Marguerite's Musings

Change

2009-08-23T09:03:00.003-05:00

Dear all,

My blog is now located at www.freeandlaughing.com . I would love your comments on this new look! Make sure to subscribe so you won't miss a post, and look out for lots of exciting stuff as I move on with the next stage of my life - being free and laughing in Canada!

Be free and laughing always

Marguerite

Thinking rationally - "If A, then .... "

2009-07-30T07:28:00.001-05:00

Over the past few months, my sister and I have been trying to figure out a very puzzling situation. We hash and rehash what has happened over and over again, trying to understand why things have gone the way they have. Almost every conversation about the matter has ended up with “What I don’t understand is ….”.

It occurs to me that we often get caught up in trying to figure out the thought patterns of others in an effort to understand. “So and so is not thinking rationally” we say. Basically though, when we say this, what we are really saying is that they don’t think like us. Our own thought pattern goes like this: “If A, then B”. However, we notice people whose thought pattern seems more like “If A, then X - or F - or 10 - or red” and we just can’t figure it out.. Of course, we assume that our thinking is rational and theirs is not! Quite a judgement.

What we have to accept is that we never will figure out other peoples’ logic. Time spent trying to do so is time that is wasted. We will never figure it out. The only thing to do is to accept people, their thoughts and actions as they are, to accept that that is the way things are. Once we do this, we are free to move on to determining what our own response will be. Now, whenever my sister and I speak about the issue, we stop when we get to “What I don’t understand is” and replace it with “That’s the way it is” and move the discussion to what we are going to do. As a result, we are moving forward rather than being stuck in a never-ending circle of trying to understand others.

Dealing with doubts and fears

2009-07-21T00:01:00.002-05:00

I received this question from a reader of the blog I posted on “I am moving to Canada”:

"This is so inspiring. But suppose you did have some doubts... what would you do with them? I'm not trying to be arch, I am just wondering how you overcome doubts (and fears and anxieties) when you are in the midst of big changes, particularly when things are not in your control"

This is such a good question, for we are all beleaguered by doubts and fears whenever we face change. In our quest for stability and control in our lives, we hold on to what we know and resist what we don’t know or are uncertain about. In holding on, we are under the illusion that we are in control. But we aren’t, for one thing we need to get used to is that the future is a total unknown. No matter how we plan, scheme and schedule, the future is a mystery. There is no one who can tell with certainty what the future holds and how it will unfold. We are never in control, for how can we be in control of something that we don’t know? It is impossible.

Now, you may ask – if the future is uncertain and outside of our control, then why set goals, articulate a vision and even think about designing our lives? Why not just live moment to moment, not thinking at all about what the next moment will bring? Because we do need context for our lives. We need to guide our good, and being clear about what we want to be and how we want our lives to look is fundamental. Yet, we can’t or shouldn’t hold onto this, for our vision is limited by where we are looking from. It’s a big world out there, and we are only looking from a very, very small part of it. So, even in defining our vision we must be mindful and open to bigger and better for our lives. For example, many years ago I penned a very powerful vision for my life at 60. Moving to Canada was not in the plan at all then, yet I can now see that moving to Canada is very important in achieving that vision!

Doubts and fears may serve a useful purpose as they cause us to stop and think about what we are doing, and may indicate if and when we are going off course. But doubts and fears can also hold us back, if we yield to them. Fears and anxieties have arisen throughout my journey to Canada, and will probably arise again. To make sure that they don’t hold me back, I have a few simple but powerful techniques:

1. 1. Affirmations: my favourite is "This too shall pass". It is so powerful in reminding me that nothing is permanent. When I say it I literally feel my body relaxing

2. 2. Gratitude - I find something to give thanks for - I write down or say three things I am grateful for

3. 3. Take action - I focus on something immediate – say, an item from my "to do" list. Whenever I feel that I have too much to do, I just go back to my to do list and do one thing. Action is a great way to deal with fears

4. 4. Laughter – I laugh - for no reason at all

Remember - it's not the situation that's the problem, it's your reaction to it. It’s not the doubts and fears, it’s how we deal with them. Accepting them but taking action regardless is the key to moving forward.

I am moving!

2009-07-17T07:53:00.002-05:00

I am relocating from Jamaica to Canada next month. It is a major move in my life, not just for me, but also my two teenagers. It has been in the works for the past 2 ½ years, and now it is coming to fruition.

I will be blogging my experiences as I navigate this new life. I wonder that I haven’t blogged it before ….. perhaps I was still in a bit of denial about it really happening. Hmmmm ….. something to think about.

What I do know, is how my "free and laughing" approach has helped me to make the move – free and laughing! I am positive, upbeat, courageous, forward-looking. I know without a doubt that this is the right move. And so everything is falling into place nicely. And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best. My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

So, here’s how I have been applying "Free and Laughing".

1. Be present – I know without a doubt that this is the right move. And so everything is falling into place nicely. I am present to things as they occur. And when things don’t seem to be manifesting the way I think they should, I laugh, exhale and affirm the best. My daily mantra is "I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy".

2. Observe – I am very aware of all the changes in my life and the impact it is having on my mental, emotional and physical state. For example, on Wednesday, two days after I returned from a one-week visit to Canada, my hip started to ache really badly. I almost considered not going to my yoga class. Good thing I did (something told me to go), for Donovan, my yoga teacher pointed out that "It’s the move". When I got home I checked Louise Hay’s book "Heal Your Body" and lo and behold – hip problems indicate fear of moving forward. I share her lovely affirmation with you "Hip hip hooray! There is joy in every day. I am balanced and free. I move forward in life with ease and with joy in every age".

3. Release – I have come to terms with releasing my attachment to the things in my home, my home itself, my plants, my books, my dogs and ultimately, Jamaica.

