 times! (The only thing that can top his run is Jamaica’s clean sweep of the Women’s 100m – 1, 2, 3 – sorry 1, 2, 2 as we have been awarded gold and two silver!) More than just watching him run, I love the way he is enjoying himself – the dropping of the arms, the beating of his chest (“ah mi dat”), the high stepping even before he crossed the line – here is a man who is living in the moment and enjoying it. He has no thought about what he could have done, how much faster he could have gone. He is simply present to the moment – his moment. How wonderful to watch his childlike spirit – this is what happens when you are present – you experience the joy and ecstacy that happens so often in childhood, but that somehow we lose as we “grow up”. I hope Bolt never ever loses it. I hope he never “grows up”.

As I listened to his interviews, I have been struck in particular by two words that he repeats – “relax” and “focus”. “I am always relaxing” – note that he speaks in the present perfect tense. He is telling himself all the time – relax, relax, relax. When one relaxes, one loosens tension and is able to flow, muscles and indeed the entire body lightening and lengthening. Now the body is ready to do one’s will. But Bolt is not just relaxing for the sake of relaxing – he is relaxing with a purpose and clear focus – “I came out to be a champion”. This is the human spirit at its’ best, and Usain’s body had no choice but to follow. Focus channels energy. Energy channelled into a body that is relaxed, present and ready? Well, we saw the result in Beijing!

This is how to achieve excellence in any area that we choose – focus, relax, stay present and enjoy the moment! Then, life will be a beautiful ride, and you can achieve the most amazing feats in fun and style!

The Apartheid Museum

2008-08-16T11:33:00.001-05:00

I am back home in Jamaica reflecting on my recent trip to South Africa. One of the amazing things about the country is the buzz of hope and possibilities. Everywhere you go, despite the acknowledged challenges and hardships, you feel the energy of hope.

One of the highlights of the trip was my visit to the Apartheid Museum in Johannesburg. The museum encapsulated the nation’s journey from one of the most dastardly systems of oppression to the emerging sunshine of freedom. As I viewed te the exhibits I was struck by the violence rent man to man – African to African; English to Boer; Boer to African – seems like all groups were inflicting violence on each other all in the name of power and control. This history of violence was driven by fear of others, of the unknown, of uncertainty, of the future. Fundamentally, the fear was not from what others were doing or not doing, but from how people saw the situation and projected into the future. The fear was, and always is, in their minds.

I experienced such a mishmash of emotions – anger, pain, deep sorrow, joy, regret, hope and others – and I found myself thinking “Is this journey different to the journey that Jamaica has travelled?” I envisioned an Apartheid Museum in Jamaica that would chronicle our journey. And it occurred to me that it would not be dissimilar to the South African museum. Maybe the violence and oppression were not as formalised and institutionalised in Jamaica as in South Africa, but it happened, and worse, continues to happen. There has been no national cleansing, no truth and reconciliation, no healing, no coming out of our denial.

We Jamaicans are proud of the role we played in South Africa’s fight for freedom. What about our own freedom? How can we be so busy fighting for the rights of others that we neglect the rights of our own people? In standing up for the principles of freedom and democracy, are we standing up for our right in an authentic, genuine way? Or is it just grandstanding? For a truly genuine commitment to freedom would have us shouting the loudest in our own backyard.

Yes, we cried “Free Nelson Mandela” – over and over until he was free. What we must not forget nor neglect are the many Nelsons in Jamaica oppressed by a system that keeps them poor and uneducated, thus denying them of the hope of a future of dreams and possibilities! And further, we must never forget that we cannot build a society based on fear – for fear will only create more fear, which as I saw so clearly in the Apartheid Museum, only leads to a downward spiral of the fight for power and control. The turning point from fear is to come out of our denial, accept our past, forgive and then ….. LOVE!

Long live the Kumina King and Queen!

2008-08-15T21:26:00.001-05:00

Last night I attended a performance of the National Dance Theatre Company of Jamaica (NDTC). As I settled into my seat, I glanced at the programme and noted with glee that the performance would close with my favourite NDTC work, Kumina. I consider it a masterpiece and never tire of it. I have seen Kumina so many times I know I could easily perform it if the company ever needed a spare dancer!

As the pulsating roll of live drumming and singing started, my body naturally started to move. Then, the riveting moment – the entrance of the Kumina king. This role was created and has been danced from inception by Rex Nettleford, the Artistic Director of the NDTC. It is HIS role. He has so embodied it that his entrance in Kumina always elicits enthusiastic applause. As my palms came together, I noted – the king was not Rex! This could not be Kumina. All of a sudden, this dance that I have grown to love so much, was not the same. A multitude of critical thoughts raced through my mind – the drumming was slow and weak, the singers sounded offkey and tame, the king looked timid, the male corps were untidy, etc. I found myself wanting the performance to end.

And then, something changed. The moment when the king commanded a change of rhythm of the drummers broke my state. I sat up and realised that there is no way I could enjoy this performance, for I was not present to it. I was actually watching Kuminas of times past, not this one. As I became present, magic seemed to happen - the drumming became more vibrant, the king took regal control, and the queen was beautifully elegant. What changed? Did the drummers, singers and dancers suddenly become imbued with some special energy? No. What changed was me. I became present and was able to enjoy the performance as it was presented with no comparisons with the past. And this is how it is with our lives – when we are not present to the moment, then we cannot see the beauty of it.

As the royal couple glided around the stage in the kumina foot shuffle, backs swayed, chins held high and only the hips gently rocking forward and upward, I saw Kumina in a new light. This young couple brought their own energy and vibrancy to their roles. Their movements, fired by their youth and vigour, were true testimony to the legacy of the NDTC - that this iconic work could pass from one generation of dancers to another and get even better! I felt, as the performance concluded and I applauded mightily, long live the Kumina king and queen! Long live Kumina!

The hug

2008-08-11T06:41:00.000-05:00

During my visit to NYC last week, my cousin Cantu and I arranged to meet at the Barnes and Noble bookstore to kickoff our marathon shopping afternoon. As Victoria and I walked into the store, we all waved happily and energetically “Here I am” and flew into each other’s open welcoming arms for a long, warm hug.

As we unravelled from the tussle of three bodies, six arms and three sets of teeth gleaming broadly in unbounded smiles, a diminutive elderly lady came into our orbit. She had been standing there watching us with her hand on her heart, tears in her eyes and was saying over and over: “Oh. This is so beautiful to see people hugging like this. You have made my day”. We brought her into our space, acknowledged the beauty of the hug and gave her a hug too. It so touched our hearts that she was so touched.

And that is the joy of the present moment, when three people are hugging each other totally focused and present to that moment of hugging. That moment extends to others so that our observer was also absorbed in the joy of the hug. Who got more joy – the huggers or the observer? I really don’t know. Perhaps there is no “more” during a present moment. Perhaps the joy of the moment is absolute – it just is, with no comparisons. Everything is relative we often hear. Yet, that moment of hugging was relative to nothing. For Cantu, Victoria, our friend and me in that moment we were not remembering past hugs or anticipating future ones; we were not distracted by thoughts of anything else – all our attention was focused on that moment of hugging. We were one with each other, with our family of birth but also with our entire human family. The elderly lady was no stranger – she was us.

The beauty of such joy is that it continues even after the moment of the actual hugging – we felt great to have made someone’s day, in addition to our own; our observer floated away on a cloud of joy, no doubt to have a different type of day than she was having before; I am still revelling in the moment four days later as I write this, and hopefully, you, the reader, are feeling the joy of that moment – and of this one, which is all there is.

How mighty and magical is the moment!

BFF

2008-08-09T06:58:00.002-05:00

We had a "cousins reunion" in NYC last night at dinner. No gathering with me in New York is complete without my friend Eliz. She is family - not just to me but to my cousins as well. Eliz and I figured out, with much exclamation, astonishment, surprise, denial and pride, that we have been friends for 42 years, having met in first form at Wolmer’s!

Nowadays Eliz and I rarely see each other. When I pass through New York, or she whooshes through JA, then we link up for a meal or a quick visit. Our mothers, Daisy and Helen, developed their own friendship independent of their daughters. This friendship had them visiting and travelling with each other, communicating regularly and taking care to nurture and treasure their friendship. This was how Eliz and I kept up with each other - through our moms. Our relationship has been different to our moms' - intermittent communication (read: months or years) with barely an e-mail, and never a letter, card or note! Yet, as we acknowledged last night, Eliz is my BFF (“Best Friend Forever” for those of you over 25, or who have children over 25). When we meet, it’s back to being the giggly schoolgirls we were at Wolmer’s – chatting about boys (yes we still do that, although they are now men), our work, our families, our health (read: weight) and of course catching up on our classmates at Wolmer’s and reminiscing about the good old days. The reconnection is immediate, comfortable, unpretentious. I am myself with Eliz, and she is herself with me.

We parted with promises of communicating with each more by e-mail, and my threat to get her on Facebook (my threat to everyone nowadays). Yet, I know that if she doesn’t get around to answering my e-mails – it’s OK. The next time I am heading to NY, or she is coming to JA, we will link up again, counting the years as BFFs, and celebrating our treasured friendship!

Selfishness and heroism

2008-07-29T16:09:00.006-05:00

Throughout our lives we are repeatedly told by others not to be selfish. We learn that being selfish is considered negative, antisocial behaviour. At the same time we feel an innate tug to take care of ourselves first, knowing deep within that failure to do so will mean our inability to care for others.

The constant admonition to be unselfish, accompanied by the violin strains of great virtue, if adopted, becomes sacrificial. Those who take it to heart give up their desires, their dreams, their lives, indeed their own selves, all in the pursuit of the love and acceptance of others. When people say to us “Don’t be selfish” they usually want something from us that we won’t give them. When someone accuses us of being selfish, what they usually mean is that you are not tending to their needs. “Give Donny a piece of your cookie” mother tells Anna. “No” says Anna “I am hungry”. “Don’t be selfish now” says mother. Anna reluctantly gives up her cookie. “Good girl” mother says, and Anna experiences mixed feelings of approval by her mother and disappointment at not having the cookie, but more importantly with herself. This is how it starts. Anna is hungry and wants her cookie. Donny wants a piece, and all of a sudden Anna is selfish not to give it to him. Before long, Anna is giving up everything in order not to be considered selfish. Her cookie. Her seat. Her career. Her dreams. Her life. Anna soon finds that she does not love herself. Indeed, she does not even know herself anymore, for she has become so devoted to the care and concern of others, that she has neglected her own needs and desires. Her unselfishness, considered a great virtue by those who want something from her, has now become her greatest burden.

What is selfishness and why is it such a virtue? Virtues are supposed to make us feel good, yet this one tends to raise mixed feelings within us. Consulting my trusty dictionary, I find that “selfish” means “devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others”. It is the “regardless of others” part that becomes a problem, for surely there could be nothing wrong with caring for ourselves. If we explore further the definition of “self” we will find that it means “consciousness of one’s own identity”. How did “self-ish” or “belonging to the consciousness of our own identity” come to mean concern ONLY with our own needs to the exclusion of others? Perhaps it is because when we are conscious of who we are, then we are out of the control of others. We are able to determine our own dreams, hopes, desires and live our lives in accordance.

But this is not at all to say that when we are in this state, we totally ignore the needs of others. There is a balance to be struck. There IS virtue and nobility in helping and giving to others. There is something uplifting about serving others even at our own seeming disadvantage. When we are in this mode, then the discomfort is temporary, for it is superceded by the gratification of giving of oneself.

I visited the Hector Pieterson Museum in Soweto today. The moment I rounded the corner of the building, I was blown away by the strongest moment of recognition – of a photograph of a young man carrying a dying child, with a screaming girl running beside him. It was the photograph of one of the first children killed in the Soweto riot that brought the horrific situation in South Africa to international attention. This photo of anguished children and a dying child that was transmitted around the world, was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I recognised it instantly.

As we moved away from the photograph towards the museum entrance, my eyes fell to this quote from the mother of the child holding Hector, now etched in a marble step: “Mbuyisa is or was my son. But he is not a hero. In my culture, picking up Hector is not an act of heroism. It was his job as a brother. If he left him on the ground and somebody saw him jumping over Hector, he would never be able to live there.”

This is what occurred to me when I read the mother’s quote at the Hector Pieterson memorial: could it be that the young man who snatched Hector up in an effort to save him, was just being selfish? For how would he have lived with himself had he left Hector to die? His mother understood this. He was saving himself from a life of remorse and regret had he run away empty handed. He knew in his heart that he would not be able to live with himself. He was being selfish in the truest sense of the word - that is, conscious only of his identity as one human being a brother to another. Mbuyisa, in that moment, understood that he and Hector were one – and that to pick him up was an act of the greatest selfishness. And that is what heroism is – knowing who you are as a human being, one with all humanity, and acting in accordance.

Courage to do the work you love - Nic

2008-07-28T13:29:00.005-05:00

Within the first 2 hours of the start of our trip to Kruger National Park, it was clear to us that our driver and guide, Nic, loves what he does. We didn’t have to ask – we just knew. From his welcome, complete with instructions, directions and full disclosure on how the day would progress, to his careful guidance whenever we stopped, to his entertaining banter throughout the trip – here was a man whose work is obviously his joy. Every question we asked was quickly and completely answered. So engrossed was he at one point in our conversation, that he missed the turnoff on the highway! He went into depth on the full array of topics that any visitor to South Africa would want to know – the geography, the languages (he greeted and conversed with everyone in their own native language), the biodiversity, the geology, the politics, the changes that are taking place in this amazing country. This was no ordinary tour guide! He gave facts, told stories, cracked jokes, and kept us entertained at every instant.

Turns out that up to 3 years ago, Nic was a corporate executive in a dairy products company. One day, he walked in and quit. He had had enough. Nothing his bosses could say or do, including having the CEO fly in from France to offer him a more lucrative contract, would change his mind. He sat around for a few months, and then decided to do something that would utilise his talents – love of people, love for and knowledge of South Africa, great conversational skills and a passion for the outdoors and his freedom. And so he became a tour guide.

He related to us his experiences of 6-week tours from Johannesburg, through to Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Namibia to Cape Town replete with having to purchase black market petrol in Zimbabwe, sleeping on the roof of his van in the desert whilst hyenas and lions circled, brushing his teeth with rum (Jamaican of course) to save precious water! And then, picking up another group in Cape Town and doing the tour all over again – 32,000 km twice! And he enjoyed the whole thing thoroughly!

I sat and listened in total admiration for his courage to leave the “safety” of a corporate job to LIVE! Yes, he had a good monthly income and all the trappings of corporate life, but he was dying inside. His soul was dying, his spirit, his very being simply fading away into nothingness. I see so many people like that in my work. I want to scream at them sometimes “LEAVE! Leave the work now and start to live the life that God meant you to live”. Most people will never have the guts to be a Nic. What a shame – for a few hours with Nic is enough to tell you that such a decision would never be the wrong one. Any decision to free yourself from the prison of doing work that does not inspire and enrich your life, is the right one. It WILL work out.

It's a small world after all

2008-07-24T10:48:00.001-05:00

So here I am in South Africa, in the library of my hotel having a meeting with Robert, my business partner. A woman walks in and asks us if we are South African. I ask “Do we look like South Africans?” a bit perplexed, as most people see immediately that we are foreigners. “I am looking for Ms. Orane” she says.