4. Accept – I am now accepting my new home, Canada. For example, when I was there last week, I reveled in the juicy, fresh cherries, not missing mangoes in Jamaica at all! Accepting that Canada will be cold – and that I will make the best of it and learn to ski and snowboard!

5. Trust – what a journey of trusting! Trusting that all is well, even when things seem otherwise. Trusting that my life is unfolding exactly as it should. Trusting that all who I meet are there for my ultimate good. Trusting that I am making the right choices for my children and me.

6. Love – loving every minute, every one and every thing. And loving most of all myself, and knowing that I will bloom wherever I am planted.

I move to Canada with ease, grace and joy. I live my life with ease, grace and joy – wherever I happen to be!

Blakka is free and laughing

2009-07-02T07:49:00.007-05:00

Owen "Blakka" Ellis, a well-known Jamaican comedian, and one of the nicest people you can ever meet, speaks about being "free and laughing" in the Jamaican Star!

Divine Order the morning of Victoria's exam

2009-06-08T07:56:00.005-05:00

This morning my daughter had an examination at 8.00 a.m. This is the one morning when:
1. We all wake up late
2. Shane’s school uniform is not ironed
3. My car has a flat tyre

PANIC!

But, it is also the morning when:
1. I breathe
2. I affirm Divine Order
3. Marlon, the gardener is working today
4. My friend Paula, whose son goes to the same school and who passes my gate each morning, is also running late
5. I call Paula and she picks up the children
6. Marlon changes the tyre
7. My daughter gets to her exam on time
8. I exhale and give thanks for Divine Order - and my faith!

Throughout all this, I observe my children. They are calm and cool, sitting quietly as they wait. I give thanks for their faith.

An embarrassment of mangoes

2009-05-28T06:07:00.003-05:00

My Julie mango tree has been blessing me every day with what a friend laughingly calls an "embarrassment of mangoes". I have never had this tree bear so profusely. These two photos represent one day's reaping – the first lot I gathered in the morning, and the second in the evening. I am not upset anymore when I spot a seemingly perfect, unblemished mango and find that a blackbird has gotten to it first. There is more than enough to share with all. I have become an ambulatory mango basket, giving away mangoes wherever I go – to family, friends, team members at work, garbage collectors and teachers and staff at my children’s school. I also notice a similar embarrassment of mangoes all over Kingston. Everywhere I go I see trees laden, boughs almost touching the ground, more fruit than leaves. Vendors on the sidewalks are surrounded by buckets and tubs piled high with mangoes of all variety, hawking them by the dozen.

Last September Tropical Storm Gustav wreaked havoc on Jamaica. For days it tumbled rain upon us. It brought down my backyard wall and fence. The rains caused landslides, washed away homes, bridges and roads. People lost their lives. But it also pruned the trees, aerated the roots and thoroughly watered and nourished the soil. The results? Bumper crops of otaheite apples, breadfruit, citrus – and now mangoes.

It is the same way in our lives. Things happen to us that are chaotic, disruptive and traumatic. Yet as time passes we come to realise that they created real good in our lives. Have you ever said in wonder "What a good thing so and so happened"? At the time, "so and so" was quite chaotic and painful, yet months or even years later, when we see the growth in ourselves, we recognise that some good resulted because of it. Just to be able to see the good in a situation is a blessing.

Today, look for the blessings in your life. Look at a situation that is painful for you and give thanks for your growth and any good at all that has come from it. This is not to deny the pain, just to accept it and recognise the good. In accepting the mangoes from my tree, I am not at all denying the devastation of Gustav, just giving thanks for the blessings. Give thanks today for the bumper crop of blessings flowing through your life.

"This being human" - Rumi

2009-05-18T08:15:00.003-05:00

I love the poet Rumi. My friend and yoga teacher Donovan introduced me to this poem yesterday. I am still pondering and meditating on it. It is so profound. I love every line. I share it with you today because it is such wisdom for how to joyful lives, accepting the adversities that present themselves and seeing them for what they truly are!

"This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond"

Rumi- translation by Coleman Barks

Follow up to the unfree and unlaughing moment

2009-05-15T05:58:00.002-05:00

So, yesterday morning I turn into a parking lot for a meeting downtown and wait patiently for the security guard to complete his processing of a vehicle exiting the lot. He then approaches my car, and when I say "Good morning. How are you", he replies with "Not as good as you". He then sweetly proceeded to direct me where to park and how to have my parking ticket validated.

When I was leaving, I presented him with the gift of a mango that I had picked from my tree this morning, in gratitude for his welcoming disposition which was so in contrast to my experience yesterday.

What made the difference? Me! Having spent the morning writing my blog and changing my state from unfree and unlaughing to free and laughing, the only experience I could possibly have had was a free and laughing one! And I did! The guard was grateful for the mango, and I was grateful for the experience. Win win.

An unfree and unlaughing moment

2009-05-14T06:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had an unfree and unlaughing moment!

I turned into a parking space at a small shopping plaza. The vehicle beside me was parked badly i.e. on the yellow line, and so I adjusted how I parked in order to give the driver space to enter his car. A security guard began frantically signalling to me, his face contorted with the most sour disposition, to park properly i.e. square within the yellow lines. An abundance of hand signalling, word mouthing and eye rolling followed as he tried to explain what he wanted me to do. I turned down my windows and said "Good morning sir" which usually has the effect of softening the unhappy person. Not this time. He did respond in like words, but retained his very unpleasant disposition. I asked him "Would you like me to park in a certain way"? He railed yes, and I must park properly and what is wrong with people who can’t drive, and on and on and on. Each time I tried to adjust my car, he indicated that it wasn’t perfect. I found myself getting flustered, and even considered just leaving, as the matter I was attending to was not urgent. Meanwhile, the driver of the vehicle that had bad-parked beside me was looking at the whole interlude with the greatest of humour. That made me even more upset as HE was the reason I had not parked properly in the first place!