Turns out that Ashantewaa is a Jamaican woman living in South Africa who saw my name on the facilitator conference list and was determined to make contact. She had been enquiring about facilitators in Jamaica over the past few months, and my name kept coming up. She stopped by the hotel and had been calling my room, but they could not locate me. She had just popped into the library for a cup of coffee, and a little voice said to her “Could this be …?” And there I was! But here’s what else is freaky:

She attended the same high school as me (Wolmer’s)
She once sat on the same board as my brother, and had visited his home
She knows my niece, Zahra
She knows my daughter’s godmother, Sandra
She is co-owner of a bookstore in South Africa with whom I had been having discussions

Six degrees of separation? I think not – it really is a small world after all!

(Picture shows Ashantewaa surrounded by fellow Jamaicans Marguerite, Victoria and Shane)

Global Citizens

2008-07-20T08:50:00.002-05:00

Victoria, Shane and I are on our way to South Africa. In mothering my children, I have always maintained that I am rearing citizens of the world, and have endeavoured to bring them up that way. When the opportunity for me to visit South Africa this summer came up, I was determined to find a way to take them.

And now, as I sit in an airport hotel in New York, readying myself for the 18 hour flight to Johannesburg later this evening, I muse on what it takes to be a global citizen.

Our world is indeed one place. It is a place that operates in real time. It is also a place that operates in all-time. So much information is available to us about what happened eons ago, as well as what will or is likely or possible to happen eons hence. I find it fascinating. This dimension of time has been collapsed and made more comprehensible and accessible for us by the internet. This is the world my children are growing up in – the cyberworld. This is their real world. And it is mine – for me to raise global citizens, I must also be a global citizen. This journey is mine as much as it is theirs.

So, what is required to be a global citizen?

Recognizing that we live in one world, and that borders are articifial, man-decreed things. Yes, we do recognise things like immigration and customs when we travel, but we take them in our stride as they are surmountable hurdles on our journey around our world. Knowing this, we also know then that we are one people, brothers and sisters, regardless of minor differences like colour, race, gender, religion, etc.

The ability to observe dispassionately and with a fresh eye. My father was an avid amateur photographer. Whenever he travelled, I would always be amazed at his perspective – he saw things through his camera lens that others did not. It is this ability that helps us to see the beauty in what is different, and, to the unopened, jaded eye, ugly.

A sense of wonder. “I wonder if/what/how/why ….” is the opening of new worlds for us. This is what moves us beyond our boundaries and takes us to places and spaces that we never knew existed. This keeps us on our endless journey of becoming. It is what keeps me reading, searching the internet, talking to people and introspecting, always wanting to find out more what, how and why.

A willingness to explore and experience – being a citizen of the world requires an openness to explore new places and experiences. It is no place for the timid or faint of heart. Everything is an adventure when you are a global citizen!

Openness and tolerance of that which is different. This, along with our knowledge that we all are not really that different, helps us to open to new people and ways of being.

It is indeed an exciting time to be on this planet! I treasure this time with my children as together we discover worlds new to us. For me, this trip to Africa is a long-held dream come true. For them it is a dream happening as they are awake – it was never on their list of things-to-do, but as they are present to the experience, it is their dream happening right now.

The Detox

2008-07-07T07:27:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the final day of my 7-day detox. The programme, which I do about once per year, has me imbibing only fruits and fruit and vegetable juices. No cooked foods. No sugar. No meat. No flour (as in pastry or bread). And worst thing of all for me – no coffee! I decided to really commit to the detox this time. Truth be told – drumroll! – I had cheated on previous programmes by capitulating to the cravings of my body and having a small cup of coffee to keep me going. This time I decided to go for it wholeheartedly and with total dedication.

The actual diet wasn’t so bad: after all, it is mango season, and any program that says I can eat as many mangoes as I want has me in a state that can only be heaven. What I did not expect was the stuff that happened in other areas of my life. On Monday, my household help didn’t turn up for work, piqued at something I said to her the Friday before. That evening I hurt my back hefting a 5-gallon bottle of water when I was angry, so my muscles were tense and I was not paying attention lifting properly. Result? Searing back and leg spasms. I was in constant pain during the week, and was not able to attend my much-loved yoga classes. On Tuesday I discovered that the fitness certificate for my car had expired in May. On Wednesday my car had two flat tyres and my laptop crashed! On Thursday, I heard that the laptop was gone for good! My entire life felt like it was detoxing!

I became present to these events and mused: so it is with life. When we shift in one area, then other areas will shift as well. We shift, we displace, other things around us respond and shift as well. This is why things seem to come at us in droves, rather than a trickle, when we are experiencing a change –whether conscious or unconscious. When we are unconscious of what's happening, then it feels like our life is out of control. We don't know what's happening; we can't understand it; we start to look outward for anything and anyone to blame; we spiral further into a negative abyss of despair and chaos. However, when we become present to the events, then we know that what is happening is normal, OK, indeed expected. Coming into this place, I was able to observe what was going on around me and take it in my stride. So, the helper returned on Tuesday; the flat tyres were repaired, a new fitness certificate was issued, my hard drive was backed up and my detox continued. I focused on what was going on with my body – in particular how much sleep I needed, now that I no longer had the coffee-crutch, and how great I felt when I stirred from 7 hours of sleep!

Yesterday morning I woke up rested and without the coffee cravings. I admit I had a fleeting thought that since this was the last day, maybe I could just go ahead and have a small cup of espresso. But fleeting it was, as I realised that I didn’t even desire it. And I received the biggest surprise at yoga class when the instructor announced that it was a detoxifying class! A perfect way to end my 7-day detox.

This whole experience is a reminder to me of how perfectly the universe works – even as we go through change and the seeming ensuing chaos, we come to a place of equilibrium where all is well and in order.

Our words are powerful

2008-06-28T08:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, the Chairman of the Jamaica Urban Transit Company was murdered at the gates of one of the company’s depots. He had just stepped out of a meeting with the trade unions to buy cigarettes when he was gunned down.

I heard the head of one of the Trade Unions being interviewed on radio about the incident. The interviewer pointed out that the workers should bear some responsibility for this since some of them, in a heated meeting three weeks previously, had “thrown words” to the effect that “Chambers fi dead!”. The union boss was adamant that workers were not to be blamed.

It occurred to me as I listened that we do not understand how powerful our words are. Our words are the energy of our thoughts transmitted out to the universal energy field. Our words magnify and expand the energy of our thoughts. If we are thinking negative thoughts, then our words will magnify this energy in a negative and expanded way, perhaps even exponentially. When we think and speak, we put our energy out. We may believe that this energy disappears and evaporates once spoken. I believe otherwise. Our energy simply flows to where it finds welcoming haven, in the minds of those with similar thoughts. When that happens, then it multiplies the power of the word, for now, one plus one equals two – or maybe it is one times one equals two! Whatever it is, the energy of the word you put out there is doubled.

If we think of the great orators throughout history, we can see how their words changed the world - they spoke and the world changed. They all spoke with passion and emotion which resonated with their audience and moved them to action. It is the same with each one of us - our words are no less powerful than those of the great orators - we speak and the world changes.

And so, when those workers spoke those words, perhaps they did not mean them. Perhaps they were just speaking in the heat of the moment. Perhaps they were just letting off steam. What they did not understand is that their words, amplified by their strong emotions, are powerful beyond measure. Whatever their intention, the energy of their words went out into the world and lodged in the minds of two men who had similar thoughts. That energy doubled. And the men took action at the gates of the bus company depot yesterday.

We MUST watch our words. It is the first step in watching our thoughts. Our words determine not just the quality of our lives, but the quality of our community, society and indeed our world. When we become aware of what we are saying, then we are in a position to change the words, and the thoughts. It is not “just semantics” – changing our words from negative to positive actually changes the broader energy field. If enough of us do that, then the energy of our community, society and entire world will change from negative to positive. Watching our words is our first step, our contribution to a world of peace and love.