Finally I parked to the guard’s satisfaction and went about my business. When I returned, he was still carrying on loudly about how "Some people can’t drive they can only steer, etc." clearly aimed at “some people” being me. I was most upset, and just could not bring myself to be free and laughing!

In reflecting on this situation, what COULD I have done to be free and laughing? I had a number of choices:
1. I could have happily ignored the guard’s instructions. Maybe not a good idea, as he was so wrapped up in his wanting to be right and exert his ultimate authority as the ruler of the space!
2. I could have driven off – I really didn’t need the product, and it turned out that the store didn’t have it anyway. So my instinct to leave was telling me something
3. I could have changed my countenance. Even when he responded dourly to my gay “good morning” I could have simply said with the brightest of smiles "I will be happy to park properly, just bear with me a minute. I really do appreciate your help". Would that have made a difference to him? Maybe, maybe not. But it would have made a real difference to me!

There are other things I could have done, but these scenarios give examples of the multitude of choices facing us in any given moment. At any moment during that 5-minute interlude, I could have chosen a different way of being and acting.

Now I am free and laughing about that moment – a day later, but at least I am free of the emotion and able to laugh! I can move on to enjoy my moments today, unburdened by yesterday’s experience. I am now present to this moment. I am free and laughing!

Laughter and work

2009-05-12T08:26:00.005-05:00

We have made a virtue out of being serious. We believe that to be professional, to be businesslike, to have credibility and power, we must be austere, solemn and sober with nary a smile, laugh nor twinkle of the eye to be displayed openly. Thus, our places of work are mausoleums, testimony to the nameless, soulless concept of work. Fun? No way – that is antithetical to work, for how could we actually consider enjoying something that is serious business? No wonder so many of us don’t like work, our workplaces, bosses and co-workers! "Monday morning blues" and "Thank God it’s Friday" are indicators of our view of work.

It is our innate human nature to laugh! One of the first things babies do is smile, gurgle and laugh. It brings the rest of us joy and we laugh too. Babies all through the animal kingdom play and have fun. And it too brings the rest of us joy, smiles and laughter. Interestingly, children laugh 300 times per day whilst adults laugh on average, only 15 times per day! Seems like we lose our natural way of being as we get older! Yet, when we are laughing and joyous is when we feel, and do our best. Suppressing our joyous being from our work is one of the worst things we can do to our soul. Trying to leave our joy at home, and keep it out of the workplace is like going to work without our heart, or our lungs. We would die. And thus it is when we separate our joy from our work – we die a slow, torturous death of stress, complaints, mistrust, boredom and sadness at the office.

Here are two photographs of laughing professionals - a corporate trainer an engineer, a dentist, a Minister of Religion, who know and demonstrate that God gave us the gift of joy and laughter to be expressed wherever we are!

Today, laugh at work! take a risk at being considered "unprofessional" - you might just be surprised at how many people actually like it - and join you!

Demonstrations of magic and miracles

2009-05-02T08:19:00.002-05:00

There are times when your world doesn’t seem to be working so well, when we wonder what is wrong – with us, with others, with everything. At such times there are feelings of discomfort, lack, disorder and even despair in our lives. We may look at our goals, desires and stated intentions and they seem ever more elusive. We may feel like giving up, or lowering our intentions to fit the limitations in our lives. Perhaps we feel to settle for our lives as they are – discomfort, stress, disorder, pain, mediocrity and even suffering.

We don’t have to. We can choose to move ourselves out of this conundrum and reclaim our inheritance of a life of joy and wellbeing. I know, because I experienced such a situation yesterday.

On Thursday, I returned from overseas to find things not going as I wished. All sorts of problems and bad news abounded. I noticed that I was very agitated, tense and on a short fuse with everyone around me. That night, I resolved to get to bed early, but not before a warm shower and meditation. I lit the calming chamomile incense and sat still for 20 minutes. It was a difficult meditation, more sitting than meditation as my thoughts were all over the place but I just sat in quietude and observed. I then crawled into bed, with this thought "Tomorrow is a new day". I resolved to start my day right with meditation, prayer, readings and journaling and set my alarm set an hour earlier to make sure that I could do this unhurriedly.

I awoke to the new day. I opened my Daily Word magazine "randomly" to a reading on ….. FAITH! "Blessings are flowing to me and from me this day". Magic, I thought, for this is exactly the message I need. I then opened my Creative Thought magazine again "randomly" and … more magic! "I am opulent" was the reading, with a quotation by Karen Drucker: "God is my source. God is my power. God gives me everything I need". In this spirit, I wrote 3 pages of things I was grateful for in my gratitude journal, some I had already received and some I desired to receive. I then proceeded to outline my "to do" list for the day, guided now by the poignant reminder to have faith in the only power and source that always gives me everything I need and focused by my expressions of gratitude!

From this moment on, my day becoming infused with all sorts of beautiful moments of manifestation. I wrote "Mother’s Day promo' for Free and Laughing. Within an hour, Michael Anthony Cuffe called and invited me to be a guest on his radio programme that evening to speak about my Free and Laughing CD! I received good news about the possibility of a large 6-month contract for my firm. I finally contacted a client, who had been ambivalent about a proposal over the past few months, and he told me "Marguerite, we have to talk. We need help". Payments long outstanding for my books and CDs came in. All was well in my world. Magic and miracles abounded! It was a new day!

And so I muse: what are the lessons from this experience? They abound, but here are a few. I am sure you will discern more.

1. Observe - our bodies signal our alignment with our intentions. Once we notice that our bodies and emotions are in disarray, it is a signal to change our state. We can start this process with simple, physical things – gentle nurturing of our bodies with a warm shower, yoga or massage; creating a calm environment and sitting quietly in meditation, or just sitting with eyes closed and deep, slow breathing

2. Our intentions - underlying this must be clarity around our intentions. Sometimes the discomfort in our bodies and emotions is telling us to get clear about our desired state

3. Be grateful – expressing our gratitude immediately shifts our state by reminding us how blessed we already are, and sets and focuses the blessings to come. What we give thanks for, we receive more of

4. Faith – know that God is the only Source, the only Power that gives us everything we need. When we have faith, we will know that any appearances to the contrary are simply temporary illusions that will pass away

Gratitude and faith. These two precepts set the foundation for our good to flow to us. We are co-creators of our lives. With clear intentions for our lives, faith in the only Source and gratitude for all our blessings, demonstrations of magic and miracles will be the norm, rather than the exception.

Me vs. swine flu

2009-04-27T09:27:00.003-05:00

"World vs. Swine flu" – Huffington Post
"Countries take steps to prevent swine flu outbreak" - CNN
"Swine flu fears sweeping the world" – Jamaica Observer
"US declares swine flu emergency" – MSN

Governments all over the world are rushing to formulate plans to fight this latest strain of the influenza virus. All sorts of measures are being implemented – from banning imports of meat to closing schools. We are advised to avoid contact with people who display any signs of the flu – and we are not to kiss! Oh dear …. this is serious.

One thing I am not hearing about is what we can do on a personal level. Since the flu attacks individuals, then there must be something that individuals can do. I believe that the main thing that we can each take responsibility for is the health of our immune system. Strong and healthy immune systems are able to withstand attacks on our body. Here’s what I am doing with immediate effect:

1. Increasing my daily intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. I will be vigilant about having my daily dose of green juice (coconut water, cucumber, pak choy and ginger – and whatever else is green in my fridge or garden). And I will consciously increase my intake of fruits – quite easy for me in Jamaica as mango season is here! A fresh salad each evening will be my dining delight! For those who still eat meat, now is a good time to reduce or eliminate this from your diet!

2. Making sure to drink lots of water and coconut water to flush my body of any germs or viruses that invade, and keep it well-hydrated

3. Getting adequate rest – tricky one for me, but I do plan to get to bed by 10.00 p.m. and to take little naps throughout the day

4. Exercise – spinning or running for the health of my heart and yoga for the oxygenation of my cells and detoxing and relaxation effects. Both, as with any form of exercise, will get my endorphins up and active so that I will feel relaxed and happy!

5. Laugh – 300 times per day like children do. Laughter is a great way to build the immune system as it oxygenates our cells and relieves the effects of stress. Plus it’s contagious, so it’s an easy way to help others to build their immune system

6. Stay positive – we do not have to buy in to the gloom and doom. I will affirm daily that I am perfect health and that every cell in my body is well

Yes, there is an increase in the incidence of this very dangerous flu. But we are not helpless, waiting, waiting, waiting for the inevitable attack and wondering and worrying about what our government is doing, or not doing about it. We can do our part to make sure that there is one less case by taking care of ourselves. This gives us a sense of empowerment and purpose – one of the very best things for our well-being.

Living life full out at 98!

2009-04-26T19:32:00.008-05:00

"How does it feel to be 98 Aunt Clara"?

"Great" was the response. The simplicity of the word belied the power of the emotion, for it was said with such a smile (see photo above and you will know what I mean) that you just KNOW that it really IS great to be 98 … and to be Aunt Clara.

Family and friends had gathered throughout yesterday afternoon and into the evening (last folks left at 10.00 p.m.) to celebrate the 98th birthday of my father’s cousin, Aunt Clara. It was the happiest of occasions. Friends and family arrived with sumptuous fare, flowers and gifts to honour this wonderful soul whom we all feel blessed to know and love. Small groups huddled, shaking heads in wonderment, able only to emit adjectives such as "amazing", "wonderful", "inspiring" to describe her. Words were failing us, as we sat and marvelled at this dynamo in our midst.

What is the secret to her longevity - not only to the length of her life, but the quality of it that has her so beloved by a bevy of friends of all ages and walks of life? What is her magic, her secret? I think it is this:

1. She looks forward. Aunt Clara is always planning something. We were all told months ago to reserve Saturday April 25 to join in her birthday celebration. She organized and executed everything. We were just told to turn up. And, she and I have already discussed her 100th birthday celebration!

2. She puts the past behind her. An oft-repeated phrase by Aunt Clara, whenever she is relating some incident that may not have been too pleasant for her is "Anyway, I just put that behind me". And that’s the end of that

3. She keeps moving. I noticed her yesterday rising to greet each new arrivant, bustling to get them something to eat and drink, refilling empty serving plates, checking that all were engaged and happy. Arthritis or no arthritis, Aunt Clara keeps moving

4. She surrounds herself with those she loves. Aunt Clara is legendary in her entertaining. Every Sunday she has friends to lunch, often times followed by tea! She is always inviting you to come and sit with her, have a cup of tea, a chat. And once she receives an invitation, she makes the effort to attend. She is a gracious hostess and guest

5. She is grateful. Whenever she comes to my home for a function, she never fails to call the next day to extend her gratitude and tell you what a lovely time she had

6. She smiles – always a smiling face, twinkling eyes showing her genuine love for you! Ailments are mentioned with a smile, a simple acceptance that it is what it is, not something to be dwelled upon nor complained about.

Looking at this list, I realise that it is applicable not just when you are 98, but at all ages. Live like this, and your life will truly be the joy it was meant to be!