"Do not ever contact me again"

2008-06-24T00:03:00.003-05:00

I was so tickled when my daughter invited me to be one of her first friends on Facebook. Initially, I looked at Facebook as a way to know who my children’s friends are, and to understand more what their generation is talking about and experiencing. However, over the last few weeks I have started to “get” Facebook. I am finally beginning to see the potential of this tool to connect people all over the world, and to impact their lives. Facebook is a powerful way of connecting with people all over the world who have been passing acquaintances in your life.

In the past two weeks or so I have embarked on an invitation spree and have quadrupled my number of friends. I have found at least two friends I haven’t seen since high school. I have reconnected with friends who no longer live in Jamaica. I was able to send wishes to another friend when I “discovered” her birthday on her Facebook profile. I have connected two friends, previously unknown to each other, who share a passionate interest in the same cause. I even found a young woman, now married with 2 children, who I last saw as a 5 year old when I was her kindergarten teacher! Best of all, it is a fun activity to do with my children – they are fascinated with my new Facebook-fan status, delighting in introducing me to the features, seeing who my friends are, and groaning at my boring, age-revealing posts! I have surpassed my son with friends, and now have a race with my daughter! Determined to surpass her in number of friends, I have issued the ultimate threat – I will invite all her friends to be my friends! LOL!

Each morning I eagerly open my Inbox to see who has accepted my invitation to be my friend, and who has invited me to be their friend. One particular morning however, I received this response “Do not ever contact me again”. I was shocked, dismayed, devastated even. This one rejection is threatening to outweigh the over 200 acceptances I have received. What had I ever done to this person to elicit such a response? Frankly, I have no clue. What is really bothering me now is why this one response is bothering me so. Why is it, that one week later, it is still on my mind? How I have been pondering this!

All of us want to be accepted socially. Humans are social animals who need the company of each other. This has been so from campfire days, and is so now that we gather at the Internet campfires. No matter how hard we try, we need people. There seems to be an innate desire to be accepted, and when this doesn’t happen we feel it very deeply. Being accepted by others is a way to validate ourselves.

If we think about it though, why do we need validation by others? For surely, it is enough to know ourselves - if we truly know ourselves. And that is the real problem. We don’t know ourselves. We are still struggling to find our true essence. Until that happens, then we need others to validate us and tell us that we are OK. Of course, this makes very little sense. For just as we are seeking to find ourselves, others are seeking to find themselves. They are in no better position than we are to validate us – for they can’t even validate themselves! Following this logic, being accepted by others really says very little about our worth. All that being accepted by others means is that they see something in us that resonates with whatever self they are currently experiencing – which may or may not be their true self.

The best thing for us is to accept and value ourselves just as we are. Then, we can come to relationships, even ones as simple as on Facebook, from a place of our own worth. We will truly be extending the hand of friendship – with no attachments, requests, holding on or needing.

In this spirit, I have now come to terms with the “rejection” message. It is a great learning experience for me. I continue to be a raving fan of Facebook. Indeed, this experience has made me bolder in inviting friends, as I have released attachment to the outcome. For I know that whether someone accepts me or not as their friend really has very little to do with me – it’s all about them! See you on Facebook!

Marguerite gets S. Florida Free and Laughing!

2008-06-20T15:15:00.003-05:00

Click on the link to get a report on the South Florida launch of Free and Laughing on Saturday June 14! It was a JOY!

Much gratitude to all who made it happen with ease and grace - Dahlia, Glen, Melody, Joni, Leslie, Valerie, the media - and my team back in JA - Robert, Ulla, Sharon, Camille, Elaine, Leonard, Willard - and of course, my dear sister Carole! You are such blessings to the world!

Love and blessings

Marguerite

Stress-free and laughing

2008-06-20T05:50:00.003-05:00

I was asked to be a guest on a radio program last night to discuss the topic of stress.

Earlier in the day, I had invited Denise, a friend visiting from Florida, to join me at yoga class and then for coffee, or more appropriately herbal tea, after. It was a beautiful class, one that put me in a mellow mood, where all is right in the world and my life. As we arranged to meet after class, I decided to invite Denise to my home to share a pot of soup we had cooked that day from a pumpkin reaped from my garden.

We sat on my patio relaxed, enjoying the aftermoments of the soup just imbibed, and our amiable chatter. Suddenly I stopped midsentence, hands flying to my forehead and gasped: “Oh my gosh! I am supposed to be on a radio programme at 9.00 o'clock tonight!” Glancing at my watch, I realised that I had 40 minutes to bid my friend goodbye, shower, explain this sudden turn of events to my children, drive to and arrive at the station and be in studio – stress free!

I started to laugh. I laughed as I related to Denise what had happened! I laughed as I bade my children this unexpected goodbye. I laughed as I called my sister to relate the story. I laughed as I related the incident to the host and the other guest, who, funnily enough, had had the same experience!

And in the laughing, I became present and released all negatives and stress. There was no time spent wondering how could I have forgotten, feeling guilty, worrying about whether I would make it on time. There was no beating up of myself, no anger, no guilt. I was in a place of presence, accepting that I had forgotten, being grateful that I had remembered in time and simply moving into action of getting to the station – free and laughing!

My Father’s Gifts

2008-06-17T06:55:00.001-05:00

Visiting Florida this weekend to launch my book “Free and Laughing” I was invited to read at the Father’s Day Service of the Holy Family Episcopal Church. Deciding what to read for this special occasion was a challenge, for there is very little mention in my book of father, fatherhood – or my father.

In his message, Father Lee spoke of our relationships with our fathers – our earthly fathers and our heavenly Father. As I listened to his message I reflected on my relationship with my own father. Reading “Mother’s Gifts” from my book poignantly brought up for me the everlasting, invaluable gifts he gave me.

My father gave me my quest for excellence. A Virgoan, he always strived for perfection, sometimes in the most maddening way for the rest of us! Every detail had to be calculated and attended to. The world stopped while Daddy perfected. All had to wait while he created, fiddled, fixed to absolute perfection. I remember once helping him to measure something. “It’s about four feet and three quarter inches” I said. “It can’t be about” he sternly stated “it must be exact”. I observe this quest for perfection manifesting in me as a drive for excellence – to always do my best, to always be the best I can be, to always analyse, examine, reflect on and seek feedback that will help me to be even better. I see it also in my siblings, and recognise it as the legacy of our father.

Daddy also gave me his eye for beauty. He was an avid amateur photographer, a stalwart of the Colour Photographic Club, his camera always present and ready to capture the beauty of the moment. He loved nature photography, and revealed the secrets of flowers and plants to us in intimate, intricate detail. He would look at a flower, a plant, a landscape and capture the joy in that moment, helping us to look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps Mummy gave me the gift of being “free and laughing” but Daddy gave me the ability to recognise the joy and beauty in “everyday moments”!

I learned about womanhood from Daddy. He and Mummy worked together in their business. From this I got the value of partnership, of a woman being equal and up to the task of working outside the home. He defined my independence for me in an incident which I have never forgotten. I was going out on a date, and he noted that I had no handbag or purse. “Where is your money” he asked. I told him that I had none as I wasn’t taking a purse. “Well put it in your bra then; suppose you have to take a taxi home – you need your own money”. Lesson well learnt – as a woman, always have my own means of independence!

Perhaps my greatest lesson is one of acceptance. I learned from him that people express their love in different ways. My father was a present father – home every night, at every birthday party, school recital and sports day. His support was unwavering. A man of few words, indeed quite emotionally uncommunicative, this is how he expressed his love and pride in us – by being present in the big moments and the little. When he passed, many of our friends confessed to being jealous of us as they observed his unwavering, loving support in his presence.

I gave thanks for my father on this Father’s Day in a very special way – for the gifts that only he could give. They remain with me today, as who I am and live on as the gifts I will pass on to my own children.