Clara. Her name means “clear, bright”. She is truly a bright spark in the lives of those who know and love her. She is a beacon that shows us how life is to be lived! Her real secret is that she is fully engaged in life. Happy birthday to my dear Aunt Clara - my inspiration, my role model for living life full out!

Because she asked ....

2009-04-24T06:45:00.005-05:00

Photo: Kedija with the book she asked for

I was surrounded by a group of Wolmer’s girls asking for autographs, when one young lady, Kedija approached me and boldly and confidently said "May I have that book?" I immediately said "Yes" and handed her the copy of my book that I was holding. The other girls were aghast. Sensing a teaching moment, I stated "You know why I gave her the book? Because she asked".

Asking is the very first step to receiving what we want. Failing to ask means that we will receive all sorts of stuff, for the Universe is always pouring out its gifts and will give, regardless of whether we ask or not. However, if we fail to direct the giving, we may not desire what we are getting. We fail to ask for all sorts of reasons, but the most fundamental one is fear. We fear what other people will say. We fear what the response to our asking might be. I could have said “NO” to the request for the book. Then I am sure there would have been some jeering and laughing at Kedija throughout the day. In the future, she may have become more timid in her asking, as would the other girls. Sometimes we even fear getting the very thing we are asking for. Do we deserve it? Are we worthy? Can we handle it? The answer is that of course we deserve and are worthy of whatever we ask for. The Universe does not judge not discriminate. We ask …… it is given. Can we handle it? Well, we will never know unless we get it. And we must ask and accept in trust that the very Universe that gives us the thing will also give us the capacity and ability to handle it.

How we ask is also important. Kedija was so confident. She didn’t whisper her request. She boldly stepped up to me, raised her head high, held out her hand to me and asked for the book. I felt compelled to hand her the book. The book was already hers. There is no point in asking timidly. Timidity diffuses the energy of the asking and therefore the receiving. We must be bold in our asking.

There is another lesson from that morning with the Wolmer’s girls. Another young lady, Daneille, came up to me a little later and asked me for help in getting her book published. We have now started a robust e-mail conversation. Why? Because Daneille dared to ask. But more than that, she took action. I had given her my e-mail address and told her to e-mail me. Sure enough, later that day I received an e-mail from her.

How many times do we ask for what we want? How bold and confident are we in our asking? How many times do we take action, once we have asked? Taking action signals that we have accepted our good. The simple formula for living the life we truly desire is:
Ask
Accept
Act

In each of these steps we must be bold and confident, releasing or acting in spite of our fears. The Universe has no choice but to respond.

Laughing with 800 young ladies!

2009-04-23T07:39:00.002-05:00

Laughing with the young ladies at Wolmer's

I had the amazing and wondrous experience yesterday of laughing with 800 teenagers! The energy of 800 free and laughing young women is intoxicating and energising. When we all threw our hands up in the air and joyously declared “Very good, very good, YAAAY”, it was the sound of the Universe itself just laughing one big laugh!

This week, the alumni association of my alma mater, Wolmer’s High School for Girls, is celebrating its 100th year of existence (to put this into context, the school is also marking its 280th anniversary this year as well). My sister Carole and I offered to participate in their morning assembly. I read two chapters of my book, Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments, to which Carole danced. We then led the girls in a rousing laughter yoga session.

I will be writing more about this experience and my reflections over the next few days. But today, I just want to share how joyous the experience was.

We were giving freely of ourselves. Carole and I love our school, we love interacting with young people and we love to laugh! When you give freely and from the depths of your heart, there is a joy in that giving that is ecstatic. Like attracts like, so it invariably happens that the receiving is also ecstatic. We felt as if we were the real receivers, having been given a lovely gift. Carole and I had wonderful day yesterday, buoyed by the gift of the bond of laughing with 800 receptive, responsive and free young women!

Small adjustments

2009-04-22T07:58:00.001-05:00

Small adjustments can make big differences. I was reminded of this over the past weekend in two yoga workshops I attended. Each workshop was 3 hours long. Lisa, our teacher, gently and slowly guided us through the intricacies of different poses, revealing little “secrets” to go deeper correctly and without stress or strain. On Sunday, we did the camel pose. This is the pose where you are up on your knees and do a backbend until your hands touch your ankles. Previously, I had always struggled to get into this pose, bending back and leaning first to one side, then the other with my fingers scratching around in search of my ankles. When I finally found the pose, I would be happy, but somehow knew that I was expending too much effort to get there. In the Sunday workshop there was this huge collective gasp from the class when we followed Lisa’s instructions and made just one small adjustment – we all easily and gracefully flowed back and our hands magically floated to our ankles! My heart blossomed throughout the entire sequence, and it felt right.

Isn’t this the way it is in our lives as well? Sometimes, it’s not about the huge changes. Yes, those are important. But many times, it’s the small adjustments that have huge impact. And mostly, it’s the small adjustments that allow us to live our lives in ease and grace, going with the flow of life and allowing our hearts to open and blossom. Sometimes we take on big changes and it’s as if they are too much for us to handle and we sabotage ourselves. This is where small adjustments make all the difference. For example, I love coffee. I drink it throughout the day. I rejoice whenever I read a new report that says that coffee is good for you. Yet I know that perhaps I drink just a little too much. I have tried to cut it out entirely, but have always gone back after a few days or weeks. I just enjoy my coffee. Now, here’s the small adjustment: switch to a demitasse cup rather than a mug! This will automatically cup my consumption by half or even two thirds – effortlessly and easily, and I will still be able to sip my coffee throughout the day!

Today – think about a small adjustment you can take that will make a big difference in your life. Then, just do it, today. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Just make a small adjustment today and watch the magic of your life unfold with ease and grace, as it did in my yoga class on Monday when we did the camel pose – and once again, I melted into it effortlessly and easily.

Apache blessing

2009-04-17T06:53:00.002-05:00

I love this Apache blessing, and share it with you today. It acknowledges our interconnectedness with our world, and the beauty and goodness of nature. It is my sincere wish for you.

May the sun bring you new energy by day
May the moon softly restore you by night
May the rain wash away your worries
May the breeze blow new strength into your being
May you walk gently through the world
And know its beauty all the days of your life

Exhale, ebb, bust

2009-04-15T12:05:00.000-05:00

I got a call last week from a young woman requesting some time with me to help her work through some life issues. I always say yes to these requests for it is an opportunity for me to help someone. But more deeply I have found that whenever someone approaches me with an issue, it is the very same issue with which I am grappling!

Danielle started her marketing consultancy about 7 months ago. The business got going with a bang and she was busy, busy, busy until …. December, when all her proposals were unanswered, calls not returned, work not flowing and cash not rolling in. Panic! Should she have left her job to do this? Should she have waited until she paid off her debt and mortgage before starting her business? Did she make a mistake? Should she have listened to her father? How will she pay her light bill? That was fundamentally the big question!

Such questions are normal in the slow times. When things are good, work flowing, cash coming in, busy busy busy, we have no time to reflect on whether we are doing the right thing, doing it right, should be doing something else or are totally off track. It turns out that Danielle had actually strayed from her business plan and had lost her focus. This ebb in work is a wakeup call. It is giving her time to revisit her business plan, to refocus on her business, to reflect on who she is, what she wants and how her new business will best support her. It is a necessary part of the cycle of her life.

Life is not just about flow. There is the ebb. It is not just about the inhale. We must exhale. It is not just about the boom – it’s also about the bust. The ebb, the exhale, the bust are even more important for our learning than the flow, the inhale, the boom. This is when we have the time, when busyness gives way to the true business of our lives – learning, growing, and being in integrity with who we truly are. These times are to be welcomed and made good use of. This is when we have the space (and the impetus) to create, to look at things differently, to see new opportunities, to try new things, to connect with new people. We may call it a slump and wonder what’s happening to us. Not a thing. We are simply in the cycle of life. When we relax into the rhythm, then we will be able to see the value of these times.

At the end of our conversation I found that as usual, some of the issues with which Danielle had been grappling, were my own. I received a powerful reminder to value and honour the ebb, the exhale, the bust in my life. These phases are part of my life, integral to my wholeness and happiness. Accepting with openness and joy will put me in the space of learning and growing, and of manifesting my magnificence in the ebb and flow, in the inhale and exhale, in the boom and the bust. Enjoy the ride!

Hold onto nothingness

2009-04-14T10:50:00.002-05:00

"Hold onto nothingness". Deep into our yoga class, we melted deeply into a variation of the One-legged King Pigeon pose. As we came out of the pose after minutes of being still, Donovan, our yoga teacher asked us to notice that for a moment we had been in a place of nothingness. He exhorted us to "hold onto this nothingness" not just in our yoga postures, but throughout our day and indeed our lives, for nothingness is ultimately where we want to be.

Yet it occurred to me that when we try to hold onto nothingness, we are actually holding onto something. Whatever we hold onto in turn takes hold of us and becomes something, something that defines, binds and limits us. Nothingness is just that – "no thing": once we hold onto it, then "no thing" becomes "some thing". The essence of nothingness has to be nonattachment, even to a moment when we experienced the nothingness. It is to not be attached to ever experiencing or holding on to that moment again. True nothingness is not something to hold onto – it is to just be.

The reason we had experienced that state of nothingness in our asana was because we had gone beyond our physical body limitations. Looking at us, you would have labelled us "contorted". To get there, we had to let go of all thoughts and ideas of what the body could and could not do. We exhaled deeply, and the nothingness appeared in that hovering moment between exhalation and inhalation. In that moment, our bodies ceased to exist. For a moment, we had no breath: we were dead, surrendered to the nothingness. Yet, in that moment of surrender we were actually vibrantly alive for we were no-thing. The moment of nothingness, in hindsight, we could label "ecstasy". Hindsight because when we are in that moment of nothingness then there are no labels, names, feelings, hurts or sensations – nothing. We just are. It is when we return to the human condition that we glimpse the memory of the moment and label it "nothingness", "ecstasy" – or whatever we choose. Yet it matters not what we choose to call it, for it is only a label for a memory.

To experience the beautiful nothingness we have to release – let go, allow, surrender. Then there is nothing to hold onto, just no-thing to be.

The First Dog

2009-04-13T01:21:00.004-05:00

Bo Obama - the First Dog

Itsy and Betti - two of MY First Dogs!

The moment we (at least all dog lovers) have been waiting for has finally arrived – Bo Obama has made his appearance at the White House.

I am so delighted for Sasha and Malia that they have finally got the dog their dad promised them in his acceptance speech on Election Night. I know that this is the beginning of countless hours of joy, of sweet memories that will last a lifetime, of lessons about life and death, of the unconditional, unwavering love that only a dog can bring and of loyalty and friendship.

Readers of my book “Free and Laughing: Spiritual Insights in Everyday Moments” will know how I feel about dogs, through two chapters “If I Had Only” and “Love as a Dog”. Dogs have occupied my life from birth. My father was an avid dog lover, so we always had dogs. For my sister and I, our love of and for dogs has not diminished over time – I believe it has become even stronger and more compelling. I currently have five dogs and Carole has three. We love them dearly. They are family and friends, all wrapped up in bundles of furry, bounding unconditional love and companionship. As I write this, I have to be careful how I get up from my seat, as two of them are curled around the chair. The moment I move, their eyes will fly open, their ears perk up and they will be poised to follow me wherever I trod.