Mothering My Mother

2008-05-30T20:15:00.001-05:00

“I am her primary caregiver” my sister Carole announced to me a few months ago in the most authoritative manner I have ever heard from her. Carole willingly and lovingly undertook caring for Mummy in the final weeks of her visit with us on this plane. This is the only journal entry my sister Carole made during this time.

May 6, 2008

Mothering my Mother

As Mothers’ Day 2008 approaches, I ponder the meaning of Motherhood. Having stopped being a retailer of greeting cards and gifts 6 years ago, I let go of the hustle and bustle of the day’s celebration. While retailing (some 12 years), I was too busy to pay attention to the celebration. My family always knew that I was too distracted by sales to truly celebrate my mother and being a mother. We managed and my family is quite functional without the brouhaha.

But tonight I mothered my mother. And it was and is an extraordinary experience. I fell asleep in the evening and practically passed out. Yet I awoke and had an agitation that I could not understand. Mummy’s caregiver, Cynthia called me at 11:15 p.m. and told me that Mummy was asking for me. I immediately went over and she was awake, as if waiting for me. Just as my child. She drank Lucozade and accepted crackers from my hands and asked me to stay till she fell asleep. I gently caressed her cheek. I stroked her arm. I adjusted her sleeping position to ensure she was comfortable to accept the abyss of comforting sleep. She didn’t want to sleep until I came, which reminded me of my own daughter’s nightly call to come and tuck her in, and my son’s requirement of a kiss at bedtime.

That my Mother accepts that I now mother her is incredible to me. I am her baby. Yet she and I now accept that I will care for her as she cared for me as a babe in arms – hugging her to clean up, making her comfortable, speaking gentle words and sometimes instructing wholesome thoughts, nurturing her where she is, tending to her needs, encouraging her to just be in the moment, to eat up and to drink lots of fluids – just a spoonful or sip more.

I am reminded that everything she gave me as my Mother, I had to practice as a mother to my children and this practice has now come full circle to mothering my Mother. It is beautiful to know and accept our new roles – I feel and know her acceptance and it is empowering to me to know that I got it all from her – my beautiful Mother, and my Mother God. When exhausted from all this mothering, I ask myself how can I go on doing all this – mothering my children and also now my mother. I make the same decisions for her that I do for my children’s well-being and I believe she has trained me well. She is happy when I inform her of my decisions about her well-being and care and she is confident in me. I see this in my children – that Trust, that Mummy knows everything, but in reality it is that Mummy knows God.

That is the difference – my mother has experienced it all and from all her experience, knowing that she has guided me well, she trusts me implicitly with her care. My children came to me knowing “blindly” that somehow they could trust my love and care.

Trust – love – care… these are all of God and give thanks that I can experience all this in my life.

And that trusting love comes from knowing the Truth - that all is God and God is within us and everywhere to guide us to greater knowing of life, love and light. I give thanks tonight for the Religious Science, Rev Elma and Rev John – who I lovingly call The Blessed and The Beloved. I give thanks for their intrinsic support which enables me to mother my mother, allows my mother to be mothered by her baby and still support me in mothering my children.

I give glorious thanks to God for everything

Loss

2008-05-29T09:25:00.001-05:00

My mother passed from this earthly plane two weeks ago. Hers was a conscious process of transitioning, as she shed the baggage of this and other lifetimes, clearly determined to leave this plane light – and free.

I am observing the language and rituals of death and musing on what they really mean. For example, so many people have said to me “Sorry for your loss”. They seem quite perplexed at my own perplexed stare, behind which is my silent “Loss? What loss?” For if we truly believe in eternal life, how can the onward journey of those we love be a loss? How can her spirit, which I feel with me and part of me all the time, be considered lost?

Her final gift to me was to demonstrate beyond any doubt that we are moving on to a joyous place. She was happy, indeed impatient, to get going on this new journey. She was like a child, who on a trip to some wonderful place, is packed and ready before everyone else, and who constantly, excitedly and impatiently asks “Can we go now?” “Relax and be patient Mummy” I would say to her, as I have said so many times to my own children, and as she said to me when I was a child.

Yet, as I adjust to a new phase of my life without her physical presence (what we siblings now term the “new normal”), I am reminded that this was not her final lesson at all. For I continue to receive guidance and wisdom from her: when I ask myself “What would Mummy say or do”; in the sharing of what she meant in other people’s lives; in the stories and anecdotes many of which are new to me; in the new insights I am having about memories long forgotten, but now revived. My mom gave me so many things. She gave me lessons in her words and deeds. She gave me memories. She gave me life. These things are still and will always be with me.

And was it not my dear mother who would say to me so many times “Nothing is ever lost; everything is in its divinely ordered place?” Everything and everyone is in its divinely ordered place. My mother is in her divinely ordered place. There is no loss when we know that life is eternal. Once we believe this, there is no loss in death – only the temporary, seeming absence on one plane. But the presence on all planes abides.

Calabash Continued

2008-05-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

I read at Calabash this past weekend. For two minutes, I had the stage, sharing my words from “Free and Laughing”. It was amazing experience, standing there with the beautiful Calabash Bay in the background, the soft sea breeze gently fluttering the tail of my skirt. Every now and then I would glance at the sea that was the audience, to see eyes transfixed and focused on my every word. It was a beautiful two minutes, two minutes that were a lifetime, so perfect were they. How interesting, I mused, that last year my being a published author was still an idea germinating on my New Year intention list! The thought of my reading at Calabash this year, or ever, had not yet been born.

My friends asked me after the reading “What next?” I told them I didn’t know. For in not knowing, I open myself to infinite possibilities, to un-thought-of, unseen, unheard-of options and yet-to-be-revealed opportunities . When I don’t know, then I am free to be in the moment. I am free to anything that comes up in the next moment!

So, what do I know? Am I living my life in an endless moment of not knowing anything? Does that lead to waywardness, insecurity, indecision? Not at all. For this I do know - I am passionate about living my life in the moment, in a free and laughing way, and I am committed to sharing this way of being with others. How that will unfold – I don’t know. I leave that to the moment.

4-Hour Work Week

2008-05-06T05:36:00.001-05:00

For the past week I have been engrossed in a book entitled “The 4-hour Workweek” authored by Tim Ferris. A friend had lent me the audiobook a few months ago with the admonition “Marguerite, you MUST listen to this”. I excitedly claimed it with the intention of immediately following his sage advice. That was months ago.

Last Wednesday, while searching for some music CDs, I came upon the dustcovered, cobwebbed audiobook. This I took to be a serious sign from the Universe, for just that morning I had had one of those intimate, self-deprecating conversations with myself: “Marguerite, something in your life has got to give! You cannot continue to work this hard!” The Universe had indeed done its work!

I listen to the audiobook while driving. I find that I cannot wait to get into the car to continue the learning. On reaching my destination, I inevitably sit for awhile, too riveted to switch off the ignition and the sound. I greet lines of traffic with joy – more time to listen to the book! I play the audio for my children whenever they are in the car, for I want them to be exposed from now to the idea that there is an alternative to a 40 hour workweek, or an 80 hour workweek – which is what they have grown up being accustomed to seeing me do. I want them to be open to the idea that life is not just “work hard and die” but about working purposefully, efficiently, effectively – and having time, lots of it, for fun, freedom and growth. I do the first part of the equation, for I really do love my work. But it consumes so much of my time that extended time off for other pursuits has seemed difficult at best, and impossible at worst – until now.

The main tenet of the book is that throughout our life, we should take mini-retirements to do the things that we have planned for our final retirement after 40 or so years of hard work. We all have a retirement wishlist – travel, learning something new, cooling out on a beach, reading – but it’s a deferred wishlist, one that for most of us will not actually happen. For by the time we reach that age (and many don’t), we are likely to lack the energy, vitality and the financial resources to do so. Tim Ferris, who has been doing this since his 20s, goes into intricate detail on how to do this. It is fascinating. Do even 1% of what he is suggesting, and your life will be vastly different. I know – I am doing it. I absorbed and immediately implemented his chapter on managing information. Today, for the first time ever, I am ½ hour early for my 8.30 a.m. meeting – and the children were on time for school!