Dogs are the ultimate in free and laughing living! They live in the moment, and are present to everything around them. They harbour no (or few) grudges. They observe everything around them, with their ultra-keen sense of hearing picking up things that human ears cannot. They are sensitive to our moods, knowing exactly what to do to move us from sad to happy. They release everything and accept us for who and what we are. And they are the epitome of trust and love.

I wish for Bo, Sasha and Malia many years of play and love. Their lives will never be the same. He is their First Dog. Betti, Itsy, Cloud, Daisy and Mufasa are mine. They are my playmates, friends, companions, security guards, comfort givers, heart keepers. I hope Bo will be these and more for them. Long live man’s friendship with dogs!

Creating amazing experiences

2009-04-02T09:17:00.002-05:00

Over the past few months my sister and I have been clearing out my mother’s home of all her earthly belongings that she now has no use for. As we have painstakingly sorted through cupboards, drawers, cabinets, boxes and bags, we have had to make a decision for every single item - whether to keep, toss or give away – and to whom. As the garbage bags fill and accumulate, I have had this overwhelming emotion of "what is the point"?

What’s the point of all the buying and accumulation of things – things that at the time seemed so important but that are now inconsequential clutter? Some things have significance – gifts that I had bought her on my travels, awards my brother received, accolades for my sister’s dancing, trinkets and artwork made by grandchildren, Christmas and birthday gifts carefully chosen over months of agonising "what shall I give Mummy to show her how special she is to me?" Again and again I realise that the real significance is not the thing itself but the love with which it was given – and received. It is the moment of exchange that was the gift, not the thing now discarded by Mummy and by us.

Months of filling garbage bags and boxes for the dumpster or donation have made me resolve that from now on my gift will be "amazing experiences" rather than things. I had two such experiences recently – one where I gave and the other where I received.

The first was the amazing experience I created to celebrate my daughter Victoria’s 16th birthday. She had stated early on that she did not want the usual Sweet Sixteen bash. As I am a birthday bunny, I set about creating an amazing experience for her, for such an occasion could never go unheralded. It took 3 months of planning and I pulled it off! It was a truly amazing “oh my gosh” experience – one that Victoria will never ever forget, and neither will I.

The second was for my own birthday a few days later. The day before, I offhandedly (butt secretly hopefully) said to my sister "Let’s go to the beach in the morning". Normally Carole would hesitate about a midweek beach jaunt, haunted no doubt by the myriad to-dos on her list. This time she agreed without a blink. "My treat" she said. Everything about that morning was magical – it’s as if the whole Universe conspired to make it simply amazing. We were greeted on arrival by smiling employees, who joked and laughed and allowed us to park in the restricted section (I told them it was my birthday). Then, as we crested the sand dunes, an expanse of blue water glistened and sparkled, rays of sun dancing on the calm, gently lapping surface as if saying "Happy birthday Marguerite" (photo above is the scene that greeted us). We were treated to the "first fish" of the day – fresh, fried to perfect, dry crispiness and washed down with a bottle of frosty Ting (a Jamaican grapefruit soda). Carole and I sat as sisters and best friends do, happy to revel only in each other’s company – a rare occurrence what with our busy lives and numerous family and work commitments. There could have been no better gift from her.

Reflecting on the joy of these experiences, for me as giver and receiver, I have resolved to do them even more. So, I muse: how do we create amazing experiences?

1. Dream – dream and dream BIG! There are no limits on our dreams. Nothing is impossible, and that "yes you can" create whatever you envision. Commit your dream to writing. This provides a record of your seeming insanity at the time, and allows you to read and reread so that over time, it actually becomes ingrained as your reality.

2. Discard – discard assumptions and beliefs about what is possible, acceptable, normal. Amazing experiences are about tapping into and claiming the magnificence of the Universe as your own. Manmade, societal beliefs only limit us – discard them.

3. Decide – really commit to doing it, despite the seeming obstacles. They are obstacles only in your mind. Worried about how much it will cost? Stop worrying, for worry only blinds us to the reality that we can find a way. I am always amazed at how much less our amazing experiences cost once we have decided and committed. Indeed, sometimes they are even free, as you open up to the numerous channels the Universe has provided for you to realise your good! Decide and commit.

4. Do it – just do it – regardless. Keep the dream front of mind. When I was planning Victoria’s amazing experience there wasn’t a day that I didn’t read my vision, think about it and plan for it.

The beautiful thing about giving an amazing experience is that you receive one as well – indeed, you receive it twice – once in the creation and planning and secondly in the manifestation. So, Victoria’s amazing experience was mine too, and my amazing experience was Carole’s. That in and of itself is an amazing experience – that you can give someone something, but that you receive it not once, but twice!

Today, dream about amazing experiences you can create for yourself and others and then set about creating them. The more we do it, the more our lives will become one big amazing experience! Sounds a bit like being free and laughing? That's exactly what it is.

Parenting is gender neutral

2009-03-30T08:29:00.002-05:00

As I headed out the door at 1.00 a.m. on Sunday morning to pick up my teenagers from a party, I noticed in me feelings of resentment and discomfort about having to do a task that I consider a man’s job, the dangers of a woman exiting her home in the depths of night and driving alone on dark, mostly deserted roads. Thankfully, I came out of it, as I realised that regardless of the circumstances, I do whatever I have to do for the wellbeing and happiness of my children.