I have been telling everybody about this book, and noticing their reactions. Most people can’t even handle the first hurdle “FOUR hour workweek? Are you sure he didn’t drop off a zero?” or “I would love that, but my particular situation just wouldn’t allow it” This type of response immediately cuts off any possibility of even 1 hour less of work per week. They believe it is impossible, and are not willing to let go of that belief – and so, it IS impossible – for THEM.

At first, I would try to convince them that it is possible. Actually, I was trying to convince them just to read the book. After a few such responses, I gave up, realising that the only person I need to convince is ME! I know it’s possible. Tim Ferris is doing it. And if one human being has ever done something, then all of us can. For we are all made of the same stuff with the same unlimited, unbound and undefined potential.

Check out the book. Or at least think, even for a moment, what your life would be like if you only worked 4 hours per week!

Dealing or healing?

2008-04-29T04:20:00.001-05:00

“How are you” my yoga teacher asked last night as I arrived for class. She knows of a particular challenge I have been having recently with my left wrist. “Fine” I responded “Except I am still dealing with my wrist”. She quipped “Not dealing: healing”.

What a difference a letter makes! From “d” to “h”: the moment she said “healing”, I had a mental shift from seeing my wrist as a problem which I had to solve, to seeing it as already in the process of healing and being whole. I saw, and continue to see, my wrist as perfect. There was nothing to deal with, just healing to accept.

So often we look at our problems and believe that we must deal with them. In a state of dealing, we focus on the issue and believe that the solution is up to us. Of course, what we focus on, we inevitably attract more of. So, it is no wonder that we are constantly having to deal with whatever we consider we are dealing with. “Dealing” thoughts will inevitably create dealing experiences. When I am dealing with my wrist, my wrist complies by constantly presenting me with a problem (pain) for me to deal with.

When I am in a state of healing, it is a totally different paradigm. Now I am focused on wholeness and health. And my wrist responds with less (or no) pain and discomfort, which has been my experience during and since the yoga class.

Our words are never “just semantics” – they are powerful expressions of our mental state, and determinants of our individual reality. Being observant and aware of our words is a way to become aware of our thoughts and therefore, the true cause of our experiences. Once we are present to our thoughts, we are in a position to change them, and thus change our experiences.

Today, I am healing rather than dealing – not just my wrist, but my entire life!

Ann

2008-04-23T06:12:00.001-05:00

Today is Ann’s birthday. We have been friends since we met in kindergarten at 3 years old – almost 50 years ago! She was my first friend, and has remained a dear and treasured sister through the years.

Ann and I played our way through childhood – climbing trees, exploring gullies, gorging on the mangoes, tamarinds and plums that bore profusely in our yards, rearing puppies, riding horses. My memories are of being outside all the time – I cannot conjure a memory of Ann inside a house. Her free spirit, the bane of her mother, soared, and I and my sister soared with her. There are few childhood memories without Ann. We attended the same school and lived in the same neighbourhood. It was total, unbounded joy when Ann came to live two doors from us. Then, life became an endless spell of being at one or the other’s homes or somewhere in between.

Our paths diverged in our teens – she started motherhood early, while I took the academic path. Years passed – many when we did not see each other at all. Our mothers became fast friends, and we were kept current on each other’s lives through them. “I saw Auntie Mo today and she told me that Ann …” my mother would say, and that was enough to make me know that all was well with her. Yet all of this matters not. For when Ann and I meet, rarely as human time goes, we are immediately ensconced in our cocoon of friendship. It is the same love and acceptance of each other as came forth when we connected in kindergarten as three year olds. There is total acceptance of each other. We accept the busy-ness of each other’s lives, the different paths we each have taken. We also accept how much we love each other, our differences, our similarities, our uniqueness.

At my mother’s 90th birthday celebration when she acknowledged Enid, her friend of almost 80 years, I whispered to Ann “That’s us!” I know that we are forever friends, always an integral part of each other’s lives, and of who we are today.

Would that all our relationships are like this – unconditional love and acceptance, no demands, no recriminations, joy on meeting, joy in memories and gratitude for having each other in our lives! Free and laughing friendship!

Melange

2008-04-16T20:00:00.002-05:00

I was present last night to the most delightful dining experience. I am in Trinidad and my son Marc who now lives there, and I were meeting for dinner. As Marc drove through the streets of Port-of Spain, I asked “Where are we going?” “I don’t know” he responded. Yet he drove with a sense of certainty as if he knew exactly where he was headed. We made our way along Ariapita Avenue, or “restaurant row” as I call it, in recognition of the myriad of dining establishments that have sprung up there in recent years, reflecting the buoyancy of the Trinidad economy.

Marc pointed to two restaurants - an Italian and one called “Melange”. As we neared, trying to decide between the two, a parking space right in front of Melange magically appeared as if by divine decree. The Universe was very, very clear about where we were to dine! And that was the beginning.

We were greeted at the entrance by stately Mario, who took extra care to ensure that we were seated to our total comfort and satisfaction. Then Gillian emerged. “Is it a special occasion?” she asked. Marc and I responded in unison that indeed it was – a mother/son reunion after not seeing each other for 3 months. And having declared it a special occasion, it indeed was so.

The menu reflected the name of the restaurant – an extensive melange of cuisines with a range of choices for every possible culinary habit, each of which Gillian passionately detailed. My meal was divine – from the fluffy spinach patties and melt-in-the-mouth buttery garlic bread, on to the smooth lobster and pumpkin bisque, then the rich, creamy penne pasta florentine, to the richly brewed espresso and sweet sherry at the end. Marc raved equally about his selections. The service left nothing to be desired – lovingly attentive yet unobtrusive, with frequent checks to make sure that everything was to our total satisfaction.

Moses, the owner and chef, emerged from the kitchen to greet us at the conclusion of our meal. A quiet, genteel man who obviously LOVES what he does. It shows – in the décor, the menu, the carefully chosen and well trained staff, the artistic presentation of every aspect of the meal. We joked with him – “Moses, leading his people out of bondage”. On reflection, we realised that we are indeed in bondage – the bondage of fast, mass produced junk food, of poor service, of work done without love. Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet “Work is love made visible”. Moses, Gillian, Mario and their team made love visible in their work at Melange last night.

The beginning of the end?

2008-03-29T08:47:00.001-05:00

Many people are in despair about what is happening in the world today – war, civil conflicts, rebelliousness of the youth, disease, drug abuse, slavery, poverty! Some see an acceleration and intensifying of these afflictions, predicting that the end is nigh. “What’s happening in the world today” people sigh, unsure as to whether we are truly witnessing the beginning of the end.

If we peer into the history of man, we realise that these afflictions have been present for eons. Anthropologists piece together and bring meaning to our past, revealing horrifying and devastating consequences of “man’s inhumanity to man’ and of nature’s seeming fury. Wars that lasted years, even decades, when millions of lives were lost seemed to have been commonplace on all continents. We recall the opium wars in China and recognise that drug use and abuse is not a modern phenomena. Not to mention the tales of pirates and marauders on murderous, drunken rampages which reminds us that alcohol addiction and abuse are not new! The plague, smallpox, even influenza – the list of diseases and their devastating impact is lengthy. Whole societies were wiped out either by disease or deliberately by violence. Slavery and near-slavery were accepted as normal. And sexual abuse and exploitation have been with us for as long as the “oldest profession” has existed. Seems like the good old days that we hark back to, if we really face the truth, were not so good after all!

As I reflected on the meaning of Easter – the idea of resurrection and rebirth - it occurred to me that perhaps we ARE seeing the beginning of the end! And I am happy for I like to think that at last these terrible things are coming to an end. Why do I think so? For surely the evidence is there for all to see – Afghanistan, Iraq, Darfur, urban gang warfare, crack and cocaine addiction, HIV/AIDS, human trafficking, etc. Yes, these things exist - that I do not deny. What I wonder about is whether they are on the rise, or whether there is a higher level of awareness. Thanks to technology, violent clashes between Chinese military and Tibetan citizens can be filmed by a tourist using a cell phone and within hours, is seen by millions on global television and the Internet. I still remember seeing the second plane flying into the World Trade Center as it happened, as did millions of people on 9/11. We all felt the pain seeing it actually unfolding before our eyes – we were there. There is no denying that it happened, as some were able to do for awhile with the Holocaust. This brings hope – for by being aware we make the first step to coming out of our race denial.

We are at the beginning of something exciting – recognising our connection to each other and to all beings on earth, and to the earth itself. We are recognising that “everything is everything” – a popular saying in Jamaica. Witness the concern over the plight of the polar bears. We see them wasting away as their habitat melts. This could not have happened previously. We would have just received reports years later that the polar bear is now extinct. Seeing them in their changing habit has brought home to us the reality of global warming – it is happening, and faster than we think contrary to the stated beliefs of as high an office as the President of the United States.

What initially got me thinking about this is the 10-week webinar hosted by Oprah and Eckhart Tolle on the latter’s book “A New Earth”. I am still plodding through it and am behind on the classes. But I am just amazed that over 700,000 people all over the world could be engaged in a discussion of a different way of being human at the same moment in time.

It really is the beginning of an exciting new world! I am hopeful that it is the rebirth of humans who recognise our oneness. It is the rebirth of humans who can think, feel and act for themselves, of their own volition. It is the rebirth of humans who need no intermediaries – who recognise their direct connection with Spirit. It is an amazing time to be on this planet – the beginning of the end. For the end is always a beginning!

Releasing the flu

2008-03-18T01:23:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday, I felt an itching in my throat that signalled the beginning of the flu. Interestingly, I had taken my children to the doctor days before. On leaving his office, he cautioned me to be careful, to take care of myself, as it could be my turn next. That seed sown, within a few days, it started to sprout. By Thursday morning, I was a weary bundle of coughs, sneezes, sniffles, snuffles and watery eyes.

HA! I thought – no problem. I will soon banish this flu from my body and life, for I believe that we have dominion over our bodies and that we can create and discreate any condition in the physical realm. That’s the theory. Now to the practice. The first step was to notice myself - thoughts, words, feelings and actions. And here is what I found:

I was happy to have an excuse not to do things. When my daughter asked me to prepare something for her, I so easily could say “Not now Victoria, I am not feeling well”. When Shane asked if his friend could sleep over, my reply “Not tonight Shane, I am not feeling well at all” was sufficient. That was the end of the discussion. They quickly accepted, when there might otherwise have been protestations and pleading. Life as a mom was certainly a lot simpler.

I was happy with the attention. A bout of coughing or fit of sneezing was met with concerned looks and admonitions to take care of myself. On Saturday night after I crawled into bed in a half-daze, I awoke to Victoria holding the inhaler to my nostrils and then rubbing my feet with Vicks and putting my socks on! How delicious being sick is, I thought, as I burrowed into my comforter and floated off to sleep.

I struggled with what to say when people asked “How are you?” To state “fine” in a voice struggling to emerge from coughing fits and sniffles, was to tell an obvious lie. Or was it? Further explanation in the form of “I am fighting the flu” stuck in my throat. For as I started to think it, I realised that what I fight, I actually attract. So, I resorted to “I am releasing the flu”. That too did not sit well with me, for I thought, if I am in the process of releasing, could I still be holding on to it?

OH! This consciousness thing is really quite something! It is not easy. It requires constant awareness and vigilance. It is not just about noticing though – it is also about making choices – what do I think, say or feel instead of what I used to think, say or feel?

Last evening as I walked into my yoga class I started coughing. My yoga teacher noticed and said sympathetically “You are not well?” “I am perfect” I responded. And do you know, I went through the entire class without coughing or sneezing?

Obamania

2008-03-04T09:54:00.001-05:00

I am quietly bemused by the current Obamania (mania over Barack Obama) running rife. Recently, I have been privy to a number of small groups of conversants in Jamaica endorsing Obama – “I like him” - and extolling the virtues of his stated policies, his charisma and his simple likeability. These are serious conversations, with the participants sharing great knowledge of his and his opponent’s positions, virtues, failings, background, experience and history. Clearly, they have spent many an hour glued to the American television networks! I note that the conversations are peppered with “we” and “I support” and “my choice is” and “I prefer” as if the participants are United States citizens who will be voting. Indeed, most of the conversations I have heard have been among non-US citizens, who have no vote in November, and who have no influence on the outcome.

Or do they?

For it occurs to me that the act of voting is a focusing of energy for a particular outcome – in this case the election of the President of the United States. How different is that from focusing our mental energy on the same outcome but without the action of voting? Could it have the same result? Could we here in Jamaica and indeed elsewhere in the world, simply by focusing our thoughts on an outcome actually affect the outcome? Of COURSE! We do that every day! We know that our thoughts are most powerful. When backed by conviction and belief, they literally move mountains, stop hurricanes, quell fires, heal illness, create massive wealth and any other thing that we choose to think.

And that is the lesson – yes, focus our thoughts on the type of leadership that Obama seems to represent (or whoever you choose to focus your thoughts on). But more importantly, when the election is over, let us remember to lead our own lives. For no matter who is President of the United States, or Prime Minister of Jamaica, it is up to each of us to choose the life we want to live. It is up to us to choose to express ourselves and live our lives with magnificence, grace, grandeur, humility and love. That is Obama's message - "You can do it". Yes, we each individually can. And that has nothing to do with politics.

"I Know"

2008-02-28T06:41:00.001-05:00

Months ago I viewed the movie “The Secret” with great expectation as I had heard so much about it. I awaited the revelation of this thing that had been hidden for millennia and that would magically change my life. When it was finally revealed, my response was: “That’s it? I already know that”. Indeed, I tuned out during the rest of the movie and drifted in and out of distanced sleep. Since then, whenever conversations raving about “The Secret” have come my way, I have been dismissive and even blasé. “I know that” said I with great certainty, having studied the principles of Science of Mind for many years, read numerous books and attended many a self-development workshop.

Recently however, in the past two weeks two friends have mentioned to me how much their reading of “The Secret” had changed their lives. One magically lost weight and the other significantly improved her finances – both areas in which I desire significant and lasting results. Now, when things happen like this – two friends telling me about the same thing in a short time period, I figure the Universe is telling me something. And I have learned to listen. So I hurriedly retrieved the copy of the book I had given my mother and started to read. I could not put it down! There was so much in that book that I knew, yet did not know! I literally sped-read through the book, so eager was I to get as much as I could in as short a time as possible. The book is now permanently housed on my bedside table, and I read it every day. My life has already started to shift as I absorb and apply this new knowledge.

And as I do so, it occurs to me how dangerous the words “I know” are. For what did I really know about the secret? Did I know everything there is to know about it? Did I know the perspectives of all the experts on the Law of Attraction (which is the secret), which has been practiced for eons? Did I know every single miracle that the practice of the secret has produced? Indeed, I knew very, very little – an infinitesimal drop in the vast ocean of knowledge. Yet, so quick was I to say “I know” and thus cut off further exploration, discovery and knowing. In so doing, I also cut off new, grander and more magnificent results in my life.