All of us have assigned roles to "mother" and "father". Typically, these come from what our mothers and fathers did or did not do. Societal norms affirm these beliefs, with numerous literature and studies on the distinctions and acceptable characteristics of the roles. As our children are born, we come to parenting as mother if we are female, and father if we are male. However, these distinctions are not just about the biological roles, but of the behavioural ones, with clear demarcations of what each must do and is responsible for. In playing out these gender roles, conflicts arise. There is discord between the parents due to differing definitions and expectations from their own unique upbringing as no two people have exactly the same experience of "mother" and "father". As each grapples with what works and what doesn’t, there are internal struggles as well – with what we have transferred automatically from our experience, and what we recognise does not work with the unique individuals known as our children. Matters are further compounded when there is only one parent present. Then that parent has to figure out how to provide the full experience of parenting required by the child. For whether it is by mother, father or both, the child has needs that must (or should) be met.

Once we recognise that parenting is about doing our best to meet our child’s needs for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual guidance and development, and then it matters less which gender provides it. Dysfunction in the relationship with the child occurs when we approach the task with rigid definitions of "mother" and "father", as half of a mother/father pair rather than as a whole parent. For when we do this we become resentful and angry at the failure of the other party and our own failure. It is these negative feelings that cause dysfunction, not the situation itself.

It is important that we approach parenting with a focus on our children’s wellbeing, and not from our past experience of being parented. Whatever our children need, we provide as best we can regardless of whether our father or mother did or did not do it, or who society says "should" do it. Communication between the parents is crucial – to define what parenting means for both in terms of their upbringing and deeply held beliefs, what each child’s unique needs are, and who will do what regardless of societal gender-based roles. It is so important to approach parenting with love and gratitude, for the gift of a child is the greatest joy. When things go right, it is the source of highest joy and when things go wrong, it provides our greatest life lessons.

As I headed out the door at 1.00 a.m. my thoughts were transformed from anger and resentment to gratitude for the gift of being a parent. Whatever my children need I will provide lovingly and joyously, regardless of whether it is considered the mother’s job or the father’s job. I am a parent.

I live boldly

2009-03-03T01:17:00.002-05:00

One of my inspirational readings on Sunday was entitled "I live boldly". This affirmation rested with me all day as I contemplated living boldly. I thought of people throughout history, people I have known who dared to live boldly. Some are famous, some just quietly live boldly. I remembered how boldly my son Shane was born – barrelling into this world with such speed that the doctor hardly had time to catch him! And he has been bold ever since. I happened upon a video clip of a 13-year old young man, addressing the Conference of Conservatives in the United States of America and boldly lecturing the gathering on what conservatism really is – "A principle, not a policy" - with such gumption and aplomb. And I thought of myself – some of the bold, audacious things I have done and some I have thought of, but not done … yet.

Now, I have some very, very grand ideas. Many of them have not been carried out. Could it be that I am not living boldly? Perhaps, for what also keeps niggling at the edges of my mind is feedback from the leader of a painting workshop I attended two weeks ago: "You need to be bold". At the time, I thought she was crazy – "Who me? More bold than I already am?" And then I let it sink in. Perhaps I am not as bold as I think. I took this comment to be not just about my painting, but about who I am; for my painting, indeed everything I do, is a reflection of that. What I express on paper is who I am. If I am not bold enough on paper – could it be that I am not bold enough in my life?

To add further to my musing on living boldly, yesterday I came across this sentence "I only have ideas I am able to carry out". Does this mean that any idea I create, I have the capacity and capability to carry it out? This makes sense, for if I did not, then I would not even be able to think the idea. This is totally in alignment with two well-known quotations:

"What the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve"
"A think is created twice – once in the mind and then in the physical realm"

This is a powerful thought, that just by having an idea, I also have the ability to carry it out! Indeed, this thought is BOLD - pushing us beyond what we ever thought possible for ourselves, beyond the limits of our action, and indeed the limits of our ideas. Living boldly is how we manifest the abundance and the evergivingness of the Universe. It is also the path to joy, for living boldly is living exactly as the Universe is. When we live boldly, we are in full harmony with the Universe and all in it. And most of all, we are in harmony with ourselves.

What do we need to do to live boldly? We need to create two realities: the first is a bold vision, or idea of who we are and what we are about. I am a strong advocate of writing or drawing this vision, so that you create a strong emotional connection with it. There are no limits here - we have an infinite capacity to think and create. Let us use it!

Having declared it in our mind, and committing it to Mind, our next step is to create it in the physical realm. Now here is the tricky part. This is not about obsessive doing, nor passive sitting. It is about allowing our good to flow to us unrestricted. It is about tuning into Divine Guidance: to know when to flow and when to go. It is about removing or rising above our fears and acting regardless.

There is nothing hesitant or tentative about our Universe. It is a vibrant, alive, ever-changing, always evolving, creative force manifesting in every millisecond something new and magnificent. There is nothing hesitant or tentative about our true nature as human beings - our ability to create ever more magnificent forms.

As we learn to live boldly, ever and ever greater guidance will come to us to live even more boldly so that our lives become beacons of what is possible for humanity. Think of those who live boldly – isn’t that what they are?

All-one

2009-03-01T07:51:00.004-05:00

My friend Elsa wrote on her Facebook page:

Tonight i looked out my window and saw a breadfruit slice of a moon in the sky. Clear white light. And beside it, to the right almost perfectly in line with the tip of the slice, the brightest diamond of a star. The sky is a deep velvet blue. There are no other stars out yet. Everything is aligned correctly in line ........ beautiful .........

I followed:
I saw it too as I came out of my yoga class. I stopped and let it just melt in

And then my sister Carole:
You know, I just realised I saw it too....it was like a dream

Elsa again:
Oh, I thought it was different. So it wasn't just me alone. What a beauty ...

Carole and I live in Jamaica and Elsa lives in Edmonton Canada. Yet were looking at the same thing and having the same response. This is a real reminder that we live in one beautiful world, and that we are all one – not alone – all-one!