This experience has taught me that I know nothing. What does it matter what I know? I only think I know. I may have a few facts about something, but I can never know the totality of the thing. I will always know only a part – and it is impossible for me to know how large or small a part until I know the whole. How will I know when I know everything? It’s actually impossible. So perhaps the safest thing is to say that I know NOTHING. Once I acknowledge that, then I am now open to explore the world of infinity – where there is no end to knowledge and learning. Once I say “I know” I limit my learning and therefore my growth. My growth and enlightenment depends on my being able to maintain a mind that is open, enquiring and learning – a mind that doesn’t know.

Everday

2008-02-13T23:18:00.000-05:00

“There’s a typo on the cover” my brother said as he held up the copy of my book that I had just presented him for his birthday.

“What?” yelled my sister and I simultaneously, and in total disbelief. We both grabbed for the book – and sure enough, there was the typo “Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everday Moments”. And not only was the typo on the cover, it was also on the spine and the inner page!

How could this have happened? I had looked at that cover so many times, as had my sister, the book designer and so many others! In true free and laughing spirit, my family laughingly went into a discussion about the word “everday”. We decided that since language is always evolving, why not create a new word? In the context of the book, an “everday” would be a day that is so wonderfully perfect, when time stands still, when one is present to the glory of the day. An “everday” moment would be a moment that is so magnificent that it feels like a whole day (or longer). Which is the point of the book – when we are present to the moment, then the moment is all that is and we can see its true wonder and beauty.

I am now going into the second printing of the book (yes, already!) and I have a major decision to make – do I keep “EVERDAY”? For when things like this happen – a typo 3 times! – I always wonder if there is some message being sent to me, some inner, hidden voice from telling me something.

As I reflect on this, I have two questions for you, my dear reader:

1. What does “everday” mean to you?
2. Do you think I should keep the typo when I reprint?

Homework

2008-02-12T05:54:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my 8 year old niece Yeshema came to the office after school. I heard her mother reminding her to do her homework. Shortly after she came to my office door and said “Look Auntie Marguerite” holding up a sign she had made for her mother’s desk. I admired it and asked her to make one for me, which she lovingly did and taped on the door to my office.

As I looked at the sign, and recall Yeshema's face beaming pride and love, I wondered - what really was the homework? Her little act of joyous love made me know that it is this – to show love for those near and dear to us. Yeshema brought a moment of love to her mother and aunt, and to all who enter the office and see the signs. That is the homework of life – to bring love! The other homework is to be open to and receive love!

2000 and love

2008-01-17T05:36:00.001-05:00

There is a beautiful sentiment circulating around Jamaica now – people are referring to this year as 2000 and love (rather than 2008 or 2000 and hate)! It is beautiful because it creates a shift in energy. Just saying the phrase gets the energy moving in a different way. I notice that when people have shared the thought there are inevitably smiles all round. You can actually feel the energy lift, and hear a buzz of good vibes.

What would our world be like if we were living in 2000 and love rather than 2000 and hate? Can we even imagine such a thing? Actually, just by saying it, we have started to create it. We can make this even more powerful by creating a vision of our world as a world of love. What would such a world look like? What would our own experiences look and feel like? Describing this in detail, and holding this vision is the first step.

What do I mean by “holding the vision”? It means that we BELIEVE and KNOW that this vision of love is possible. It is believing that despite all appearances of 2000 and hate, our reality is 2000 and love. For when we hold this vision, we create the necessary shift in energy to that on which we are focusing – love. And what we focus on, we create more of. Then, just by saying the phrase over and over again, and by sharing it with others we can accelerate the energy shift. For every time we say the phrase, we will be invoking the power of our vision.

Now, who is to do this and where does it start? It starts with the individual, with me, with you. We do not have to wait for a national day of 2000 and love; we do not have to wait for the “leaders” to commit; we do not have to wait for anyone – 2000 and love starts with each and every one of us. Each of us individually has the power to move energy, to shift the world from hate to love. For when we move, the whole world moves. 2000 and love is the year for us to make a mark, take a stand and to think, speak, feel and be love.

Happy 2000 and love!

Back to normal

2008-01-03T22:35:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, January 2, was “back to normal”. This is the day that signifies that the holidays are over. It is the day when the reality of our normal routine hits. We return to work, we start exercising again, we try to get our finances in some state of order, knowing that January will be a ‘tight’ month with bills of Christmas now coming due. It is the day when we start getting the children ready to go back to school, when they “wind down” from the festivities and panoply of gifts. It is a time of paying for the past – working off the extra pounds gained, paying off debts incurred. It is the day when we start our “normal” lives all over again.

What IS normal? Is this what our normal life is like? Is this what we WANT normal to look like?

Shouldn’t normal be languorous time spent with family and friends? The special care we take with planning, preparing and serving meals? The extra special wine we carefully choose to go with the meal? Shouldn’t it be the love with which we select and give our gifts? Or the time we spend sleeping a little later than usual – or just taking a few moments in bed to greet the beautiful day? The phone calls we make and e-mail we send to folks with whom we have not connected for awhile? No, these things are not normal, for these are not the things we are going “back” to. These are the things we consider abnormal. Most of them have little or no part of our normal lives. And yet we love these moments so. These are the moments that bring sighs of joy, squeals of delight, and sounds of relish – the stuff of which memories are made. These are the moments that long after they have passed, remain with us as beautiful memories. These are our present moments – our true gifts!

Why aren’t these things considered normal? Simply because we don’t view them so. We just don’t believe that we could live this way. “Get real” we are told. Since the New Year is also a time of making new resolutions, could this be an opportunity to redefine “normal”? Perhaps we could start to view these special moments as normal, not abnormal. In so doing, we would begin a process of changing the way we live, so that January 2 of each year would be a continuation of our normal life of love, connection and joy.

Grandma is a diva!

2007-12-29T18:15:00.000-05:00

With preparations for my mother’s birthday party in full swing yesterday, my daughter Victoria, taking note of all the attention being lavished on the occasion, declared “Grandma is a real diva”. I agreed wholeheartedly with her, and pointed out that grandma deserved to be so. This came back to me when I was reading the thank you speech that Mummy wrote for her party. She acknowledged a long list of “caregivers” – doctor, housekeeper, night carer, manicurist, hairdresser, masseuse, Tai Chi teacher, spiritual guide, drivers – all with their various duties to perform to keep Daisy hale and hearty at 90! “Team Daisy” I term them.

As I mused on Grandma’s newly titled status, I pondered on the meaning of this word “diva”. A diva is a very talented female performer, usually of the operatic milieu. Over the years, the term has come to be associated with behaviour that is seen as demanding and tempestuous, sometimes unbearingly so. Divaness is often met with rolled eyes and barely veiled tolerance. While the talent is recognised and celebrated, the imperial behaviour leaves much to be desired. Nowadays, the term is even more commonly used to refer to any female, talent or not, who displays such behaviour.

As I pondered Victoria’s comment, and my own bemused response, I wondered about the applicability of this term to Grandma! A grand female singer she is not, and she is certainly not tempestuous nor demanding. So I consulted the trusty dictionary and found that the Latin meaning of “diva” is “goddess", the word being the feminine of “divus” or “divine”.

Ah! That’s it! Grandma is a goddess! Grandma is divine! That’s what Victoria was seeing; that’s what her “team Daisy” pampers and cares for everyday; and that’s what her family and friends celebrated at her party last night and into the wee hours of this morning, her 90th birthday! Yes Victoria, Grandma really is a diva – as she deserves to be!

Free and Laughing - the book!

2007-12-28T08:43:00.000-05:00

If you love the blogs, you will love the book "Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments" by me, Marguerite Orane.

I published this book as a 90th birthday gift for my mother Daisy.

"Free and Laughing" is now available in Jamaica at:
Chronicles in Manor Park
Liguanea Drug and Garden, C-Mart in Liguanea Plaza
Craft Cottage
Shakti Yoga
Afya Yoga
Bolivar Gallery

Soon to be available in major bookstores islandwide and on Amazon!

Have a free and laughing day

Marguerite